Increase Your Courage
I’m sure we’ve all been in a situation before where there was something that we wanted or needed to do, but our fear was so great that it kept us from taking action.
Today on The Karen Kenney Show, we’re talking all about courage.
We’ll discuss the four components of courage, what we often get wrong about fear, and the importance of having a supportive community of encouragers!
I’ll also tell a story about watching some courage in action that I recently experienced, and the power of having a compassionate witness to help us navigate the scary times.
Plus I’ll share some thoughts on how to navigate fear and make better decisions by changing our emotional state before taking action.
KEY POINTS:
• The Concept of Courage
• Autism Acceptance Week
• Actor Michael Sheen + The Assembly
• Four Components of Courage
• Feeling The Fear
• Changing Emotional States
• Compassionate Witnessing
• Encouragement and Support in Personal Growth
• The Nest: Spiritual Mentoring Group + Community
KK BIO:
Karen Kenney is a certified Spiritual Mentor, Writer, Integrative Change Worker, Hypnotist, and Coach. She’s known for her dynamic storytelling, her sense of humor, her Boston accent and her no-BS approach to Spirituality and transformational work.
She’s been a yoga teacher for 23+ years, is a Certified Gateless Writing Instructor, and is also an author, speaker, retreat leader and the host of The Karen Kenney Show podcast.
A curious human being, life-long learner and an entrepreneur for 20+ years, KK brings a down-to-earth perspective to applying spiritual principles and brain science that create powerful shifts in people’s lives and businesses.
She works with people individually in her 1:1 program, THE QUEST, and offers a collective learning experience via her group mentoring program, THE NEST.
She works with both the conscious and unconscious mind by combining practical Neuroscience, Subconscious Reprogramming, Integrative Hypnosis, and Spiritual Mentorship. These tools help clients regulate their nervous systems, remove blocks, rewrite stories, rewire beliefs, and reimagine what’s possible!
Karen wants her clients to have their own lived experience with spirituality and to not just “take her word for it”. She encourages people to deepen their personal connection to Self, Source and Spirit in tangible, relatable, and actionable ways without losing sight of the magic.
Her process called: “Your Story To Your Glory” helps people to shift from an old thought system of fear to one of Love - using compassion, un-shaming, laughter and humor, her work is effective, efficient, and it’s also wicked fun!
KK’s been a student of A Course in Miracles for close to 30 years, has been vegan for over 20 years, and believes that a little kindness can go a long way and make a miraculous difference.
Transcript
Hey, welcome to the Karen Kenney show, I'm wicked excited to be
Speaker:here today because this is, this is something that I that's been
Speaker:on my mind, you know how like you come across, whether it's a
Speaker:piece of music or you watch a movie, you see a show you read a
Speaker:book or you hear a story and it just like stays with you. And
Speaker:this has just been kind of like ricochet ravening around my head
Speaker:for the last week or so since I first saw this video that I'm
Speaker:going to tell you about, which is the inspiration for today's
Speaker:episode.
Speaker:So before we dive into it, I just want to say thank you so
Speaker:much. If you're a loyal listener, and you're here and
Speaker:you're back, I appreciate it so much. I really do. I mean, you
Speaker:could be doing anything else besides listening to this sucker
Speaker:or watching it. And so the fact that you're choosing willingly
Speaker:choosing to be here means so much to me. And if you're new
Speaker:here, welcome. I'm so happy and welcome. Welcome. Join the other
Speaker:weirdos Okay, speaking of weirdos what you can see right
Speaker:you can't see is Toby pajamas. Toby pajamas. My cat. He's right
Speaker:down there. Toby's like, possibly 17 Now you guys he just
Speaker:had his birthday. He's a rescue. We don't know how old he is.
Speaker:Okay, you can also see in the background if you're not
Speaker:watching. I got Bob Ross. I got little Bob Ross joining me. Joan
Speaker:evoq. Couple of Jesus's my mother's over here. Good dash,
Speaker:whatever. I got a lot, a little fox over there. I get so many
Speaker:helpers that are helping me to bring if I had sponsors, I'd be
Speaker:like, sponsored by Baba, my Bob Ross stuffy.
Speaker:Okay, and we're back. Alright, listen. So I don't know if it's
Speaker:like a podcast player an app, whatever it is, I saw this video
Speaker:on what's called BBC One. So I kind of think of that as almost
Speaker:like our PBS here in the United States. Okay. So BBC One.
Speaker:Unfortunately, I can't watch the whole interview that I'm about
Speaker:to tell you about. I've only seen little clips of it, like,
Speaker:you know, like real like, like 90 seconds, whatever. And it's
Speaker:an interview series, and it's called the assembly.
Speaker:Now, again, because I can't watch it consistently or at all
Speaker:really, other than little clips that get put on social media. I
Speaker:don't know if this is something that they do again, and again
Speaker:and again. But all I know is I think that this episode was in
Speaker:celebration of autism acceptance week, I have some notes here
Speaker:just so I don't forget, I don't want to misspeak about somebody
Speaker:else's thing. And so I guess the format is, is that there's an
Speaker:audience. So there's a guest who's been invited to be you
Speaker:know, interviewed, and the interview is in the audience,
Speaker:like 35 people, and they're either people who are autistic
Speaker:neurodivergent, or learning disabled adults, and they were
Speaker:like young adults and older adults and stuff. And then I
Speaker:think there are some people who may be, you know, guide them or
Speaker:work with them, who are also kind of scattered around the
Speaker:room.
Speaker:Okay, so who they're interviewing is an actor and a
Speaker:director named Michael Sheen. And I just love Michael Sheen. I
Speaker:mean, I love his work. I feel like there are certain actors
Speaker:and certain people now of course, sometimes you can be
Speaker:fooled, right? Maybe they're putting on a persona or
Speaker:whatever. But I think sometimes you can get it just kind of a
Speaker:sense of somebody's nature. You know what I mean? And Michael
Speaker:Sheen was in good omens he was in underworld. I think he was in
Speaker:Masters of Sex he was in what was the other one? The Vampire
Speaker:is? Right. Oh, my God. It's like I can't I can't believe I can't
Speaker:think of it but it's like with Robert Patterson and the other
Speaker:you know, the the vampires could glamour you or whatever. Oh,
Speaker:Twilight Twilight. Yeah.
Speaker:And we're back. Okay. I'm pretty sure he was in that. Okay. So
Speaker:let me set the scene. So Michael Sheen is sitting at the front.
Speaker:He's surrounded kind of like in an oval, like, the people are
Speaker:like, all the interviewers are in chairs in front of him kind
Speaker:of like in a semicircle. And the promotion for this show, right?
Speaker:Because I've seen various little clips. They said, be prepared to
Speaker:like to be asked any question from this audience and there was
Speaker:like a little like Spitfire clip. And somebody asked him,
Speaker:Are you afraid of bats? Somebody else asked him. Do you like beat
Speaker:boxing? It was so fantastic. Somebody else asked him if he
Speaker:could cook if he could bake. Somebody else asked him a
Speaker:question like, what's it like? I swear to God, they get up and
Speaker:they said, What's it like to date somebody to date somebody
Speaker:who's only five years older than your daughter? I was like, Oh my
Speaker:god. So fantastic. Right. So I totally mean makes you want to
Speaker:watch that. The whole interview and just see how Michael Sheen
Speaker:responds to this. Okay?
Speaker:But there was one in particular, a young man. His name was Leo.
Speaker:And Leo wanted to ask a question. Now if I could
Speaker:describe Leo, I would just because I'm a very visual
Speaker:person, right, as a storyteller, I like to be able to imagine
Speaker:things in my head. So Lille looks pretty tall, maybe, I
Speaker:don't know if he is in real life, but from from my aspect,
Speaker:he looks pretty tall. He had kind of like Sandy blondish like
Speaker:light, light brown hair, kind of like cherub cheeks. That got a
Speaker:little flush, because he was nervous. And he has the mic. So
Speaker:he gets handed the mic. And the announcer one of the helpers
Speaker:says, the next question is from Leo. And Michael Sheen says,
Speaker:Hello, Leo, you're very kind, you can just it was so kind. And
Speaker:so Leo goes to speak. Like, he stops himself. He goes to speak,
Speaker:he can't get the words out. And he's just like, it's he's really
Speaker:like trying to ask this question. And you can just see
Speaker:from his face, what he's doing with his mouth, that, you know,
Speaker:the way his body is being held that he's struggling, and he's
Speaker:having a hard time.
Speaker:Okay, so it's taking him a bit of time to do this. And the
Speaker:people around him start to say things like, you can do it Leo,
Speaker:don't paw like, don't worry, you know, all this stuff. And while
Speaker:his, you know, his friends and his peers around him, I saying
Speaker:these things, Michael Sheen says to him, you know, like, take all
Speaker:the time you need, like, we're not in a rush. And at one point,
Speaker:there's such a long pause, that one of the guides or teachers
Speaker:leans over and puts her hand on him and says, Do you want me to
Speaker:ask it? Do you want me to ask the question, or do you want to
Speaker:do it? And Leo says, I want to do it, I'm just nervous.
Speaker:And like, your heart just goes like, Oh, my God, like, you
Speaker:know, if you've ever known anybody who has stuttered, or
Speaker:has had a brain injury, or has, you know, has any kind of, you
Speaker:know, learning disability where they're challenged, trying to,
Speaker:you know, grasp the words, they're trying to say, whatever,
Speaker:you know, you have such, well, I can't speak for you. But for me,
Speaker:I have such compassion for that to be able to communicate
Speaker:freely, you're trying to find the words. And just knowing when
Speaker:you're that nervous, and you're talking to like a movie star,
Speaker:right? Like what that could be like for him.
Speaker:And so Michael says to him, Michael Sheen says to him, take
Speaker:all the time you need. And he's Michael is doing these little
Speaker:things. Like he gives him a little wink, he gives him the
Speaker:most warm smile, like all these gestures, and we're going to
Speaker:talk more about that later, and why that matters. But as I'm
Speaker:watching this whole scene, like my heart is just like, you're on
Speaker:the edge of the seat, and it's like, you know, Leo goes to
Speaker:speak, and he opens his mouth, and then he shuts it again. And
Speaker:then he puts the mic to his mouth, and nothing comes out.
Speaker:And then he just says to himself, right? You know, like,
Speaker:right, okay, like, you can see he's really trying to do it. And
Speaker:then all of a sudden, all of a sudden, his little buddy, his
Speaker:little friend that's sitting next to him just kind of like
Speaker:shouts out, he just kind of blurts out, increase your
Speaker:courage. Increase your courage.
Speaker:And when I tell you Dear Listener, I almost fell off my
Speaker:chair! Like my heart was just like, Oh my god. Excuse me, what
Speaker:an incredible thing to say. What an incredible thing to say. He
Speaker:shouts out, increase your courage. Excuse me, which is the
Speaker:name of today's episode is the title of today's episode,
Speaker:because it hit me like a ton of bricks for a bunch of different
Speaker:reasons. First of all, I just thought it was so beautiful. It
Speaker:was such a powerful thing to say. He didn't say, Don't be
Speaker:nervous. He didn't say Hurry up. He didn't tell him how not to
Speaker:be. He just simply says, increase your courage.
Speaker:Which means now I want to talk about courage and fear. Because
Speaker:telling somebody as it is a beautiful thing to say, and I'll
Speaker:in it and again, we'll dive more into that in a minute. Increase
Speaker:your courage. It was also he had to increase his courage because
Speaker:he was feeling something else, which is fear. And this is what
Speaker:I find really fascinating. So let's talk about this because we
Speaker:live in a society where there's a lot of like,
Speaker:feel the fear and do it anyways and we're gonna dive into that
Speaker:to feel the fear and do it anyways right? I come from New
Speaker:England, right? I come from Massachusetts, right the home of
Speaker:the Massholes where everything was like suck it up and stuff it
Speaker:down. Just do it right no pain, no gain, like doesn't matter
Speaker:right. forced through it. Push yourself like all of this It's
Speaker:kind of tyranny, tyranny, which, you know, I get it and a lot of
Speaker:us, you know, admit, yep, it made us tougher. Yep, we
Speaker:survived it. Yep, we got a little dopamine rush from when
Speaker:we felt terrified. And we still did it afterwards, right?
Speaker:However, alright. There's also a lot in our society, no matter
Speaker:geographically, like where you live this kind of this thought
Speaker:system and Nelson Mandela. So I'm gonna I'm going to tell you
Speaker:a quote about Nelson Mandela said about courage. And then I'm
Speaker:gonna tell you what the dictionary calls courage, and
Speaker:then we're going to talk about it from somebody else's point of
Speaker:view as well. And here's the thing about courage, we do not
Speaker:have enough time to kind of go through what the writers say,
Speaker:and the literary artists and the poets versus the scientists
Speaker:versus the, you know, the theologians versus the whatever.
Speaker:If you just Google courage and how to increase your courage,
Speaker:you'll get 1000 write different hits on on the Google. Okay, but
Speaker:Nelson Mandela said this, he said, I learned that courage was
Speaker:not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man
Speaker:is not he who does not feel afraid. But he who conquers that
Speaker:fear. So Courage isn't me. You know, I don't have any fear.
Speaker:It's the triumph over it. It's the one who conquers that fear
Speaker:me Toby. Just waking up for his nap. Okay, so then I looked up
Speaker:courage in the dictionary and I was like, Okay, what what is
Speaker:that? What is what is it they have to say? So it means mental
Speaker:or moral strength, to venture to persevere, and with stand
Speaker:danger, fear or difficulty? Okay? It comes from the old
Speaker:French supposedly, karate co I ag E, which means hat. Like hat,
Speaker:like I'm making a hat with my hands, right? It means hat,
Speaker:okay. In the hat as being the seat of emotions. Okay, so it
Speaker:comes from also, here's some other other, I looked in a
Speaker:couple of different places. It was also described as spirit and
Speaker:temperament courage, right your state or frame of mind, meaning
Speaker:valor or quality of mind, which enables one to meet danger and
Speaker:trouble without fear. Also, it is a metaphor, sometimes karate
Speaker:or courage for inner strength. And I thought this was really
Speaker:interesting. Because some people think that courage is not
Speaker:innate, right is not something that is built in, it's more of a
Speaker:skill that people can develop over time. When the relic
Speaker:courage comes from having the right skills in place. And like
Speaker:I said, we can go down the rabbit hole, but I just want to
Speaker:give you a little sip, sip, as Linda Thai says, a little taste
Speaker:of these different kinds of points of view about courage.
Speaker:Okay. Now, Erica Dawson. She's a professor at Cornell, I think
Speaker:business school or whatever. She did a keynote speech speech on
Speaker:this, I'm on courage. And she describes this and I would love
Speaker:to hear what you guys think courage is, but I wanted to,
Speaker:like I said, I wanted to come at this from a couple of different
Speaker:point of views and not just my own. Okay, so she did a whole
Speaker:talk on courage. She says courage is defined as having
Speaker:four different components. Number one, there needs to be an
Speaker:action that has an uncertain outcome. And the reason why the
Speaker:uncertain outcome is so important is if we knew how it
Speaker:was going to end, like if we knew it was going to work out
Speaker:and everything was going to be fine. It would not require
Speaker:courage, right? We just be like, hey, yeah, I got this in the
Speaker:back. It's no big deal, right? Okay. Number two, the person
Speaker:right, who the person must be fearful. Again, these are the
Speaker:components right? Number one, an action needs an uncertain
Speaker:outcome and then the person must be fearful, right? There has to
Speaker:be fear involved. Number three, right, the presence or perceived
Speaker:the presence of a perceived or real risk, this is another
Speaker:component that is necessary. And then number four, the individual
Speaker:who perceives the risks and feels fear, where the outcome is
Speaker:uncertain, then also takes action. And it's that piece
Speaker:right there, that even though they are feeling fear, and they
Speaker:are perceiving a risk, they have an outcome that is uncertain.
Speaker:They still take action. She defines this as courage, which I
Speaker:find so fascinating, and really landed for me. And can you hear
Speaker:Toby just demanding so many things? Okay. So when I was
Speaker:thinking about this, this feeling fear doing it anyways,
Speaker:right? It reminded me of something that also happened the
Speaker:same week, right, which is Is it reminded me of something that my
Speaker:hypnosis teacher, Melissa tears, who is brilliant, by the way,
Speaker:she does these great Instagram lives if you have that don't
Speaker:follow her don't know, know who she is go check her out. She's
Speaker:brilliant. And one of the greatest things about Melissa is
Speaker:as brilliant as she is, she remains curious, she remains a
Speaker:lifelong learner. And I always kind of love the point of view
Speaker:and spin that she puts on things. Okay, so this is what
Speaker:she said, she did a whole Instagram live on this. And she
Speaker:was calling it was like a little mini series. And she was like,
Speaker:Colin bullshit. And she's like, I call bullshit on this whole
Speaker:phrase, feel the fear and do it anyways. Okay, because she says,
Speaker:feeling the fear and doing it anyways, can actually oftentimes
Speaker:make matters worse. And she says, it's much better to
Speaker:actually change the entire wiring of the brain, right to
Speaker:change the emotional state first, before you then do the
Speaker:thing. And why this when I was listening to this Instagram
Speaker:Live, like, it moved me so much that I sent her a message and I
Speaker:was like, Holy shit, I was like, this explains so much of myself
Speaker:to me. Because when I tell you that I spent most of my life
Speaker:like terrified, like, most of my life, like deeply on the inside,
Speaker:like on the outside, like Tough act, you know, like, on the
Speaker:outside when I was younger, tough act. But on the inside, I
Speaker:had so much fear, which makes total sense. If you look at my
Speaker:upbringing, if you look at my childhood, if you look at my
Speaker:mother being killed, if you look at, you know, moving in, like
Speaker:all, like my whole childhood, just kind of looked at the
Speaker:collective consciousness of the culture I grew up in, if you
Speaker:looked at the things that happen, the events that
Speaker:happened, the lack of support the different things that
Speaker:happen, the trauma, right, it makes total sense that I moved
Speaker:through the world, just kind of like white knuckling it right,
Speaker:like, Oh, my God, like still doing everything. And it was
Speaker:like, even like on spring break, I remember being on spring break
Speaker:one time, down in Mexico. And there were like some local
Speaker:people who had some like, land, like some sand shacks, right,
Speaker:like swimming around, like down in the water. And all these
Speaker:college kids are like, up on this pier, like around and you
Speaker:know, the folks that were there was a man and a woman in the
Speaker:water. And they were waving at the kids to like, jump in. Like
Speaker:they just like, jump in. And everybody's like, Do it, do it,
Speaker:do it. And nobody wants to do it. Because everybody's afraid
Speaker:rather than we're like, okay, there's people down there and
Speaker:but all they really seen is shocks in the water. Right? So
Speaker:my whole group of friends, what do they all do? They look at me
Speaker:and they go shall do it kinky. We'll do cable do it. And I'm
Speaker:just like, and I just jump in, I just jump into the ocean with
Speaker:the sharks, right? And it's just like I was, I was afraid. I
Speaker:couldn't come across as looking kind of feel this. But of
Speaker:course, my heart was like a Ganga, Ganga Ganga. But as an
Speaker:animal lover, I have to tell you, I'm wicked excited, I did
Speaker:do it. And it was like, nothing hostile to them, you know, I got
Speaker:to, you know, swim around with the sharks. And that was like,
Speaker:really cool and stuff like that. But my point is, is that I have
Speaker:often put myself in situations, I always say, like, I'm an
Speaker:introvert that makes herself do extroverted things, right?
Speaker:There's a part of me that is afraid of a lot of things. And I
Speaker:always make myself do it. And I was thinking about this while I
Speaker:was listening to Melissa, and I'm going to tell you more about
Speaker:what she went on to say, and why am I work with her and what I
Speaker:have learned as a hypnotist, and just my work as a spiritual
Speaker:mentor, and all the work that I've done, right on myself, you
Speaker:know, over the years, and then I continue to do with others. This
Speaker:made so much sense. Because anything that is done with
Speaker:repetition, right, that is felt deeply with emotion and done
Speaker:with repetition, it gets can wired into your brain. And so
Speaker:here I have been from a very young age, being told basically,
Speaker:doesn't matter that you're afraid suck it up. Don't be, you
Speaker:know, all the things they used to say, don't be up, see, like,
Speaker:you know, like, don't be so thin skinned, don't be so sensitive,
Speaker:right? It doesn't matter. It didn't matter. Growing up, if
Speaker:you were afraid or not, it didn't really matter. And when
Speaker:you think about when you're a little kid, even if you're
Speaker:growing up in a healthy environment, where there is
Speaker:great attachment happening, you
Speaker:feel safe, your nervous system feels pretty good most of the
Speaker:time, right? Little kids have if you really just pause and think
Speaker:about how little control they actually have over their lives.
Speaker:Right now, of course they're not old enough or you know, mentally
Speaker:developed or physically developed enough to do most of
Speaker:the things to take care of them. selves. But that's not my point.
Speaker:My point is, is that they're told when to go to bed, they're
Speaker:told what to eat and when to eat. They're told don't do this,
Speaker:do this, right, like little kids really much just to like get
Speaker:bossed around their whole childhood, they're often told,
Speaker:doesn't matter what you think it doesn't matter what you feel,
Speaker:doesn't matter that you don't want to eat that, do that hug
Speaker:that person, kiss that person go to bed at this time where that
Speaker:do, right. So as little kids, we really get programmed. And one
Speaker:of my programs was I was not allowed to feel afraid. And not
Speaker:to be afraid, or to have big feelings or whatever, right?
Speaker:weakness was not tolerated. Right. My stepfather did not
Speaker:tolerate weakness. So it crafted in me this ability, yes, to have
Speaker:a fear and feel something and then just kind of like, whoa,
Speaker:bulldoze through it. But look, do you think that was helpful to
Speaker:my nervous system? Do you think that that was loving and kind to
Speaker:the parts of me that maybe needed a little more gentleness
Speaker:or a little more tenderness or a little more inquisitiveness?
Speaker:Right, you know, what I'm saying? So this whole idea of
Speaker:like, just kind of like, you know, push through your fear and
Speaker:do it anyways. So as hypnotists as change workers, as spiritual
Speaker:mentors, and yoga teacher, whatever, you know, there's a
Speaker:lot of tools and not just myself, other coaches, other
Speaker:people, you know, we have gathered a lot of tools. And one
Speaker:of the things that Melissa really talks about is that, you
Speaker:know, again, neurons, right, Rick Hansen says, neurons that
Speaker:fire together wire together. So if we do something repetitively
Speaker:enough, this is how we get, you know, habits. This is how we
Speaker:create stay on beliefs and identities and states of being
Speaker:is we do something and believe something and say something and
Speaker:think something enough times. Okay? So she said, rather than
Speaker:feeling fear, or and if you're not watching, you can see I'm
Speaker:making these like, like nervous movements, these jerky movements
Speaker:with my hands, like, ah, like, I'm afraid, rather than feeling
Speaker:the fear, and then wiring in Oh, we just do it anyways. Right?
Speaker:Why would I want to create that association with that thing that
Speaker:I'm trying to do? So I just keep wiring in Oh, fear in this
Speaker:thing, fear and this thing? It is much better. And we have so
Speaker:many tools to do this tools that I have learned from Melissa, you
Speaker:know what I mean, to first change the emotional state, and
Speaker:then approach or go ahead and do the thing, okay. And I wrote
Speaker:this down, because I want to make sure I you know that I'm
Speaker:very clear in my language. First, we change the emotion, we
Speaker:change the emotional state, we change how we feel first. So for
Speaker:me, one of the big ones is, when I'm curious about something,
Speaker:almost nothing will stop me, right. But curiosity for me is
Speaker:more like a love feels like Right? When I'm wicked curious.
Speaker:That's the thing that makes me want to go forward and lean in
Speaker:and say yes, and kind of follow that impulse, that divine
Speaker:impulse, right. And so I would much rather feel curious or
Speaker:calm, or less, like freaked out, like more kind of like, present,
Speaker:and like being able to make a good decision, because that's
Speaker:the other thing when we're in that fear state. Right? So for
Speaker:me, if I break it down spiritually, I would say I'm
Speaker:either in a state of love a state of mind of love, a thought
Speaker:system of love, or a state of mind and a thought system of
Speaker:fear. I'm either choosing the teacher of love, or I'm choosing
Speaker:the teacher of fear, right? And so if I'm in that place, where
Speaker:I'm calm and curious, and leaning in, and I'm in like
Speaker:that, yes, state, my body, like my nervous system feels like
Speaker:calm, right? That's a lot different than going into
Speaker:something from that fear state. Because when you're in that fear
Speaker:state, the parts of your brain in the front of your brain that
Speaker:actually make good decisions, it is not available to you it is
Speaker:offline, like the clothes for business, right? So why make
Speaker:decisions from a fear state because there can be dire
Speaker:consequences. When you just kind of are like, it doesn't matter
Speaker:what I feel, it doesn't matter. I'm just gonna push through and
Speaker:do this thing. Now, of course in life and death situations,
Speaker:right? Maybe that is necessary. But I'm just talking, like think
Speaker:about phobias. Think about all the different ways that we can
Speaker:be afraid in our life. Okay. So what changes the brain is to not
Speaker:keep feeling the fear and then do the thing. It's to change how
Speaker:you feel first, using lots of different tools, right? We have
Speaker:so many tools to do that these days, right? EFT, bilateral
Speaker:stimulation, right? The tap is technique like breath work. I
Speaker:mean, there's a bunch of different ways to do it. Okay.
Speaker:That's what changes the brain So now we come back to Leo and why
Speaker:this is important. So I started to think about what his friend
Speaker:blurted out and why it landed so deeply in my heart when he said,
Speaker:increase your courage. It was, it was like a great piece of
Speaker:just the words like increase your courage and the way he said
Speaker:it. It was so powerful. It was brief, it was impactful. But
Speaker:when I thought about why did that move me what was so
Speaker:powerful about it? What it was, it wasn't so much that he was
Speaker:saying, increase your courage, it's what those words were,
Speaker:which was encouragement. He was in COURAGING, his friend. Now to
Speaker:encourage I look this up to to give you a quote unquote,
Speaker:official definition, to encourage means to make strong
Speaker:to Hatton like think hot right to had to Hatton somebody to
Speaker:inspire with courage and confidence in spirit or hope, to
Speaker:heighten them to warmth, right? To make warmth, to cherish, to
Speaker:foster, to foment to support, and I thought, ah, that's what
Speaker:moved me. That's what I'm feeling right and in with, right
Speaker:to be in with courage to be given that courage to be
Speaker:encouraged. That's what was so powerful to me. And when I
Speaker:started to think about what Michael Sheen was doing with his
Speaker:body, with his face with his tone of voice, I don't even know
Speaker:if he knows that he was doing this. He seems like a wicked
Speaker:smart guy. So maybe he does. But it was everything. And this is
Speaker:what I noticed when Leo was talking, because it's pointing
Speaker:back to what Melissa is saying, to change your state first, and
Speaker:then do the thing. Okay, this is what I was perceiving. This is
Speaker:what I saw in this little 92nd or whatever it was clip. I don't
Speaker:know how long it was. A couple minutes, maybe. Okay. Leo stands
Speaker:up. He's really nervous. He's got the mic. He's trying to find
Speaker:his courage. Okay. What does he do? On camera, I see him take
Speaker:several good deep breaths. Exhales it out through his
Speaker:mouth. Right away.
Speaker:I know he's allowing his parasympathetic nervous system,
Speaker:he's inviting it to come online, right? The vagus nerve is down
Speaker:regulating, he's taking those breath, his nervous system is
Speaker:like seeking like, Okay, we want to feel different, right? So we
Speaker:know that that breathing pranayama and yoga breath work,
Speaker:right breath control can really help us he takes Number one, he
Speaker:takes a couple of deep, deep, deep breaths. Number two, he was
Speaker:given cues of safety. So the nervous system number one thing
Speaker:it is looking for cues of safety. The number one question
Speaker:it's always asking is, Am I safe? Am I safe? Am I safe?
Speaker:Right? So Michael Sheen in his brilliance in his maybe
Speaker:subconscious wisdom, right? Gives him physical cues of
Speaker:safety with his face, which I'll talk about in a minute. Then the
Speaker:aide who leaned over and said or the guide, or the teachers who
Speaker:said, Do you want me to read the question? Do you want me to ask
Speaker:it? Right? So she put her hand on him. So now he has a physical
Speaker:sense of support and safety. While that's happening, Michael
Speaker:Sheen is looking at him. He gives them a little head nod
Speaker:that says yes. So deeply subliminal. He winks at them.
Speaker:Not in a creepy way gives them a little wink. And he nods. And he
Speaker:says, Yes, he gives them a verbal permission, right to take
Speaker:his time. So we get an offer of help from the teacher. He's
Speaker:getting all these verbal, he gets a verbal cue right in his
Speaker:ear from his teacher gently not to embarrass him, right? Just
Speaker:says it quietly to him. And that's when he responds, like,
Speaker:No, I want to do it myself. Right. He's finding that
Speaker:courage. And then he's like, but I'm just nervous and he gets to
Speaker:say it out loud. He gets to say what he's feeling out loud. And
Speaker:all of these people around him who care about him, I'm
Speaker:assuming, right? Because of the way that they were acting
Speaker:towards him, it seemed as if they cared about him. They are
Speaker:supporting him. They're encouraging him. So he is
Speaker:getting what I would call compassionate witnessing. Okay.
Speaker:He states his fear, he states his need, like I'm afraid I'm
Speaker:nervous. And then the people around him, offer him help. He's
Speaker:surrounded by people that want to see him when they want to see
Speaker:him have a great outcome to this. And he hears the words of
Speaker:love and support around him. He was en couraged and all of those
Speaker:little things. That is what starts to show left what he's
Speaker:feeling? Because after the friend, you know, people are
Speaker:saying, Don't worry, Leo, you can do it Leo, right. He's
Speaker:getting all this encouragement, he's getting cues of safety.
Speaker:He's getting all this stuff, what I would call his balcony,
Speaker:people are cheering him on and supporting him. He's starting to
Speaker:shift how he feels he's moving out of feeling too nervous to
Speaker:ask, too, then finding within himself something clicked
Speaker:something changes, right? He his state is changed enough that He
Speaker:then asks the most eloquent and beautiful question about I think
Speaker:it was about Dylan Thomas, or about Michael Sheen's favorite
Speaker:writer. It was such a lovely question. And as soon as he
Speaker:finds the words, and he says it out, he gets rewarded, again, a
Speaker:little dopamine hit again, because Michael Sheen says back
Speaker:to him. What a fantastic question. So his courage is
Speaker:like, rewarded, it's paid off, in the moment is just so
Speaker:beautiful. He was encouraged. And this, I believe, is what
Speaker:helped him to increase his courage. And I just thought to
Speaker:myself, how different would the world be? If instead of
Speaker:everybody spending so much time trying to tear each other down,
Speaker:trying to attack each other in the comments on social media,
Speaker:trying to make other people feel stupid or embarrassed or to
Speaker:shame them? What if instead, our intention was not only of
Speaker:course, kindness, compassion, right? All these things? But
Speaker:what if it was encouragement? What if our encouragement helped
Speaker:to increase other people's courage? It would be a totally
Speaker:different world, if we felt like we were safe. We were supported.
Speaker:We were seen. And we were being encouraged from the people
Speaker:around us. So if you currently do not have those kinds of
Speaker:people around you, I would highly encourage you to find
Speaker:some, and the timing might be perfect. Because I am reopening
Speaker:my I have a spiritual mentoring group called the nest. And the
Speaker:nest, I ran it for three years, I took a pause for a year. And
Speaker:now in May, we're reopening it. And I'm so excited. And if you
Speaker:want to find out more about it, you can just go to Karen
Speaker:kenney.com/nest, all the information is right there. But
Speaker:this is an incredible group of people who are there to do their
Speaker:own spiritual work their own personal development, but
Speaker:there's such an incredibly supportive and warm and loving
Speaker:and encouraging community. And it's an incredible thing. So if
Speaker:you are lacking that kind of stuff, maybe in your day to day
Speaker:life, maybe the people around you are not that encouraging.
Speaker:Maybe you are like, okay, there's a big change, there's a
Speaker:big step. There's a transformation that I'm trying
Speaker:to make. There's a relationship, I'm trying to leave, there's a
Speaker:job I'm trying to go for, I want to ask for a raise, I want
Speaker:whatever the thing is, I want to sign up for this race. I want to
Speaker:finally write this book, I want to start a pot clap podcast, I
Speaker:want to start a business, I want to start sharing my app more
Speaker:whatever it is, you know, the nest is a very powerful place.
Speaker:And if you don't have those kinds of encouraging people
Speaker:directly around you in your, maybe your origin family or your
Speaker:friends or your workplace or whatever. The nest is a place
Speaker:where maybe you can find that kind of community and that kind
Speaker:of in this guaranteed shenanigans. Katie, Katie, I
Speaker:know you're Elizabeth is guaranteed shenanigans also in
Speaker:the nest, but it's a fantastic community. And I would love to
Speaker:have you be a part of it. You get like I said, you can find
Speaker:out more Karen kenney.com/nes Check it out. But you guys, I
Speaker:hope that this was helpful for you in some way. I hope some
Speaker:part of this story at the very least was entertaining, but
Speaker:maybe it was educational in some way or encouraging to you or
Speaker:enlightened you in some way. That would be my hope it made
Speaker:you feel something. And if you happen to see the clip, okay,
Speaker:check out BBC One, the player Michael Sheen, you will find it
Speaker:Google it. Look up Melissa tears go follow her watch that little
Speaker:video on calling bullshit on feel the fear and do it anyways.
Speaker:It was so enlightening to me about how when you get anxious
Speaker:about something when you have a fear around something, whatever
Speaker:that fear might be, that when you just keep forcing yourself
Speaker:to do it. You're basically wiring the brain to associate
Speaker:fear with that thing. So one of the things we got to do and this
Speaker:is what we do in my work that I do is we try to change As the
Speaker:emotional state, we try to change how we're feeling to
Speaker:something more resourceful and positive and helpful. So then we
Speaker:can say the thing, do the thing be be the way that we want to do
Speaker:start to change and shift that relationship to whatever that
Speaker:scary thing might be. Now, of course, we know common sense
Speaker:here, right? I'm not talking about, you know, common sense
Speaker:here. Okay. So, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you
Speaker:enjoyed the show. As you know, one of my goals is to always
Speaker:leave people better than how they first started the episode,
Speaker:right? So hopefully something from this landed in your heart
Speaker:or in your mind. And it's how I always end the show, right? My
Speaker:goal here, one of my you know, the biggest heartbeats of this
Speaker:show is to simply spread more love in the world. So hopefully,
Speaker:I was successful in doing that little tiny bit, maybe just a
Speaker:little bit, a little bit more love. Okay, so you guys,
Speaker:wherever you go, may you leave yourself in the animals and the
Speaker:other people and the environment, the things and the
Speaker:people you come across. May you also leave things in people
Speaker:better than how you found them. Wherever you go. May Your
Speaker:presence may your being there. May your love be a blessing.
Speaker:Thanks. Bye
