FINE, DEFINE, REFINE

Karen Kenney: 00:00:00

It's the Karen Kenney show. Hey you guys. Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm super duper excited to be here with you today, and I'm just gonna dive

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right into this sucker. I'm gonna keep it short and sweet. I just got back from a run outside. It is gorgeous out here today. I was so happy, and I do really good thinking

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when I'm out on a walk or when I'm out for a run. And something occurred to me when I was out on my run, and I was like, Oh, when I got back, I wanted to make sure I shared it

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with you before I forgot. Now, this is a concept, an idea, that I have shared with my one to one spiritual mentoring clients, and I've also shared it with my the members of

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the nest, my group, my group, coaching program and community, but I don't think I've shared this with you guys here, and if I have already, I apologize, but I don't

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think I have. So let's just dive right in. And this is a very simple, short and sweet idea, but I just want you to consider this, because what I'm about to say is kind the

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reason why it's on my mind is, I think that when you're in the kind of work that I'm in, which is, we could simply call this, yes, the spiritual business, right? You know, I'm

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also a writer and a yoga teacher and all these other things. But as a spiritual mentor, as a hypnotist, as somebody who is an integrative change worker and a life

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coach, there can be so much put onto this idea that there's something wrong with you, you need to be fixed. Like the world is always telling us all the time that, like

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we're fucked up, we're not good enough, we're screwed like we need to work on ourselves all these things. And while, yes, there are parts of our ego personality.

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There are parts of maybe our history or our past that we are still processing, navigating, negotiating, healing, whatever. But I want to go back to the very root

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thing, which is this, because, how do I say this? A lot of industries exist only because people think that they're not good enough or that there's something wrong with them. A

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lot of people get really rich and make a lot of money off of the suffering of others, off of the self doubt of others, off of the insecurity of others, off of the conditioned

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thoughts, beliefs and stories that they are not enough. So I just want to drop this little nugget. Take it or leave it. I hope it lands for you in some way and is helpful.

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But here's this little three three point thing that I like to remind my people of. Number one, when you were born, when you came through, whether you said when God

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breathed life into you, when you became an idea in the mind of God, when you were birthed through your mother's you know, birth can however you got here, okay, you

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were fine. Now I'm not saying that maybe there weren't some health complications with your body, and I'm hitting my arms right with your physical body, or physical being,

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but who you are like, who you really are, as

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eternal, like the eternal, the unchanging. How, how God made you right who you are as spirit, that that is perfectly fine. You came through fully intact. You

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came through right off the assembly line, right? Factory installed, fine. You are fine, right? You were totally fine, and you were already good enough. You are already

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worthy. You are already lovable. You are like, You are the bee's knees, right? You are the cat's meow, the cat's pajamas, right? You are just like my chef's kiss. You

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are like, perfect and beautiful and amazing. And not only good enough, you are like, more than good enough. You are like, brilliant, okay, but then so you come through, totally

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fine, and then you know what happens? The world gets their hands on you now, whether it's your earliest caretakers, your guardians, like your siblings, the school

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system, the coaches, the priests, the people, the culture, whatever was once, when you're a little kid, you know, you're really at the mercy of the people in power. And the

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people in power is usually people who are older than you, bigger than you, who are supposed to be care taking you that you share a house with or room with, or

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whatever, right? And what happens is, is that those people start to look at you and see you through maybe not such a generous or kind lens, and then they start to define

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you. So you are all just like as a little baby, you were just like the like I said, just the best thing to ever happen, and you were totally. Fine, capital F, fine. But

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then some people come along and they start to define you. And when you look at the spelling of that word, D, E, F, I, N, E, they start to put labels on you. They start

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to tell you who you are and how you are and how you're not good enough and how you're not pretty enough or smart enough or skinny enough, or rich enough, or what, what white

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enough, like, whatever the fucking culture is trying to whatever trip and racket it's trying to run on you. So they start to define you. But again, you look at that

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spelling, they also D fine you. They un find you. So here you are. You have a look at babies, if you ever look at little kids who are growing up in safe and loving and happy

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and healthy environments, right? They just like happiest little things, and they don't know that they're different or there's anything, quote, unquote wrong with them, or

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whatever. It's not until other people, externally, start to make fun of them, harm them, shame them, guilt them, blame them, whatever them. Lay their trip, their

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unresolved trauma on them, put their hands on them, harm them, whatever that they de find them. They take away that idea of themselves in their own mind, as already

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being the bee's knees right, the cat's pajamas, the cat's meow, and all of a sudden they start to think like, oh, I'm no longer fine. I'm defined now, and I'm defined. I'm

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defined and I'm defined, which is I have all these labels on me, and I've done this exercise before, at some of my retreats where I have people like on sticky notes,

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like write out all the labels that have been put on them, good and bad over the years. Okay? And the final step of that whole process is where we're going next. Number

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three. So number one, you come through just fine. You're beautiful, you're perfect, you're loving, you're lovable. You're capable of being lovable like being loved

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and loving, okay? And then, then, then the world gets its hands on you, and you become defined, labeled, and then unfined, right? And then here's the third step, and this is

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where the kind of work and support and stuff that I help people with is, which is, first of all, recognizing, because we're not even aware a lot of the times that the inner

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critic that we're walking around with, that voice that's inside of our head, that it didn't start with us, it didn't come from us. It's not even our voice. It's somebody

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else's racket still being played right, somebody else's record that we recorded, and it's still being played inside of us. So this next step, the third step, is to

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refine. And when you think about that word, to refine, when we refine something, it's kind of like we're looking at what is no longer needed. We're looking at what is no

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longer working right. Somebody might say, Oh, just for example, oh, that's a really good like decoration. We just need to refine it a little bit. We need to take this away

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or add this, or whatever, right? Or they'll say, oh, we need to refine that right, the soup whatever. We need to put a little more spice in, or make it a little less thick, or

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add this or remove this, right? You will find you use your discernment. You take a an honest look, but a compassionate and kind look, and you say, Oh, we're gonna tweak

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this here maybe a little bit. We're gonna polish this here a little bit. We're gonna remove this. We're gonna let go of that. We're gonna refine it, but we're gonna

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refine it through the eyes of love. We're not gonna define it through the eyes of fear and commentary, and nobody asked you for your opinion. PS, by the way, you know what

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I mean, and you see so much of it right now on social media. People are just brutal. I'm doing a whole other episode about that, but people are just so brutal to one another,

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and it's completely unnecessary, and it's totally a dick move, and it's not attractive. And I, you know, I've been spending less and less time on social media

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lately because I'm just like, Yeah, whatever. I just, I just don't need to be bombarded with other people's cruelty towards others, because it doesn't even have

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to be directed at me, like, I'm just a highly sensitive individual, and I don't have time to be like, running around, you know, defending everybody and just be I'm

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like, no, no, I like, because that's my natural instinct, right? Anyways, and we're back. So we're in the process now of refining. And when you think about that word

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to refine, right, to kind of use your discernment and look through the eyes of love and generosity, right, calling upon your spiritual team, Holy Spirit, you're in

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a teacher. Your intuition, whatever you want to call it, to say, Okay, what works here? What doesn't work here? What do I want to keep? What do I want to let go? And we're

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going to re fine ourselves. We're going to go back. We're going to go back right to the truth of who we are. We're going to. Back home to ourselves. We're going to go back

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home to love, right? To remember who we really are and to whom we belong to. We're going to refine ourselves. So it's this remembering process, and you've heard me

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talk about this before, right? So often people think that the opposite word of remember is to forget, but really it's to dismember. I'm not saying they don't both

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work, but to dismember. And that's what this world really does to us. It takes this being that is completely whole, right? Whole, happy healthy, healed, whole, holy. That's

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how you come through just fine, right? Happy, Healthy, healed, whole and holy, fine. And then all of a sudden, the world takes you, and they start to pick you apart,

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right? Death by 1000 paper cuts. They just chop you up into little bits. And just keep telling you, that's not good enough, that's not good enough. That's not good enough. We

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get so distracted. We get so pulled apart by everybody else's opinions and bullshit, and we become dismembered. It's literally like, Oh my god. So the way that we come back to

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being fine, the way that we come back to our wholeness, is this process of refining, yes, but also to re member, to take all those dismembered parts of us and to bring us back

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to remembering, putting us back to wholeness, right, reminding ourselves, oh yeah, I'm one of God's kids. Oh yeah, I'm an extension of the Divine. Oh yeah, I am love

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incarnate. Oh yeah, I came through just fine. So you can take all your nonsense, you can take all your opinions, you can take all your bullshit, and you can, like, go

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somewhere else with that, because I am in the process of refining and remembering and coming back home to the truth of myself, which is, you are loved. You are loving. You

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are lovable. You are right, beautiful and brilliant and perfect and eternal. And this is the thing, anything that the world creates, it is not eternal. It's so funny.

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Right under my high school yearbook photo, which is a whole of the story, but it's my high school yearbook, right? My picture has somebody else's name underneath it because I

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got a whole theory and a whole reason. I don't think it was an innocent mistake. I think one of the girls on on the yearbook staff, which I was also on, but I didn't get

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to see the final proof before it went in the yearbook. But anyways, so it's somebody else's name, but my quote that my quote under my name, it says, Nothing lasts

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forever. And I remember thinking about that, like thinking about I'm like, wow, when I was like, 17, what was I thinking about that? Because it sounds like it could sound

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really negative, negative, but I don't see it that way. The things of this world don't last most of them, right? I'm doing a whole podcast, actually about this. When it comes

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to products, well, you'll see something, something that's coming up soon, but nothing lasts forever, except for the things that aren't of this world, meaning the things

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that the divine creates, that who you are is spirit. Is eternal. It is means it's unchanging. That's the that's the thing that lasts forever, your goodness, your

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innocence, Your Holiness, your wholeness, right? So I hope that this helps you in some way. It's just like a little love letter from like my heart to your heart to remind

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you, to just remind you, because it can be really easy to forget ourselves and to lose ourselves. And I don't think enough of us get reminded enough of who we really are and

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to whom we really belong to and just how incredible and beautiful we are. I mean, I think that it's so easy these days to just tear people down, and the brain has a

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negativity bias, and the brain also has a confirmation bias, and it's really easy, you know? And of course, in Miracles is a line that basically says, You need to be reminded

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of who you really are. You need to be reminded of yourself like 1000 times a day, as many times as it takes, because it's so easy to lose sight of the truth of

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ourselves. So just know that I see you, that I see you, and that I remember the truth of you, and that you know this is in A Course in Miracles, we talk about this idea of

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like, I always say, like, put your love glasses on, right? It's another way of saying, for me, it's like, another way of talking about how A Course in Miracles talks

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about like, Christ vision, or Christ I think of it as like Christ consciousness, this idea of seeing the innocence in your brothers and sisters and your in your

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others, right, and the people. That we share, you know, this, this world with and so I see that in you, I see the light of the world in you, I see it in all animals, and I

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see it in all beings. And it's not always easy, because sometimes people's behaviors are like they are acting totally out of line with who they truly are. It's because

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they've forgotten themselves. They have, they came in fine. But then whatever happened to them through their childhood, they became defined. And now where most of

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us, if you're listening to this, I think my my listener, audience ship, right? You guys are old enough now to be in a process of refining, and that's one of the things that

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I love to help people with as well. So you know, you can always find out. Like, if any of this interests you, how to work with me at Karen kenney.com you can also just get on

Karen Kenney: 00:15:45

my newsletter. You guys just to find out what's happening, get the podcast delivered right into your inbox. Just go to Karen kenney.com/sign

Karen Kenney: 00:15:54

up one word, but yeah, so just again, a quick little love note from my heart to yours. I hope you find it helpful. I hope it gets you thinking, and that you start to go

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like, hey, yeah. You know, it's really easy to focus on the things that I quote, unquote, think are wrong with me, but it's really important. You know, it's really

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important that you own your light, not just your darkness, not just your shadow work, not just your fucked upness, not just the places where you were hurt or wounded or

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traumatized or whatever. We also have to own the divine in us, the divinity in us, our wholeness, our happiness, our holiness, the good, the beautiful and the holy. Right. You

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know, I did a whole 30 day challenge called The Good, the beautiful and the holy, because I know how easy it is for the brain and the mind to be focusing on the things

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that we don't like in this world, the things that we don't like about ourselves. And in A Course in Miracles, is a line that I love that says, Child of God, You were created to

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create the good, the beautiful and the holy. Do not forget this. Do not forget this. So I'm trying to help you not forget it. I'm trying to help you re member it and

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yourself. Okay. I love you guys. Have a fantastic rest of your day or night. Whenever you're listening to this, remember you came in fine. Then you were defined, and

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now we are refining. And if you're somebody who wants to take that walk with me. I would love to work with you. You can find everything on my website. Okay, wherever you

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go, may you leave yourself and the animals and the people and the place in the environment, the planet. You know the whole kit and caboodle better than how you found

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it. Wherever you go, may you and your presence and your energy and your love and your fineness be a blessing. Bye. Hey. Thanks so much for listening to the show. I

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really love spending some time together. Now, if you dig the show or know someone that could benefit from this episode, please share it with them and help me to spread the

Karen Kenney: 00:18:01

good word and the love. And if you want to be in the know about all of my upcoming shenanigans, head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign up and join my list. It'll

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be wicked fun to stay in touch. Bye. You.