ASKING FOR HELP
On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, we’re discussing something that so many people struggle with - Asking for help.
I'm sharing a powerful passage from Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations" that totally changed my perspective.
He basically wrote that we shouldn’t be ashamed to need support - just like a soldier who's been wounded might need a comrade to lend a helping hand.
Growing up in a blue-collar family, I learned early on that asking for help seemed like weakness.
But here's a truth: We're not born knowing how to do every single thing!
Remember when we were babies and little kids? We needed help with EVERYTHING - from tying our shoes to brushing our teeth to making a sandwich!
So why do we suddenly think that we should know how to handle all of life's complex challenges all by ourselves?
I share how trauma and tough upbringings can make us behave in hyper-independent ways – where we hate to ask for ask and definitely don’t want to feel like we’re “bothering” people.
We can also develop this kind of shield that says, "I've got this," when sometimes, we really don't. 🫣
But here's a shift in perspective that’s a game-changer: Seeking help isn't a failure, it's a superpower.
It takes courage to be vulnerable and admit you need support, whether that's from a mentor, a coach, a book, or a trusted friend.
This is an invitation to release the shame, embrace curiosity, and recognize that nobody comes with a complete life manual.
And a final reminder that AI/Technology can't give you a hug -or- truly understand your journey - only people can provide that kind of deep, transformative connection.
So, I encourage you to raise your hand, ask the question, make the phone call, and know that needing help doesn't make you weak - it makes you wonderfully human!
KK’S KEY TAKEAWAYS:
• Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
• We forget we were born completely dependent and kind of helpless.
• Trauma can create hyper-independence that prevents us from seeking support.
• No one is expected to automatically know everything in life.
• Human connection and intimacy heal way more than just pure information.
• Mentors and coaches can provide transformative guidance beyond simple advice.
• Vulnerability takes courage and can open doors to personal growth.
• Shame around needing or wanting help prevents us from accessing necessary resources.
• Technology and AI can’t replace the depth of human emotion and understanding.
• Curiosity and willingness to learn are much more important than perfection.
• Seeking help also allows others the joy of supporting you!
• The Nest - Group Mentoring Program
BIO:
Karen Kenney is a certified Spiritual Mentor, Writer, Integrative Change Worker, Coach and Hypnotist. She’s known for her dynamic storytelling, her sense of humor, her Boston accent, and her no-BS, down-to-earth approach to Spirituality and transformational work.
KK is a wicked curious human being, a life-long learner, and has been an entrepreneur for over 20 years! She’s also a yoga teacher of 24+ years, a Certified Gateless Writing Instructor, and an author, speaker, retreat leader, and the host of The Karen Kenney Show podcast.
She coaches both the conscious + unconscious mind using practical Neuroscience, Subconscious Reprogramming, Integrative Hypnosis/Change Work, and Spiritual Mentorship. These tools help clients to regulate their nervous systems, remove blocks, rewrite stories, rewire beliefs, and reimagine what’s possible in their lives and business!
Karen encourages people to deepen their connection to Self, Source and Spirit in down-to-earth and actionable ways and wants them to have their own lived experience with spirituality and to not just “take her word for it”.
She helps people to shift their minds from fear to Love - using compassion, storytelling and humor. Her work is effective, efficient, memorable, and fun
KK’s been a student of A Course in Miracles for close to 30 years, has been vegan for over 20 years, and believes that a little kindness can make a big difference.
KK WEBSITE: www.karenkenney.com
Transcript
Hey, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I am
Karen Kenney:super duper excited to be here with you today. Thank you so
Karen Kenney:much for tuning in. If it's your first time here. Hi. Welcome so
Karen Kenney:happy to have you. If you have been with me a few times, if you
Karen Kenney:wait, that sounded good. If you if you've been around the block
Karen Kenney:with me a few times, I'm waggling my eyebrows at you. Oh
Karen Kenney:my god, thank you for coming back. I super appreciate you
Karen Kenney:loyal listeners. I couldn't do it without you. So in my hand
Karen Kenney:I'm holding up this book. It's called meditations, by Marcus
Karen Kenney:Aurelius, and this is the translation by Gregory Hayes,
Karen Kenney:this is such a fantastic book. So some of you may know this
Karen Kenney:about me, that I am a writer. I am a storyteller. I am a lover
Karen Kenney:of books and words and reading and books have absolutely like
Karen Kenney:changed my life. And you know, back in the day, way back in the
Karen Kenney:day. And I was just talking about this with my friend Tess
Karen Kenney:masters. Tess masters also known as the blender girl. Some of you
Karen Kenney:might know her as the blender girl, but Tess has a podcast.
Karen Kenney:It's fantastic. It's called, it has to be me, and I'm actually
Karen Kenney:going to be on her podcast. It's coming out, actually, on the
Karen Kenney:same day as this episode. So Thursday, I think June 19, 2025,
Karen Kenney:I think that's when it's coming out. So she and I were just like
Karen Kenney:talking, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make a point about, first of
Karen Kenney:all, the name of this episode, right, asking for help. But she
Karen Kenney:and I were kind of talking about how, back in the day before,
Karen Kenney:there were like, all these coaches and all these, like
Karen Kenney:certified mentors and like all these people that you could hire
Karen Kenney:like when you needed support, like back in the day, so much of
Karen Kenney:how I helped myself transform, make changes, do stuff is I read
Karen Kenney:books like I found so much wisdom, and so many of my
Karen Kenney:mentors were like, first and foremost in written form, in
Karen Kenney:like, the Self Help section of like, you know, the the crown
Karen Kenney:bookstore in California, or borders here, you know, in conk
Karen Kenney:and whatever. So back in the day, like I said before, there
Karen Kenney:are people like me now who are, like, certified spiritual
Karen Kenney:mentors, certified coaches, all these things you had to, you had
Karen Kenney:to help yourself, right, like the self there was a reason why
Karen Kenney:it was called the Self Help section. And if you wanted to
Karen Kenney:make change and stuff, you had to, like, go do the work. Just
Karen Kenney:to do the work, meaning, like, you had to get your ass to the
Karen Kenney:bookstore to buy the thing. You had to order the cassettes, or
Karen Kenney:you had to go to a lecture to meet somebody in person. There
Karen Kenney:was no internet. There was no like, dialing it up and like
Karen Kenney:hiring people online or whatever. So back in the day,
Karen Kenney:like we really had to do it, and a lot of it came through books.
Karen Kenney:And this book, Marcus Aurelius meditations, was, like such a
Karen Kenney:powerful and potent it still is. That's why I'm like, I reread it
Karen Kenney:all the time. I picked this sucker up all the time and thumb
Karen Kenney:through it. And I was reading it this morning, and I was like, Oh
Karen Kenney:my God, I want to make sure that I talked about this. And then I
Karen Kenney:went back, and I tried to check through my episodes, and I'm
Karen Kenney:like, How have I never done an episode called asking for help?
Karen Kenney:I, for sure, have talked about, you know, talked about asking
Karen Kenney:for help, or getting help in, like, certain situations. I
Karen Kenney:think I had an episode called, How can I help, or whatever, but
Karen Kenney:I don't think I've ever approached it in quite this way.
Karen Kenney:But let me read to you what this this passage in meditations,
Karen Kenney:Marcus Aurelius. Now this book, this book, the translation by
Karen Kenney:Gregory Hayes. It's like bitten, bitten. No, it's not been, it's
Karen Kenney:broken, broken down into like 12 different books. That's what
Karen Kenney:they're calling them, like 12 little books. And in book seven,
Karen Kenney:so it's like 7.7 so Book Seven, entry seven, 7.7 I just read
Karen Kenney:this today. I highlighted it here, and I thought it was so
Karen Kenney:fantastic. And I want to share with you, because I think it's
Karen Kenney:wicked helpful, especially for us, some of us New England kids.
Karen Kenney:And it's actually, it's actually fitting that I'm wearing my navy
Karen Kenney:mass hole, my navy mass hole t shirt today, because for us
Karen Kenney:little mass holes, this is a really wicked helpful reminder.
Karen Kenney:It says, Don't be ashamed to need help. Like a soldier
Karen Kenney:storming a wall, you have a mission to accomplish, and if
Karen Kenney:you've been wounded and you need a comrade to pull you up, so
Karen Kenney:what? So what? Don't be ashamed to need help. And I thought this
Karen Kenney:was so fantastic when I first read it, and it stopped me in my
Karen Kenney:tracks, because I was a kid who, because of my upbringing, and I
Karen Kenney:guarantee you somebody else there, if not, many of you out
Karen Kenney:there are going to be able to relate to this. So one of the
Karen Kenney:things that happens a lot with like traumatized kids, not all
Karen Kenney:of. Like everybody kind of responds to the events of their
Karen Kenney:life differently, but a lot of us became like hyper
Karen Kenney:independent. Some of us became hyper independent because we
Karen Kenney:were number one, highly unsupervised, highly, highly
Karen Kenney:unsupervised as children. Oh, my God. I always, I always jokingly
Karen Kenney:say, I write about this in my memoir, and I say, you know, we
Karen Kenney:weren't just highly unsupervised. We were like,
Karen Kenney:fucking feral. We were like, feral, you know. So you had a
Karen Kenney:bunch of, like, first of all, you had a bunch of young
Karen Kenney:parents. I always call it like babies raising babies. That was
Karen Kenney:kind of how it was. And a lot of times those quote, unquote
Karen Kenney:babies, which were the adults, the parents, the Guardians,
Karen Kenney:whatever, the people who are supposed to be taking care of
Karen Kenney:us. You know, they were like working. We were like blue
Karen Kenney:collar kids. They were either, like, working two jobs, three
Karen Kenney:jobs, hustling on the side, or just off doing shit like, I
Karen Kenney:mean, you know, I generation, they had to, like, do a
Karen Kenney:commercial, like a public service a PSA, a public service
Karen Kenney:announcement. You guys remember that sucker? And it was
Karen Kenney:different celebrities, and they like Grace Jones and Andy Warhol
Karen Kenney:and like, I'm trying to think there were a bunch of them. And
Karen Kenney:they'd like, stare into the camera, and they'd be like, it's
Karen Kenney:10pm Do you know where you I can't even get through it. It's
Karen Kenney:so funny to me. It's 10pm Do you know where your children are?
Karen Kenney:Here's the answer, no, most of them did not know where we were
Karen Kenney:again because we were in feral we were just like running
Karen Kenney:around. Okay, but the reason why I'm telling you all this is a
Karen Kenney:lot of times we did not have good guidance. A lot of times we
Karen Kenney:didn't always have people who were, like, teaching us or
Karen Kenney:helping us or showing us. So we had to figure out a lot of stuff
Karen Kenney:on our own. And because of that, we tended to become really like,
Karen Kenney:like, talk about self help. We had to help ourselves quite a
Karen Kenney:bit. We became vigilant, like, almost like, hyper, hyper
Karen Kenney:independent. And in some ways, that can be a really powerful
Karen Kenney:and beautiful thing, because we, like, we That's the original
Karen Kenney:fafo, right? F, A, F, O, fuck around. Find out. We had to a
Karen Kenney:lot of times. Find out the hard way, because nobody was telling
Karen Kenney:us, like, Hey, you might not want to play on the train
Karen Kenney:tracks. Like, hey, you might want to, might not want to drive
Karen Kenney:over there and, like, buy drugs off that person you don't know.
Karen Kenney:Like, hey, you might not want to, like, go do this thing. You
Karen Kenney:know what I mean. So a lot of times we had to find out the
Karen Kenney:hard
Karen Kenney:way. But which can be valuable, right? Like, being really
Karen Kenney:independent is a powerful thing. It is also when it leans too
Karen Kenney:far, goes too far, it's like a trauma response, and you start
Karen Kenney:to feel like that you cannot ask for help. Number one, because
Karen Kenney:there's nobody there to actually help you. Number two, you don't
Karen Kenney:want to when you get rewarded, that's another thing that
Karen Kenney:happens is when you don't ask for a lot of help a lot of
Karen Kenney:times, especially if you're in a family where there's already one
Karen Kenney:sibling or one child who is challenged or sick or struggling
Karen Kenney:or whatever's going on with them, and your parents might not
Karen Kenney:have a lot in the tank left over, like for you or for your
Karen Kenney:siblings or anybody else, right? So whatever, there's different
Karen Kenney:circumstances. It could be. You could have grown up in an
Karen Kenney:alcoholic household, or a drug, you know, drug use, whatever.
Karen Kenney:There's 1000 ways where families, right, or parents or
Karen Kenney:guardians, whoever you grew up with, you're in foster care,
Karen Kenney:whatever. There just weren't people available to, like, walk
Karen Kenney:you through some of the harder parts of things. And another
Karen Kenney:thing that also happens in a lot of families, and especially, I
Karen Kenney:know, for like, a lot of blue collar kids and kids I grew up
Karen Kenney:with, you know, you would often feel shame for needing help,
Karen Kenney:yeah, for if you you felt like you couldn't ask for help, and
Karen Kenney:to ask for help made you look weak, made you sound weak. Now,
Karen Kenney:it's one thing if you're asking for help, sometimes for physical
Karen Kenney:things, like, like, Hey, I gotta move. And there's like, I only
Karen Kenney:gotta, you know, I only got my little car, and I need help,
Karen Kenney:like, those kinds of things. It's not necessarily that,
Karen Kenney:although I have known people who would just go rent a U haul and
Karen Kenney:like, you know, rather just like, and just try to do it all
Karen Kenney:themselves, rather than ask for help, because a lot of times,
Karen Kenney:you know that stigma of needing help, especially, especially
Karen Kenney:emotionally and mentally. You know, it was okay to to ask
Karen Kenney:people to help you, like, move a table, move a couch, like, do
Karen Kenney:something like that, right? Because when things would be,
Karen Kenney:quote, unquote, physically impossible, but to ask for help
Karen Kenney:because you were struggling emotionally, to ask for help
Karen Kenney:because you were struggling, you know, mentally, a lot of times
Karen Kenney:it was seen as a weakness. And what I love about this little
Karen Kenney:passage, again, you know, in in meditations is it's just saying,
Karen Kenney:Don't be ashamed to need help like a soldier storming a wall.
Karen Kenney:You have a mission to accomplish, and if you've been
Karen Kenney:wounded and you need a comrade to pull you up, so what? And I
Karen Kenney:really. Relate this, like, if you've been wounded, like, yeah,
Karen Kenney:maybe some shit went down in your childhood. Maybe some stuff
Karen Kenney:happened to you as a young person, or as a young teenager,
Karen Kenney:or young, you know, human being, where you weren't given
Karen Kenney:everything that you needed. And that could literally be like the
Karen Kenney:clothes on your back, food in your in your body. It could have
Karen Kenney:been the protection that you needed. It could have been the
Karen Kenney:education that you needed, the support that you needed, you
Karen Kenney:know, there's a lot of ways that kids fell through cracks, you
Karen Kenney:know, and still, still to this day, I'm not just saying, like,
Karen Kenney:Oh, back then, that's how I can, you know, I always say, I tend
Karen Kenney:to talk about my own experiences, because that's what
Karen Kenney:I tend to be an expert on. Like, that's what I tend to, like,
Karen Kenney:know about. And I don't assume that everybody has had the same
Karen Kenney:experience as me, but I think a lot of us can relate, you know.
Karen Kenney:And I think that this is prevalent, not just for, you
Karen Kenney:know, blue collar kids, but also you see it in different
Karen Kenney:populations, you know, where it can be hard for men to say, to
Karen Kenney:admit, like, Hey, I'm struggling, or whatever, like,
Karen Kenney:I'm having a hard time emotionally, you know, for a lot
Karen Kenney:of for a lot of boys and men, you're not allowed, you're not
Karen Kenney:allowed to, like, cry or have those feelings in some people's
Karen Kenney:homes coming up, you know. And I really was, like, thinking about
Karen Kenney:this, because this stigma of the stigma of like, asking for help
Karen Kenney:makes you weak, or you should be ashamed. And I started thinking
Karen Kenney:about how, like, when you're born, right? When you're like,
Karen Kenney:born into this little body, you cannot feed yourself, you cannot
Karen Kenney:clothe yourself, you cannot, like, get around on your own.
Karen Kenney:You know, you, you, you are totally helpless. You cannot
Karen Kenney:verbalize other than to cry, right? You cannot verbalize your
Karen Kenney:wants, your needs, like your suffering, like, I've got a wet
Karen Kenney:diet. All you can do is, like, cry, but like, you're completely
Karen Kenney:helpless. We didn't know how to do jack shit as a baby, except,
Karen Kenney:like, stick our feet in our own mouths and like, you know, make
Karen Kenney:faces and, you know, and poop in a diaper. Like, that's what we
Karen Kenney:knew how to do, right? So from the time we were little kids, we
Karen Kenney:needed help, and we could ask for help. Like, think about it,
Karen Kenney:we didn't know how to ride bikes, we didn't know how to tie
Karen Kenney:our own shoes. We didn't know how to make, like, a sandwich.
Karen Kenney:Like, we didn't know how to do things. We didn't know how to
Karen Kenney:sew or cook or do laundry or drive a car or, like, think
Karen Kenney:about the gazillion things that we didn't know how to do when we
Karen Kenney:were little kids, when we were young, when we were babies, and
Karen Kenney:how much help we needed, not only how much help we needed,
Karen Kenney:how much help we probably got. I'm not saying they were
Karen Kenney:perfect. I'm not saying our parents were perfect, but how
Karen Kenney:much help we kind of did. We learned how to button a button.
Karen Kenney:We learned how to zip a zip up. We learned how to like, you
Karen Kenney:know, walk to school. We learned how to like, you know, read a
Karen Kenney:book. Not everybody, but a lot of us, you know what I mean. So
Karen Kenney:we got, like, a shit ton of help. So we were also, though,
Karen Kenney:encouraged. We were often encouraged by teachers. Like, if
Karen Kenney:you don't know something, raise your hand. Let me help you,
Karen Kenney:right? That's a whole profession of like tudas. What do you think
Karen Kenney:tutas Are? Tutors are designed to, like, help kids who are
Karen Kenney:struggling with a particular subject, you know? And when you
Karen Kenney:just still look around you people in my profession, what I
Karen Kenney:call the helping professions, right? The service professions.
Karen Kenney:We're here. I always say, if everybody figured everything out
Karen Kenney:on their own, if everybody was doing fantastic, like, I
Karen Kenney:wouldn't have a job, you know, I wouldn't be teaching yoga if
Karen Kenney:everybody knew how to do it and do it fantastically and didn't
Karen Kenney:need help. You know what I'm saying? I wouldn't be a
Karen Kenney:spiritual mentor. I wouldn't be an integrative coach. I wouldn't
Karen Kenney:be doing any of these things if nobody needed help. And so I
Karen Kenney:want to, kind of like normalize this, for us to get out of this,
Karen Kenney:this old limitation, like limiting mindset, that that it's
Karen Kenney:weak somehow to ask for help. And I think we're kind of like,
Karen Kenney:sold this load of bullshit that, like, just because we're a
Karen Kenney:certain age, or just because we've gone through a certain
Karen Kenney:thing, we should, quote, unquote, know this already. We
Karen Kenney:should know how to do these things, and sometimes we just
Karen Kenney:need a little bit of help. Because, again, we have to go
Karen Kenney:back to, like, the brain, right? And how the brain functions. The
Karen Kenney:brain is always going to try to access, like, what's familiar.
Karen Kenney:It's going to want to try and, like, do things based on what
Karen Kenney:it's already experienced. You know, it goes it time travels.
Karen Kenney:Obviously, it likes to time travel into the past and and
Karen Kenney:just assign meaning to, like, the Oh, I know how this cup is
Karen Kenney:going to be, I know how this chair is going to be, I know how
Karen Kenney:this trip is going to be. I know how this person is going to be.
Karen Kenney:Because I've interacted with them before. So it's always like
Karen Kenney:looking for the familiar. It's not really, I think it's so
Karen Kenney:fascinating how much we rely on on the brain. And a lot of times
Karen Kenney:I will say to people like, Okay, here's the deal. Your your best
Karen Kenney:thinking, like your number one, numero uno, like best thinking
Karen Kenney:with your current brain is what got you here, right into
Karen Kenney:trouble, into this suffering, into this pattern, into this
Karen Kenney:habit, into this way of being like your best thinking. So if
Karen Kenney:you want to do something different or novel or new or
Karen Kenney:transformative or make change like what got you here is not
Karen Kenney:going to get you there, and we need to bring in, sometimes, new
Karen Kenney:resources, new tools, new teachers, new help is right. Who
Karen Kenney:can you know, not boss you around and like, wag their
Karen Kenney:finger and tell you like at you and tell you like what to do,
Karen Kenney:but can certainly be a guide along the way, you know, and
Karen Kenney:say, Hey, and I used to hate, like hate asking for help for a
Karen Kenney:couple of reasons. Number one, I had that old stigma of like to
Karen Kenney:ask for help is weak. Number two, right? Part of the ego and
Karen Kenney:part of like, the pride of like, I like to do things on my own.
Karen Kenney:Look how independent I am, look how capable I am, right? That
Karen Kenney:felt good to be able to do that. Also, there's another thing that
Karen Kenney:kind of happens with a lot of that kind of,
Karen Kenney:you know, the upbringings that I came from in like, trauma, and I
Karen Kenney:know other people again, double Amen hands, if you can relate to
Karen Kenney:what I'm about to say is that you don't ever want to feel like
Karen Kenney:a burden to somebody else. You don't want to feel like you're a
Karen Kenney:bother or that you're bothering somebody else, right? That's one
Karen Kenney:of the things, and it's also like risking rejection, like
Karen Kenney:you're going to ask for help and somebody's going to say no. And,
Karen Kenney:man, what that would do to like a kid like me back in the day,
Karen Kenney:like I would just feel ashamed, first of all, for having to ask
Karen Kenney:for help, and then if I allowed myself to be vulnerable and ask
Karen Kenney:for help, and like, gotta know, oh my god. Like, back then, that
Karen Kenney:would have just felt like I just inside, like I just got a little
Karen Kenney:squishy, like, my hat, just like, squeezed a little bit
Karen Kenney:thinking about, like, younger me, like, trying to be so brave,
Karen Kenney:and, like, put down her Dukes, you know, and like, Vicky with
Karen Kenney:2k from large is being like, Okay, I'm gonna ask for help,
Karen Kenney:and if somebody, like, you know, wasn't nice to me about it, or
Karen Kenney:made me feel stupid for needing help, or I felt ashamed. Like,
Karen Kenney:why can't you figure this out? Like, how do you not already
Karen Kenney:know how to do this? Right? That's the thing again, the mass
Karen Kenney:hole thing, right? There's like, people talk about people from
Karen Kenney:Boston and people from Massachusetts, like, they'll
Karen Kenney:say, we're kind, but we're not nice, meaning we're kind. We'll
Karen Kenney:help you. We'll do stuff for you. We'll literally give you
Karen Kenney:the shirt off our back, but we're going to bust your balls
Karen Kenney:the whole time we're doing it. We're going to make fun of you
Karen Kenney:and be sarcastic and, you know, cheap shot you, and do all that
Karen Kenney:stuff. And I'm like, Oh my god. So like, a lot of times, your
Karen Kenney:vulnerability, you know, I always say, when you we when we
Karen Kenney:would have tender places as a kid, you would think that
Karen Kenney:another human being would recognize that it's a tender
Karen Kenney:place, so that they would tread lightly and it's no they would
Karen Kenney:find your tender place, and they would find, like, noogie it, you
Karen Kenney:know, like they would go for it. So there's kind of like this
Karen Kenney:built in protective measure across the board, for a lot of
Karen Kenney:people, where they're expected, they feel like they're expected
Karen Kenney:to know so many things. And I remember, you know, I remember,
Karen Kenney:like, back even, even as a my mother, like, I got, I got my
Karen Kenney:sex talk pretty young. I think I was, like, six years old. And so
Karen Kenney:I also learned all about menstruation and girls having
Karen Kenney:their period, and, like, the whole thing, which I totally
Karen Kenney:dreaded, like I totally dreaded. And, you know, my mother, I
Karen Kenney:think, taught me about, like, I know she did. She taught me
Karen Kenney:about, like, maxi pads and whatever, and said, like, there
Karen Kenney:were, you know, other things, like tampons, whatever, Playtex,
Karen Kenney:Kotex, all the different brands. But she died before I ever used
Karen Kenney:a tampon. And I remember I did not want to ask my sister to
Karen Kenney:show me how to do it. I wasn't going to ask my aunt. I was
Karen Kenney:like, nope, right? Like, and so I had to figure it out on my
Karen Kenney:own. And I'll never forget that whole experience. You know, it's
Karen Kenney:like, you don't know what size to buy, like, you have to go to
Karen Kenney:the store and, like, get them, and you get then you get to go
Karen Kenney:and, like, figure it out, and the string and the whole thing.
Karen Kenney:I'm sure somebody out there is laughing right now, because you
Karen Kenney:too, you too, had to figure it out on your own. But then I
Karen Kenney:helped other girlfriends who also had, who were also feral,
Karen Kenney:who were also highly unsupervised, right? Who didn't
Karen Kenney:want to wear maxi pads like you know, again, I'm not bagging on
Karen Kenney:any. Anybody who that was your preference, or whatever. Just
Karen Kenney:for me, it was not my preference. So I apologize for
Karen Kenney:making it. But for me, it was just like, No. But I also had
Karen Kenney:to, like, help them. And one of the things that I try to remind
Karen Kenney:myself all the time as a reminder, obviously, for my tone
Karen Kenney:of voice with other people like I never want people to feel
Karen Kenney:ashamed for not knowing things. I want to reward curiosity and I
Karen Kenney:want to reward courage and vulnerability when somebody like
Karen Kenney:doesn't know how something works or doesn't understand something,
Karen Kenney:and it's so easy to be flippant, right? I know I've done it. I
Karen Kenney:know I've been quote, unquote guilty of this before in my
Karen Kenney:past, and I really try to be mindful these days, because I
Karen Kenney:had to reform my own thinking about like, it's okay that I
Karen Kenney:don't know how to do everything. It's okay that I might need a
Karen Kenney:like, you know, a reminder on how to like, you know, do
Karen Kenney:something, you know, and in this world where everything is
Karen Kenney:becoming increasingly, like, more technical, I've just
Karen Kenney:accepted, I always say, the older I get, the more that I
Karen Kenney:realize that, like, it just becomes painfully aware to me,
Karen Kenney:like, just how much I don't know. So I am willing to take a
Karen Kenney:book out, or to buy a book or to read an article or to Google
Karen Kenney:something, but sometimes it just hits a point when you're like, I
Karen Kenney:need another human being to sit down with me and to walk me
Karen Kenney:through this, to talk me through this, to show me how they
Karen Kenney:approach this thing. Preferably, I always say like, again with
Karen Kenney:Marcus Aurelius, right in meditations. I'm like, when
Karen Kenney:smarty pants people are saying smarty pants things, I am smarty
Karen Kenney:pants enough to pay attention and to listen, right? So I try
Karen Kenney:to, like, go to, you know, somebody who I feel like has
Karen Kenney:been successful in doing this thing before me, or a friend who
Karen Kenney:I think is pretty smart, and I'm like, maybe we can figure this
Karen Kenney:out together. And that's the thing, like, where my work comes
Karen Kenney:in. You know, it's like, I kind of like, through my own desire
Karen Kenney:to end my own suffering, and as long as we're human, there's
Karen Kenney:gonna be suffering, right? I mean, we cannot eradicate all
Karen Kenney:suffering, however, we can gather some tools and some
Karen Kenney:perspectives and some resources to help us as we're navigating
Karen Kenney:these things, so we're not suffering as much. And I know
Karen Kenney:for myself along the way. You know, I had some teachers, and I
Karen Kenney:certainly had a shit ton of books that really, really,
Karen Kenney:really helped me, but it was that human connection, the
Karen Kenney:intimacy of another person being with me and talking with me and,
Karen Kenney:you know, helping me to see again, to shift my mind, maybe
Karen Kenney:from a perspective of fear to one of love, you know, to gather
Karen Kenney:different tools. And it's why, you know, when people say to me,
Karen Kenney:like, what do you do? I'm like, Oh my gosh. Like, I do so many
Karen Kenney:things. I've gathered a lot of tools from a lot of different
Karen Kenney:traditions and a lot of different what do we even?
Karen Kenney:Modalities, even, because I wanted I needed help physically,
Karen Kenney:somatically, I needed help spiritually, right? I needed
Karen Kenney:help. You know, in my subconscious, like reprogramming
Karen Kenney:my subconscious, I needed help with practical neuroscience,
Karen Kenney:right, patterns and habits and being able to like interrupt the
Karen Kenney:way that that my brain would like was going down habit road
Karen Kenney:all the time, as my teacher, Melissa tears, says, right. So I
Karen Kenney:wanted to be able to help myself mentally, emotionally,
Karen Kenney:physically and spiritually. And that's where, like all the
Karen Kenney:different things that I, you know, trained in and studied and
Karen Kenney:practiced, and now also teach and share with my clients, my
Karen Kenney:one to one clients who, you know, join me in the quest. And
Karen Kenney:then also my membership people, my beautiful nesties, as I call
Karen Kenney:them, my group coaching program. The nest is passing these things
Karen Kenney:down, and that's the beautiful thing is once you just admit,
Karen Kenney:like, I don't know everything, and I do need help, and let go
Karen Kenney:of the shame, and let go of the story, and let go of this idea
Karen Kenney:that you now, just because you're an adult, you're supposed
Karen Kenney:to know how to do everything. And this is the thing, like this
Karen Kenney:bot, I always say, like as human beings, right? Like moving
Karen Kenney:through the world in this body, with this brain, with our life
Karen Kenney:experiences and stuff, we're operating heavy machinery, and
Karen Kenney:like nobody gave us the manual. So why should we be surprised
Karen Kenney:that we need help, and why should we feel bad about it, or
Karen Kenney:talk down to ourselves or see ourselves as less than it's a
Karen Kenney:really powerful thing to ask for help. And my hope for you, you
Karen Kenney:know, I look at like I look but first of all, my hope for you is
Karen Kenney:that you receive good help when you ask for it, that nobody like
Karen Kenney:you know, makes you feel stupid because of it. Um. That you are
Karen Kenney:met with kindness and openness, and that your curiosity and your
Karen Kenney:desire to change, to transform, to grow, to learn, to better
Karen Kenney:yourself, right? Is met with enthusiasm and encouragement,
Karen Kenney:because otherwise, like you know, if anybody's trying to
Karen Kenney:tear you down or try to make you feel stupid because you need
Karen Kenney:help with something. Here. They can suck it in a bucket. You
Karen Kenney:know what I'm saying? Like them, move on. Find somebody else,
Karen Kenney:because they're not your people. Okay, so I also, you guys know,
Karen Kenney:Marita and I do a lot of daily reading. I have like, a bunch of
Karen Kenney:what you can call them daily devotionals. You can just call
Karen Kenney:them daily books, read books that I read on the daily that
Karen Kenney:are literally, you know, broken down. It'll say, like, June,
Karen Kenney:whatever. June, 14, June, 16, June, whatever. May this,
Karen Kenney:whatever. Okay, so some of you may know who Ryan Holiday is,
Karen Kenney:and Ryan Holiday, I had just read to you about meditations
Karen Kenney:Marcus Aurelius, right? This is like, he's known as one of like,
Karen Kenney:the Stoics and philosophers of stoicism. And so I also read the
Karen Kenney:Daily stoic. And this is 366
Karen Kenney:meditations on wisdom, perseverance in the art of
Karen Kenney:living. And Ryan Holiday, this is his book. He and Steven
Karen Kenney:Hanselman wrote this. But what was awesome is when I was
Karen Kenney:flipping through this and reading this, the reading for
Karen Kenney:Marcus Aurelius, 7.7 which I shared with you earlier, came
Karen Kenney:came up right? Don't be ashamed of needing help. And I also want
Karen Kenney:to share with you something that Ryan said, because it's right in
Karen Kenney:line with what what's been on my hat, and it made me smile the
Karen Kenney:whole time I read it. He says, so he starts with the quote from
Karen Kenney:Marcus Aurelius, right, the stoic quote. And then he says,
Karen Kenney:no one ever said you were born with all the two tools you'd
Karen Kenney:need to solve every problem you'd face in life. In fact, as
Karen Kenney:a newborn, you were practically helpless. Yes, someone helped
Karen Kenney:you then, and you came to understand that you could ask
Karen Kenney:for help. It was how you knew you were loved. Isn't that so
Karen Kenney:nice? And then he goes on to say, well, you are still loved.
Karen Kenney:You can ask anyone for help. You don't have to face everything on
Karen Kenney:your own. If you need help, comrade, just ask. And I love
Karen Kenney:that, right? It's like, and this has been the hot beat, not from
Karen Kenney:this. I mean, this was something I've been talking about long
Karen Kenney:before I read this book. But nobody can do the work for you,
Karen Kenney:right? Whatever the thing is that you need help with, whether
Karen Kenney:it's like, you know, getting out of your own way, or like, you
Karen Kenney:know, trying to, trying to make your way through. You know your
Karen Kenney:lack of self worth, your lack of self love, the struggle that you
Karen Kenney:have, you know, in your relationships within yourself,
Karen Kenney:the spiritual struggles, the mental struggles, the emotional
Karen Kenney:struggle. You know all this stuff you know you don't have to
Karen Kenney:nobody can do that work for you, but you don't have to do it on
Karen Kenney:your own. And having somebody that walks along beside you is a
Karen Kenney:game changer. It's a game changer. It has been true in my
Karen Kenney:life. It has been true in the lives of my clients. It's been
Karen Kenney:true in the lives of people that I know, who I've coached, but
Karen Kenney:also other people and friends who have that I know, who have
Karen Kenney:also had their own coaches, their own mentors, their own
Karen Kenney:teachers, their own help is, you know what I mean. So I guess I
Karen Kenney:just kind of want to normalize this for you, because I think
Karen Kenney:we've been sold a bill of goods, sometimes from our families,
Karen Kenney:sometimes from teachers, right? Sometimes from coaches,
Karen Kenney:sometimes from elders, sometimes from whoever your siblings,
Karen Kenney:whatever your environment, that we're supposed to have it all
Karen Kenney:figured out, and we're somehow stupid because we don't. And
Karen Kenney:look, I'm the person in every lecture, in every class. I'm
Karen Kenney:going to ask, like, a gazillion questions, and I'm going to ask
Karen Kenney:until I understand, because I don't. I no longer feel bad
Karen Kenney:about not knowing things or needing help. And it has been so
Karen Kenney:freeing for me to be able to just raise my hand and be like,
Karen Kenney:Yeah, I don't get it. Or, Hey, can you show me that again? Or
Karen Kenney:that pot one, like, okay, I get Pat one, but like, Pat two, you
Karen Kenney:lost me. Or, can you please help me to understand how to do this?
Karen Kenney:And look, I'm just gonna say this because I see it, I just
Karen Kenney:see it, I just see it. I just see it. I'm grabbing my face. If
Karen Kenney:you're not watching this, you can probably hear it in my
Karen Kenney:voice. Chat, GPT is not your new coach. Chat, GPT is not your new
Karen Kenney:spiritual mentor. It will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever be
Karen Kenney:able to replace the hat and the intimacy of human connection.
Karen Kenney:It's never going to be able to replace somebody being able to
Karen Kenney:look you right in the eye as you tell your story, as you pour out
Karen Kenney:your soul, and as you ask for help, and the other person says,
Karen Kenney:I'm here. I've got you. I've got your back. John. That GTP can
Karen Kenney:give you all kinds of information, but as my beautiful
Karen Kenney:friend Mary Ann C says, information does not heal.
Karen Kenney:Intimacy heals, and we need that hat to hat. We need that face to
Karen Kenney:face. We need that human connection. And even books like
Karen Kenney:books can be great, but let me tell you something. I can read
Karen Kenney:something in a book, and there are people who learn
Karen Kenney:fantastically from just reading, and I know like that's I learn
Karen Kenney:in different ways, as well as, like, reading, but being able to
Karen Kenney:do something alongside somebody, somebody who can really see us
Karen Kenney:and acknowledge our brilliance, but is also not afraid to call
Karen Kenney:us out on our bullshit, and to say, Hey, I'm seeing a pattern
Karen Kenney:here, like, hey, what about this? You know, it's not going
Karen Kenney:to be it's like, humans can't be replaced in that way. You know,
Karen Kenney:chat GPT can't give you a hug. Chat GPT can't, like, hold your
Karen Kenney:hand while you're crying. Do you know what I'm saying? Chat GPT
Karen Kenney:can't see you. It's just so take that for what you will. I don't
Karen Kenney:think that the quality and the caliber of that kind of
Karen Kenney:information is ever going to replace human tenderness and
Karen Kenney:human grace. And you know, having a human mentor or a coach
Karen Kenney:who's gone before and knows kind of where these places are. Yeah,
Karen Kenney:information will only get you so far, I guess, is what I'm trying
Karen Kenney:to say. So if you're somebody who's been a little afraid to
Karen Kenney:ask for help, I hope that this, in some way, is going to give
Karen Kenney:you the courage, maybe a little motivation or inspiration, to
Karen Kenney:say, You know what? I don't have to figure everything out on my
Karen Kenney:own. I'm not expected to know how everything in the world
Karen Kenney:works. You know, there's a reason why all those books, how
Karen Kenney:things work like, exist, because we don't know, you know what I
Karen Kenney:mean, like, You're not expected to know how to change a tie
Karen Kenney:without having ever done one before. You're not expected to
Karen Kenney:know how to like, like, you know, not a tie. If you're a
Karen Kenney:young person who wants to wear, you know, or anybody who wants
Karen Kenney:to wear a tie, like, if nobody taught you how to shave, if
Karen Kenney:nobody taught you, like, you know, how to, you know, operate
Karen Kenney:a lawn mower, or whatever it is, things that might seem really
Karen Kenney:simple and basic to another person if you've never been
Karen Kenney:exposed to it. How should you know how to do it? How should
Karen Kenney:you know how to be in a relationship where there's
Karen Kenney:intimacy and deep emotional, excuse me, conversations and
Karen Kenney:connections, if you've never had it before, if it was never
Karen Kenney:mirrored for you, if it was never if it was never played out
Karen Kenney:in front of you, if you never saw a healthy marriage, how are
Karen Kenney:you supposed to know how to do it? If your parents all they did
Karen Kenney:was scream and yell at each other, how are you supposed to
Karen Kenney:learn maybe it became painful enough, and you decided I'm
Karen Kenney:never going to do that like I'm going to be a person who, like,
Karen Kenney:talks about my feelings rather than screams, you know, or
Karen Kenney:whatever, maybe. But we get so conditioned as young people. We
Karen Kenney:are literally being hypnotized all the time as young people,
Karen Kenney:you know. And it gets in there, it gets in there, and sometimes
Karen Kenney:we need help and support breaking those patterns, and one
Karen Kenney:of those patterns and habits is believing that it's not okay to
Karen Kenney:ask for help. So let's destigmatize this. Let's unchain
Karen Kenney:this, and know that you know you are loved and that you are
Karen Kenney:smart, and there are people who want to help you, and you're not
Karen Kenney:expected to know how to do everything you know, and I try
Karen Kenney:to remind my clients of this all the time. A lot of things were
Karen Kenney:not demonstrated to us and how to do things in a healthy way,
Karen Kenney:or in a way that is in a way that is moving us in the
Karen Kenney:direction of how we actually want to be and how we actually
Karen Kenney:want to feel. You know, we just have, sometimes have an old,
Karen Kenney:rusty set of tools. We need new ones, and that's okay. And there
Karen Kenney:are people out there who want to help you, and there are people
Karen Kenney:out there that you can hire to help you, to walk along beside
Karen Kenney:you, and there's no shame with that too. You know, sometimes we
Karen Kenney:think, Well, I have friends and I have family members. You know
Karen Kenney:that? You know I should be able to ask them, Well, I love you.
Karen Kenney:And sometimes our friends are like, knuckleheads, like,
Karen Kenney:sometimes they are not the ones. A lot of times, your friends are
Karen Kenney:just going to agree with you, and they're going to yes you,
Karen Kenney:and they're going to be like, yeah, you have every right to be
Karen Kenney:mad because he did this and she did the it's like you need
Karen Kenney:people in your life who are going to stop you and say, Hey,
Karen Kenney:but yeah, it sounds like you don't really like whoever taught
Karen Kenney:you how to forgive. Do you know what I'm saying? Some of the who
Karen Kenney:taught you how to really love, who taught you how to express
Karen Kenney:yourself, who taught you how to help your nervous system to feel
Karen Kenney:more safety in the world. This is what I'm saying. There's so
Karen Kenney:much we don't know, and if we can just accept it, and if we
Karen Kenney:can be willing to try something new, and to say to ourselves,
Karen Kenney:there must be a better way, and then to be open and receptive,
Karen Kenney:to ask your in. Teacher right to ask your inner teacher, and then
Karen Kenney:maybe an outer teacher somewhere to go help guide you. It can be
Karen Kenney:life changing. It can be completely transformative. And I
Karen Kenney:know because I'm living proof. So that's all I wanted to say
Karen Kenney:today. Little Love Letter from my hat to yours, because I know
Karen Kenney:what it's like trying to move through the world trying to
Karen Kenney:figure it all out on your own. It's exhausting. It's
Karen Kenney:exhausting. And you know, if you can find somebody where you feel
Karen Kenney:safe enough to kind of put down your deuce, to lower your dukes
Karen Kenney:and to lower that shield and to be vulnerable, it can be
Karen Kenney:absolutely life changing. So I hope again, hope this is helpful
Karen Kenney:in some way, and you can always find out the ways to work with
Karen Kenney:me on my website. Karen kenney.com, I'm never shy about
Karen Kenney:it. That's where to find me. It's easy. You'll see things for
Karen Kenney:the nest and the quest and yoga and even how to use my tip, ja,
Karen Kenney:how to join my email list so that you find out shenanigans
Karen Kenney:and what's going on. I have some cool events actually, that I'm
Karen Kenney:going to be doing in the next few months. So if you want to
Karen Kenney:find out what those are like, get on my newsletter. Just Karen
Karen Kenney:kenney.com/sign,
Karen Kenney:up. Alright, you guys. Thank you so much for tuning in. Wherever
Karen Kenney:you go, may you leave the animals and the people and the
Karen Kenney:place in the environment, the planet in yourself better than
Karen Kenney:how you first found it. Wherever you go, may you and your love
Karen Kenney:and your presence and your energy and your willingness to
Karen Kenney:ask for help be a blessing. Let me also say this because it just
Karen Kenney:came to my head, and when spiritual team s, t, o, t, J,
Karen Kenney:they hit me thing. Sometimes when we think we're being a
Karen Kenney:burden to somebody else, right? If we don't ask for help, we are
Karen Kenney:robbing the other person of an opportunity to also be your
Karen Kenney:friend, to also be helpful. It feels really nice when you're
Karen Kenney:able to help another person, and if we never ask for help, and if
Karen Kenney:we insist on doing everything on our own, and if we don't allow
Karen Kenney:other people to help us, we sometimes Rob other people of
Karen Kenney:being able to also have that really satisfactory feeling of
Karen Kenney:knowing that they did a kind thing or that they you know What
Karen Kenney:I'm saying. So okay, just had to say that before I go. Okay, bye.
Karen Kenney:Have a great rest of your night, your day, your week. Okay, much
Karen Kenney:love you.
