People Are Like Trees

Karen Kenney: 00:00:02

Hey welcome to the Karen Kenny show. I'm super duper excited to be here and to get to share this time with you so loyal listeners thank you so much for tuning in again. If you're new here welcome welcome come on in take a seat. That's what it feels like to me. I always say that like the beginning of Mr. Rogers show when he would walk in and change his sweater put on his little shoes. And or when Bob Ross is like beginning his painting show, that's how it always feels to me. When I record one of these you can't see him while some of you Toby's right behind me, Toby pajamas. My, my 16 year old cat. He's taken a little sun bath nap behind me. It's the cutest thing you guys. Oh my god, I love him so much. Okay, and we're back. So today, today's show, I have no idea what I'm going to call this thing. Maybe something like people are like trees, or relationships or like trees, but I think it's going to be like people I like trees. And this is episode 264. And it just still boggles my mind that I have I have managed to Purdue actually, I shouldn't say that. I can be consistent like a mom the bulk of what I want to be right. Like my DSP, my daily spiritual practice, there are certain things that that I'm just gonna do. And so far, so good. For five years I've been I've been doing this. So episode 264. I just want to celebrate that a little bit. Okay, what the heck am I talking about? So what you guys can't see. Those of you who watch the show on YouTube, and not those of you who listen, but there's a couple of different ways. Also, I should tell you that to interact with this show. You don't have to just listen to it. If you want to watch, some of us actually learn better. Like I know that I feel more connected to information or a person as I'm receiving information if I can see them if I can see their body language, their face their energy, like I really love that. I know listening can be wicked convenient. But there's something to be said for setting aside time where you just sit down. And a lot of times if I'm listening to a podcast with a particular smarty pants person, I will also have a pen and paper nearby. Okay, so what you guys can't see is that I actually face these two windows I have these two windows like kind of on either side of my computer screen and then I also have behind me like four skylights So everywhere I kind of look outside it is just Therese it is like trees everywhere. And I started here you know, I like to mull into Muse a lot I think as writers and creatives you know, we'd like to just kind of sit back and go into a little call it daydreaming call it mulling and amusing call it mind wandering call it letting ourselves kind of dip into the imagination, sometimes like to just lean back in my chair and look out the window. Sometimes like this morning, I saw a little family of Diego by already the squirrels all day long. It's fantastic. Turkeys too, I see a lot of turkeys. Is Toby. Ready just heard him. Hi, buddy. Okay, so I look outside. And I see all of these trees all the time. And it got me to thinking about as I was looking at them, how trees are kind of like people and relationships. And I even drew a little picture, I'm gonna hold it up. For those of you at home who are watching, you can see so I have this tree. And as I drew this little tree, like I have a bunch of colored pens, always, always look at these you guys see all that up, um, holding up like, I don't know, 1012 different colored pens, I always have a bunch of pens on my desk. So I just drew this little tree. And I started to think about it. So I'm literally just kind of gonna break this down. Because I think this can be a fun way to think about some of our relationships and the people in our lives. Because I think it can become wicked easy to become attached to this idea that all relationships are supposed to last forever, that everything is supposed to stay the same stay the same size stay the same place stay the same way. And you know for a lot of people, especially humans, right, I shouldn't even say a lot of people for most people. But our brain really likes this familiarity. So we don't particularly love change. A lot of people like some people can't stand monotony when things are the same. They don't like routine, but really the brain and the nervous system. They're not super huge fans of change. ENTJ and one of the great things in the great work that we can do. I know Toby, it's so hard being you, can you hear him Hold on. And we are now back from our Toby break. Okay. So a lot of times our brain, you've heard me talk about it before, it really likes to conserve energy. One of the ways it does that is by staying in the familiar and the nervous system a lot of times just likes, it loves certainty, right? It loves the familiar, it loves knowing what's what and whatever. But that's just not reasonable when it comes to human beings and relationships, because we are destined to grow. So we're just going to set I'm going to kind of break it down. I'm hoping that you're going to extract and be able to take away some some some of the ideas that I'm presenting here. And I haven't looked into this at all, I don't know if these are, to me, they're original thoughts. And I don't mean like they're special. But I was just thinking about this. So hopefully, if you haven't thought of this before, or looked at it this way, or read about it somewhere or whatever. This might be kind of an interesting way to to think about things. So I was thinking about roots, and the root system of trees. Now I have this ledge that kind of, you know, where I'm looking out on I have this huge ledge and so the trees kind of go up, up, up, up, up right there. Skinny trees, like young trees, really skinny birches, there's big oak oaks, like hardwood trees, there are evergreen trees, like all different kinds of trees on this ledge. And there's also downed trees or trees that started to rot from the inside. So the landscape is really lush, there's trees with a lot of moss on them. There's little baby trees growing, there are trees that have obviously been here for years and years and years and years. Who knows. Okay, so the root systems play a really big role, right? And if we're thinking about people as trees, when we think about our roots, so to me, this is like our origin family, where we grew up the experiences we had, like really, that kind of like, where the identity gets formed, the stories we tell the beliefs that we have the meaning we've assigned to the experience, all that stuff. Okay? Those origin family roots, sometimes can be so thick, and runs so deep, and they can be really powerful. And they can be really helpful. I mean, I know kids who have come from families where they love their family and their family ties are strong. And you know, they're healthy. And I'm not like their normal family. I'm not saying there's not stuff sometimes. But you know, I've met some people, it sounds like unicorns, but I've met some people that actually really like love their family loves spending time with them, people get along, they celebrate each other, you know, they cheerlead each other like all that stuff. And when those kinds of roots of strong math can be incredibly powerful, but some times those root systems are weak. Sometimes that family of origin, right? Like, look, and there's 1000 different ways, like even just looking at myself, right? I was a kid who was a product of divorce, and then a second marriage, and then that marriage was about to become a divorce. And then my mother was gone, she was killed. And then I went to go live with an aunt and uncle who I didn't know who became my guardians, right? So my origin, right, even though I had other family members around, like, whatever, those roots were really different than somebody who just like grew up and things were always stable, and their parents stayed together. And they had plenty of money and like they felt safe, you know, like all that stuff. So those roots can be really strong, really well nourished and grow deep. And sometimes for some of us, and I'm not, I'm not even speaking about myself, I'm just saying sometimes, right? For some of us, those roots can be really weak, and those roots can start to get rotten. And there can be too much happening in that soil that that tree and those relationships because of those people are not going to thrive, right a person aka the tree might not thrive in that environment. And this is when we need to report, report, dig up, dig up those routes and transplant it somewhere better. I think one of the best things I ever did for myself. And you know, an shout out shout out to my roommate Mani, who had a gig at CBS as an internship

Karen Kenney: 00:09:45

that took us out to California right took us out to LA but going to California for like eight years up rooting myself from the East Coast and going to the west coast was like one of the best things that I ever ever, ever did. And if I had just stayed here, I'm saying it was the best thing for me, I'm not judging people who stay. But for me, it was the best thing I could have done, because what it did was it exposed me to a new environment, more sun, different weather, you know what I'm saying. So sometimes we need to up root ourselves to go where we can have a different experience. And another thing I want to say about roots there and people in relationships is that sometimes those roots don't need to be seen. So think about it, roots go underground, they are the foundation, at which the rest of the tree eventually is gonna get its sturdiness, right. It's also where the nutrients are going to be coming in from. But the roots most trees, I know, there are some trees where the roots are like up, which I think is fascinating. But a lot of times like and I'm looking right now I can see all these root systems to on the side of this ledge, it's like, it's just so fascinating to me. So, but sometimes those those root systems are deep and they go underground. And you don't always have to see them for them to be nourishing. And what I mean is you might have some relationships that you don't really talk about, they could be and when I say they don't need to be seen to still be nourishing. This to me is also like communicating with my dead. Right. And I mean, just like keeping the relationships alive between the loved ones that we have had human and animal that have passed, we can still get nurturance it's not even a word. If it's not gonna make it a word we can get nurturance and nourishment from those relationships and people that may no longer be in physical form, but though they're underground, they are not seen by the outside world but man do we feel them I would also consider this to be your faith. Right? My relationship with God, my relationship with source my relationship with call it Mother Nature, the divine universe, I don't care what people call it. And I also want to make a point here about the fascinating thing about cohabitating species, right, like so let's talk about like trees and mushrooms. So they have kind of a symbiotic relationship where a lot of times the little roots of the mushrooms the mushroom, I think they call it like mycelium or something like that. I think that's the right word. Right? It goes down and it will help the tree roots. So the little, I'll call them roots, but it's like The Little Miss mycelium. Have you ever like dig up if you like dig up around a plant, you'll see how those little roots go out. But like mushrooms and trees are symbiotic. They help each other to grow, they help each other to get good. So I think from the from the mushrooms, the trees get more nutrients and water into their roots. And the mushrooms benefit from like a lot of times the sweetness, the sugar, the SAP and stuff from the trees. Now I'm sure there's a superduper, smarty pants, green thumb horticulturist gardener listening, who got so excited and has so much more to say I'm not a gardener. But I do love the idea. And I've seen it right this go outside, take a look around, there's a reason why a lot of mushrooms grow close to or on trees, right. So we also sometimes have these people in our lives who are feeding us, right and helping us to grow in side by side we are stronger together. And those are the relationships that you want to really give your time and your energy to those relationships that nurture you, those relationships that are foundational and help you to grow strong, deep roots, what I consider installing, like internal stabilizers that allow that tree to stay upright, you know, those are the kinds of relationships that I think can be really powerful and important. And remember, just because you know people always say shit, like, oh, blood is thicker than water. We're family. This is what family does. And I'm like, Ah, no, no, no, no, I don't think that that is a straight thing across the board. I think we get to have discernment, even about our bloodline. I get it. People can get weird, there can be some like sort of unspoken. You know, I once said to somebody in my family, whatever this contract is that you all signed, right? This code of whatever, I didn't sign it, right. And so it's like, I don't think that

Karen Kenney: 00:14:37

I just think I'll leave it. I'm gonna leave it simple and clean. We get to use our discernment with all relationships. I don't care if it's your mother, your father, your grandfather, your uncle, your siblings, whatever. When that shit starts to get unhealthy. You can uproot and plant yourself somewhere else, you know, and there's that phrase where they say bloom where you are planted and I would say yeah, sometimes because sometimes where you're planted, everything is working against you for you to bloom because those motherfuckers don't want you to actually bloom and become a beautiful flower. They want you to stay small in their shadow and no sunlight right they don't want to give you write they're afraid of your bigness. They're afraid of your light. They're afraid of your talent, they're afraid of your your, your energy, they're afraid they don't see it that way. They you know, they might they may not see it that way. But I've talked about this before. If you're in an environment where your roots are getting snipped and snipped and snip and snip where they're slowly trying to kill you death by 1000 Tiny paper cuts with their comments and their little cheap shots in their takedowns in their jealousy and their envy in their weirdness. Look at look it up root. And yeah, go bloom where you plant yourself someplace healthier and better with more sunlight and more more water and more nutrients and felt like you know when Bob Ross paints when Bob Ross is always painting a scene whenever I shouldn't say whatever but a wicked law wicked lot, a lot, a lot, a lot a lot. A lot of times when Bob paints one tree, what does he always say Bob Ross fans, I'm going to paint another little tree right here because we're gonna give it a friend because these trees need friends a man who men hands Bob Ross. Yes, they do. So we want to be looking for those route kinds of relationships that help us to stand side by side stand on our own two feet. But also help us to grow. Okay, now, let's move on and look at I could spend, I could I could do hours on this, the ways that I could just keep talking about these different elements, but we got to get a move on. Okay, let's talk about tree trunks. Right? There are certain relationships when we think about tree trunks. Now look at I know, there's exceptions to every rule. So stay with me, I know that there's bamboo and bamboo grows fast and it's skinny and it's bendy. Those relationships can be really helpful too. But let's stay focused on the trees right now. Okay, tree trunks, they tend to be solid, and sturdy. These other relationships that really help you to kinda take up space in the world, right? These are the relationships that allow you to find your own strength, that allow you space to grow. They don't try to keep you small and in a container. These are the relationships where we find stability and sturdiness and yeah, like that internal stabilization. These are the relationships where you're kind of like walking along and growing alongside people who also aren't afraid to take up a little bit of space. And I thought it was fascinating, you know, you can sometimes look above the trees of a canopy. And you'll see how these these like natural spaces between the trees at the top how they don't touch. And I know that there's some sort of scientific reason for this. But when I look at it kind of metaphorically, I think it's beautiful the way the trees give each other at the top room to grow to get their own sight like sunlight, when they're not all and I know it's not always true in nature. I can see it right out here. The bigger trees overtake the younger trees and like a lot, why a lot of them with it because they don't, that's why some of them grow crooked because it trying to get some sunlight, right? But I'm just saying that top canopy thing, symbolically I like to think about how they kind of respect each other's space sometimes, right? Not like invasive weeds. Right? We can talk about weeds after right, okay, because they're a part of they're a part of this kind of ecology here. Okay, so these sturdy trunks help you to stand and they help you to take a stand for the things that are important to you. They have BOC tree trunks have back right that protect you. And sometimes we do have to back don't we doesn't mean we have to hit people hurt people become violent, but sometimes kind of like the story I told a couple of weeks ago, right? Sometimes we don't have to bite but we do have to hit well sometimes we don't have to bite but we have to have a little back. We need to have a little bit you know have a tough exterior a protective skin. Now this doesn't mean that we walk around with our dukes up. I really do believe you know I've talked about this on other episodes that especially and again, I talked about this a lot because I've only lived on the East Coast and the West Coast right but I always say I'm an East Coast kid right? I've got an East Coast get I got an East Coast hat with like a West Coast sensibility, right. So but we here in New England, we often hear things like oh yeah, you know, he's up on the outside, but he's a teddy bear On the inside, he might be addict to your face, but he'll give me the shirt off his back. Like that's how Tommy is, you know, like, whatever. And I've always thought that that's backwards. You know, I think that we should be really soft on the outside like soft and welcoming. You know, I'm open, receptive, but man on the inside, can we stand strong on the inside? Can we have core values on the inside? Can we have a code? Can we have a certain toughness? And I don't mean like, like, an inner strength, right. But I also think that there are times in life where we have to be able to again, you know, have a little bit of a back to tell people like, hey, yeah, I might be kind, I might be compassionate. And as I often say, these days, I'm not interested in being nice anymore. I'm interested in being kind. But being nice, has gotten a lot of women into trouble being nice, that people pleasing that, like, whatever. It's not always the best thing for us. So look, here's the thing. You know, tree trunks, right are really powerful. They can have a bath on the outside, but don't they also, some trees, maple trees produce syrup, they produce something really sweet. That is yummy and nurturing, you know what I mean? So we can have a combination of both. And it's about recognizing when we have certain relationships that are too much back, and not enough sweetness, and recognizing those people in relationships where it's like too much sweetness. And it's like, hey, we need a little more. And I'm doing this kind of thing like a spine like we need a little more like internal internal strength, we need more internal stabilizers so that we're not just being blown about by any kind of fair weather. And this is where having a DSP, right, or having mentoring relationships and stuff in our lives, that help us to grow straight to meaning like to grow, to grow up to grow vertically, to not just go out shallowly, like a low crawling kind, not that not that moss and stuff doesn't play a role, but I think you pick it up what I'm putting down, right? So we want those relationships that allow us to have strong, sturdy trunks, and they're not trying to hack you down all the time. And speaking of trunks, it made me think of, you know, Shel Silverstein like this beloved book, I think this book, this children's book is one of the saddest books I've ever read. I cannot read it or hear it without crying. So Shel Silverstein, I'm just like, it's talking sad, you guys, The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein, this book, and you you've probably read it, if you're of my age group, I'm 55. Or you've been a school teacher or a parent or whatever, if you have probably seen the book, right? It's like green. And there's a tree on the on the cover. And it's like bending down heavy with fruit and there's a little boy reaching up to pick it Apple, I'm not going to blow the story for you if you haven't read it. But I was just thinking about the, the effect. The kind of like, you know how I just did that, that that podcast episode called like giving and taking or giving and receiving? Talk about a story that illustrates a lot of giving. Right, a lot of giving, and a lot of taking that tree gave and gave and gave. And that little boy took and took and took and received and received and received. I think in some ways, it's a little bit. Yeah, we can call it beautiful. We can also call it kind of a tragedy. And there's that line, that line in the book

Karen Kenney: 00:23:48

where it says, you know, the tree was in the tree was happy. And in one of those things, it will say like, oh, the tree did this and the tree was happy. And then there's that one time that one time was show rights. The tree was happy, but not really. Ah. Oh, it's just like a punch to the gut every time I hear it. So look, we want to make sure that were the trees, the trees, right the relationships, the people, aka the trees that we are in relationship with. Are not just taking taking, taking, taking taking and chopping down, chopping you down and chopping down your trunk and taking you out at the knees. Right? Be mindful, we got to be looking at that. Okay, some relationships and in people like branches. Now, here's the thing. branches can be really incredible. They can bend, right? They can often bend. I know when I was growing up one of the places we lived we had a willow tree in the backyard. And we used to grab those branches. I'm not saying this was nice to the tree and I'm not I'm not saying do this. I'm just saying we were little kids and nobody stopped us. We were highly unsupervised. But we used to, like grab the branches. And we would like bounce up and down on them, right, because they were springing because they were so flexible, and they would, you know, they were really strong and powerful. So some relationships, some aka branches are going to be really flexible, they're going to allow you to grow, they're going to give you space and time. And you might see this in your own relationships or your own friendships, right, there are going to be different times when you're in different places, like you might be somebody who really loves their work, or is, I don't know training for something like a like a triathlon, or an Ironman or a competition of some kind of, you know, or your, you know, went back to school or you just had a baby or whatever. And so your relationships are not going to be the same. And so you need maybe those people or those relationships in your life where there's more flexibility, there's more, there's more give some times maybe there's a little more take, there's a little bit of where there's room for you not have to, you know, talk every day or whatever the thing is, but not all branches are going to survive those changing times, like somebody might have just gone through, you know, heavy grief. And some of their friends are not able to hang. They don't know how to be with somebody in their sadness in their grief in their situation. So some relationships are going to be thin, but they're going to be able to bounce back, right, they're going to be maybe a little bit more sturdier. But if they don't get the nourishment that one person thinks they need, and they dry up, they're going to crack and break. And here's the other thing. Some branches like I think about that house where we had that willow tree. Okay, so we live it was a duplex side by side, we lived on one side. So it was like my mother, my stepfather, me and my sister, Kim. And then on the weekends and on Wednesdays my stepbrother and stepsister is who I consider my brothers and sisters, but just to explain context would come okay. But also so during the week also, and not every weekend, were my, my brother and my other sisters there. But next door, there were two little boys. Okay, Andy and Vinny. And so we used to sometimes grab the branches off that willow tree and use them as whips. So we would use those things as weapons against each other. And this is another thing we want to be looking out for people who use their relationship, they use their contact with you in some ways, as a way to weaponize. So look, it might be nice, it might be nice to have some of that flexibility, but sometimes those bridges break and then people pick them up and they try to whack each other. Whether it's guilt, or shame, or blame or attack or all the different divorce, like think about those relationships that break and end. And then there's all this hostility and all this stuff that goes on, you know, so just notice, right? We have the roots, we have those sturdy, sturdy tree trunks and then we have those kind of you know, branches that maybe, maybe are strong in, in, in in certain weather, but not so great in other times, okay, now this brings us to the leaves. Okay, think about what leafs do on a tree, they can provide shade, they provide beauty, right? They sometimes provide flowers, sometimes from those branches. And attached to those leaves it bears fruit, those little flowering fruits, think about like apples and pea, all the things all the fruits a bounty that grows right from those buds on the trees, the leaves and all that stuff. Now, here's the thing. We're gonna have some relationships that are like those evergreen trees that never ever, ever lose their needles, right? They stay green all year long. Doesn't matter of spring, winter, summer fall, those suckers are out there, they're green, they're happening, right? Some of those will start to like get a little rotten side, they get a little infected, they get some beetles, they get some bugs, like whatever happens. And we'll start to notice that their leaves are falling, their needles are drying up. And then there's just a bunch of sticky, sappy needles sticking to everything. All the time you go outside that like on your body shoes, you try to dig in the store, they get on your hands, right? It's like a mess. But there are going to be some relationships. Some people, right, that are strong through all the seasons. Those are evergreen friendships, Evergreen relationships, and they are going to thrive no matter what kind of like those root systems that are very strong, right. But sometimes, when the weather is when we talk about like fairweather friends when the weather is not fair, those leaves those relationships are going to fall away. Again, it's kind of like they can't hang in this new expression. They're like, Ooh, it got too much of this for me, right? It got too much of that for me. And like they, they might go out in a blaze of glory. Just think about the fall here in New England when although even people come to watch it, people come to watch it. This is like drama in relationships, right? People line up with like their popcorn to like watch the colors Blaze and then watch as it all falls, and it all changes. And here's the thing, we sometimes think about how sad that season is think about what it's called fall like all the trees are falling, all the leaves are falling off the trees. But if you leave those things alone for a little while, they become compost. Those things that end get refurbished, right, they get reused. They become the compost in the fertile soil. They create little houses for the other little creatures, you know what I'm saying? So not all of the leaves, you know, fouling is necessarily a bad thing. They can actually be leading to something new, it can be creating nourishment and growth for something new. Right? It's allowing more sunlight maybe to get down on to your roots. So it's all depends on how we want to look at it. Right. So you know, fall is when that season ends. And those relationships, those friendships, those people are maybe no longer in your life. And yeah, of course, sometimes it can feel sad, right? I don't think we talk a lot, or enough about grief, around friendships ending, you know, we often talk about, you know, grief around the death of

Karen Kenney: 00:31:42

loved ones, your parents, your sibling, a patent, like whatever. But there is a certain grief that also happens when friendships and unexpectedly, for whatever reasons is a divorce, and people choose sides or, you know, there's just like, things were going great. And then there was some patterns or habits or some things that you saw, and you're like, Yeah, I don't want to be a part of that, like, whatever. There's 1000 reasons why relationships end. But it's kind of like, you know, those leaves have to fall at some point. Some relationships are not destined to last. And then of course, in miracles, we talk about it like the three levels of teaching, we have those relationships that are going to last like literally like 30 seconds or three minutes. Like you go into the store, you buy a pack of gum, you pump some gas, you know, you have a little pleasantry, you know, with somebody at the checkout counter, every time a person, another person and a person get together, that's a relationship, whether it's for three seconds, 30 seconds, whatever. Anytime a person in an animal, you know, you know, when I walk outside, and I you know, I have these, these, these certain crows that usually hang out in particular trees on my walk. And I always talk to them when I hear them. And when I see them, I consider that I'm building a relationship with them. First of all, I love crows and ravens, I love birds. I love animals in general, as you know, but I just I love talking to them. So I just make funny noises and like, whatever, because they remember, I mean crows remember your face, they remember you. So I'm always thinking about like building relationships. But one of these I also wanted to say, I don't know how I got there, and we're back. One of the other things too, is that, you know, the leaves also will sometimes you know, they provide shade, right, I was saying so they allow you to sit underneath that canopy, you know, so enjoy, enjoy it while they're there. Oh, I know where I was going with that. Oh, I'm so glad I just remembered. So the three levels of teaching. Thank you. Thank you as to TJ spiritual team, I'm helping me burn. And we're back. Okay. So the first level of teaching is like a 32nd relationship, a three minute relationship, whatever, you know, I always use this example it might be I think it came from A Course in Miracles actually, like a kid, you know that kicking a ball and the ball rolls over to you and you pick it up and you toss it back to the kid like that is an opportunity to extend love, like that is an opportunity to have a little mini tiny tiny like SIP sip, as Linda Thai says, moment of relationship with another human being. So that can be like really cool, right? It's the first level of teaching. You know, anytime you meet somebody, it is a holy encounter. It is a holy encounter. So remember that, like who are you being when you're interacting with other humans and animals and the environment? Right? How are you treating the trees and the birds and the animals and the you know, the the hiking trails and the mountains and the streams and the rivers and the oceans, okay? Then there's a second level of teaching now, these might be the relationships that you have like three months, three years, whatever, they're a little bit longer, you spend some time together, and you know, you're together and then full, you're apart. And you know, you might have dated somebody for a year or two years or five, whatever. Right? And then you have kind of the third level of teaching which these are the great, the great teachers, the great relationships, they're not special, right? We love to make relationships special, but these are the relationships Maybe you spend this might be your family of origin. This might be your partner, your sweetie who you are with for a really long time. They might be lifelong friends, whatever it is. But just because they are the third level of teaching, right, I always say doesn't mean you actually like them. Just because they are some of your greatest teachers doesn't mean that you always like it or like them. So and this is what I kind of think about. So with the leaves, there's going to be a season where maybe it's like, just like a 32nd thing, or it's a three month thing, or it's like, Oh, I knew these people in college, but I don't talk to them or know them anymore. But there was something really valuable about the time that we spent together. And I think we also in this society, like I often say that while the notion of till death do us part, I think is the intention and the notion can be beautiful. But there are also times when that relationship is no longer serving, the roots are being suffocated, right. And people are not allowed to grow. And I always think that staying together while you still respect each other, like each other, have room for each other, allow each other to be individuals walking separately, but together, you know what I mean? Individuals but better together. That's a beautiful thing. But if it becomes hostile, and especially like, violent, bad, whatever, like that's not helping anybody. And so we get to decide, we get to decide. So beware of those fairweather friends, beware of the leaves that are falling and are meant to fall that is part of the natural cycle of that friendship, and celebrate the ones that are evergreen and stick around. You know, that's a beautiful thing, too. Okay, now there are some trees that bear fruit, there are some trees that flower, right? And so around here a lot of times, like in my own yard, there's the rhododendrons, there's the one of those things, the lilacs, and then I have another another another thing, what are they called, and leaves the honeysuckle the ones that get yellow, right. So in those are seasonal, too. And just like here in New England, like the Apple season or whatever. Now this past year, we had a frost a really early frost, and it like killed all the apples. It just was a shitty Apple season here in New Hampshire. But there are some trees, some relationships, some people that being in their presence, man, it feeds us, it nurtures us, it literally like they can give of themselves. I think of teachers this way. I think of mentors this way. I think of coaches this way. I think of leaders this way, there are people that have knowledge and wisdom, there's 1000 ways to feed one another right? They have information or insight, or they have extras they have like skill sets that teach us and guide us and love us. And these are like the external teachers who are using their bounty. And I think about this in the system that I use, or that I call and I talk about it like a system, but it's very loose, but these elements are always there, right. And I call it your story to your glory. And I will often talk about it as like a gardening metaphor, that in the beginning, like we're tilling the soil, we're getting down to the root of things, right, and there's rocks and it's, it's a little muddy and dirty and our hands again, and it's gonna get under our fingernails, we're gonna find some grubs, we're gonna find some buried shit, right. And then it goes through this process. And then like we're doing a little bit of weeding, right, we're being willing to like whatever, blah, blah, blah. But then at the end of this process, you have this bounty that you have grown. And what you have grown is you you have grown, you have shifted your perception, you have shifted your mind, you are on in the process of remembering who you are, and what you really are, and why you're really here. And part of this is being able to take those seeds that you planted, once they become mature and nurtured. And then you take of yourself, you have this bounty of something that you now have to offer. This is your glory, right? This is the glory piece is like who you remember who you really are that mighty oak or whatever, you know, it's very powerful thing. So when we have people in our lives, who are like the fruits of these trees, who are like the blossoms that, that nurture us and feed us. You know, these are the people that sometimes it's like we have great respect or reverence for not as like these elevated gurus. I don't mean it like that. I think the guru lives within you, and we're gonna go there next, right. But there are wise external teachers and the external teachers when they're doing their job. Well, what they're always pointing back to, and this is what I tried to really always remember is to empower people with the knowledge that external teaches what we point back to is your internal teacher, we point back to your internal resources. And while we all are resourced internally, we don't always know that we have those resources. Sometimes we don't even know that we have them. We don't know how to self love. We don't have we feel like we are totally helpless and ignorant and we don't understand. So So Sometimes we don't even know the resources are there. They're like buried treasure, right? And sometimes we know that they're there. Like, we have a sense that we are meant for something or there's more, or we, you know, we want it so bad, but we don't know how to access what's there. And we certainly don't yet know how to use what's there. And that's what, you know, a good spiritual mentor or a coach or the people that you for some people, it's, you know, a hypnotist, like myself, or it's a yoga teacher or a therapist or like whatever the helping professions, as I always say, right. And so there's that external fruit, though, that is always pointing back to What's Inside. And this leads back to

Karen Kenney: 00:40:44

what I think is really at the heartbeat of all of this in these relationships, which is that very first primary relationships, before we even go to the roots that grow that root origin family, before that, we go to the Divine heart of all of this the divine spark that exists in all of us, that divine intelligence that is sometimes talked about, like, how does a baby how does an embryo in sperm like how does it know how to become a baby? Right? How does that that little seed that gets planted? How does that acorn right, that acorn has its own divine intelligence. You know, my teacher, my friend, and my, you know, my spiritual godmother, Marianne Williamson will often say, the acorn knows how to become the oak. Right, the embryo knows how to become the baby, the bud knows how to become the blossom. Within each of us, we have a divine spark, we have a divine intelligence, it exists. This to me is the very beginning. Before even origin, family, and people are involved, there is spirit, there is the spiritual wisdom, there is a spiritual spark of life that we become. And it's that thing, it's that divine intelligence within us, that is so important, I think, is one of the most important relationships that we will ever have. Because that is the relationship of us with us. That is our relationship with God call it source, call it love, call it Mother Nature, call it the universe, call it whatever you want to call it, insert, as I always say, your happy word here. But we all have it within us. And it's that divine intelligence that knows, right, again, that that that wisdom that knows how to turn that little seed into this big flowering thing or that little, you know, not turns into, like whatever those bulbs turn into tulips, we also have that kind of wisdom and intelligence within us. And we have available to us, different practices, different ways of thinking, different ways of being different ways of speaking, right? This to me is like the subconscious, because the subconscious is directing like 95 to 97 to maybe 98% of what we think, say and do like who we are and show up in the world, how we grow, how we blossom, how we let our leaves branch out or not. You know what I'm saying? So if we don't spend I think I think it's important. Now look, you might say, Oh, I'm not I'm not religious, I'm not spiritual. I'm a scientist. Well, even scientists can't deny that there is a spark of life, there is something we might not be able to label it we might not be inclined to lean towards calling it something, you know, God ish, or spiritual or whatever. But there is mystery here there is something mystical that is afoot. There are shenanigans afoot is what I'm saying. And I think deepening that relationship is what allows us those internal stabilizes of a DSP, a daily spiritual practice, right? There's 1000 ways to create that too. But being able to use the tools that are available to us to help us remember that internal teacher the external teachers, right those relationships are always pointing back to the most inner important relationship you with yourself you with God or source or the creator of the universe or Mother Nature, whatever you want to call it. Right you and the divine. Ah isn't it just kind of fun to think about things this way? People as trees, right, these relationships. So hopefully, hopefully, you got something from looking at it this way. And maybe you can draw your own little tree like while you're listening to this, you can can go down and you can you can think about this right? So we have the roots of the origin family. Then we have the trunks, then we have the branches, right that are sometimes flexible. Sometimes they break, right then we have these leaves sometimes evergreen, right sometimes fairweather, and they fall, right? They fall, when it's time when that season has ended, that relationship has ended. And then we have some relationships that really bear a lot of fruit and food. And it feeds us and it nurtures us and we can share our bounty if we grow our own. Right. And then we also have the original the original, right even when you think about and I haven't read the Bible, but I mean, I was a Catholic kid I know enough probably to be dangerous, as I say, well, even back we go into the to the news of supposedly the origins of man, Adam and Eve, I think of everything is kind of an allegory or, or a metaphor or a story. That's how I kind of love to think of these things. And how did they feed themselves? Right? I think that the apple like the you know, that we started Adam and Eve is in the garden, where are they? They're in the garden next to a tree and there's an apple, and I think that I'm gonna, I'm gonna get I'm not gonna offend a bunch of people. I'll just stop there. But I find that that whole story fascinating. Yeah, so let's just let's just leave it at that. But anywho and we're back. So just think about this. Who are the people in your life that are like trees? And if you were to look around, right at the, like, primary relationships that you have, right? And there's only so many relationships that we have, I mean, think about it. We can't you know, when they say you can't see the forest through the trees, right. When I look around, I have some major trees in my little circle, some redwoods you know, you have yourself like one good redwood. That's amazing. You got two or three that is like incredible. And then as they go out, so look at the people in your life. You don't have to tell them you're doing this but for your own knowing. Right? What kind of tree is this person? Are they birch? Right? Are they? Are they a low bush that's never gonna grow? Are they a solid oak? Are they like these big ass bull pines in my yard that are huge. Right, I have these huge bullpens. I have a couple of them. And they're dying. I mean, they're massive, and they're dying. And I haven't taken one, we haven't taken either of them down. One is still kind of thriving, but the one in the middle of the yard is like dead. But we keep it you know why? Cuz the woodpeckers love it. It's not hurting anybody. It's if it falls, it's not gonna land on anybody or anything. Right? But it's like it's become a commune, a little community for critters and like all the other like little birds. If they love it, they build nests up there. It's like fantastic, right? So sometimes these relationships are gonna die, but it doesn't mean that they didn't serve a purpose and that they don't still serve a purpose. Okay, so just take a look around and ask yourself, hey, is this person a maple? Is this person? A redwood? Is this person like, oh, think about all the different kinds of trees they are? An acorn. What acorns or an oak oak trees. Right? Right. So what is it? How would you define and then, of course, we cannot leave ourselves out of this. We have to look at the different kinds of trees we have been in different relationships. And we have to think about if we were sometimes somebody trying to, you know, chop somebody's roots off if there were times where we were trying to hold people back if there were times where we were trying to block somebody else's sunlight when we weren't watering or nurturing our relationship. We weren't feeding it the nutrients it deserved. So take a look at your friendships, take a look at your relationship with yourself. Are you nurturing and feeding and nourishing and giving giving yourself enough quote unquote, sunlight enough quote unquote, water enough quote, unquote, you know, time to just kind of enjoy the breeze once in a while, right? Are you making those kinds of relationships like the tree roots in the mushrooms that are symbiotic that are you know, copacetic that are like working together for the higher and greater good? Just take a look around let your imagination run wild. And, you know, come back to me like you know, who are you standing in the forest of this friggin life with like, who is there? Creating shade in a good way, not throwing shade, but sometimes creating a nice little shade that like who are the trees that you can rest against when you get weary, not chop them down? Like The Giving Tree? I'm not talking about that. Don't be an over giver in an unhealthy way at your own expense because that is not loving either. That's not loving either. No matter what they try to tell you. Oh, all right, you guys. I hope this is helpful in some way. I really really, really appreciate you being here. And if you're not already on my mailing list if you have not joined, if you do that you can get this. What's this thing called a podcast, you can get this podcast sent directly into your inbox on Thursday mornings at like the crack and Dawn. Of course, you don't have to open it at that time, but I'd like to send it early. And then you can also find out about other shenanigans that I'm up to. I think by the time you guys have listened to this, I'll have done my anxiety workshop. I've had a few people asking me if I will do it online. So we're going to see I'm recording this before my anxiety workshop.

Karen Kenney: 00:50:36

So we're gonna see how it goes. And then I'll think about maybe offering it online as well. And just thank you so much for being here for being a part of my podcasting family, my podcasting community. I really appreciate it, I understand that life can feel busy and you got a lot of shit going on. And the fact that you took time to listen to this always means so much to me. So if you want to get on my email list, it's just Karen kenny.com/sign. Up. And if you just go to my website in general and peruse around, you'll see what I'm up to. You'll see what workshops I'm doing what yoga I'm offering, what I kind of have coming up, and I also have a little shop. I have a little shop, it's just Karen kenny.com/shop and it's got a few storytime hypnosis audios in there that you can buy for like 25 bucks, good stuff. All right, you guys. Wherever you go, may you leave the people, the place the trees, the animals the environment, better than how you found it. Wherever you go. May you be a blessing. Bye