Be A Verb

Karen Kenney: 00:00:01

Hey, you guys, welcome to the Karen Kenny show. I'm super duper excited to be here with you today. And obviously, if you can hear the sound of my voice, you're listening. So thank you so much for taking time out of your day to spend a little time with me, I really appreciate it and, you know, a conversation that's been kind of happening between myself and a couple of friends and just shit that I'm seeing online, you guys more and more people are losing access to their social media platforms. And whether that's because they get hacked, or somebody's wrongfully, you know, accuses them of doing you know, selling sexual, whatever stuff but because, you know, the the, the trolls out there are in full force right now. So I'm bringing this up, because a lot of people are losing their ability to stay connected to their people in their community. And so one of the best ways I've been thinking about this, one of the best ways to ensure that you and I can stay in touch, like everything from letting you know when a new podcast has come out when I make cool offers, because I'm going to be doing some really interesting stuff in 2024. And also towards the end of this year, like with my group coaching program, with my retreat, with storytime, hypnosis, all these different things. And the best way for us to stay connected is through my email list. So I'm just gonna keep putting it out there to invite you to come into, you know, this sneak in Sneak in join the little email list so that you know what's shakin what's going on. And people my email lists are the first to find out when I have cool shenanigans afoot. So you can just do that by going to Karen kenny.com/sign up, because I want to make sure that we're able to stay in touch, and continue to get to know each other a little bit better. All right, so moving on, I think I'm going to keep this episode wicked short. And I'm going to call it be a verb, be a verb, what I mean, what do you what do you mean by that? Okay? Be a verb. This inspiration came from a joke. The illustration for this show came from a conversation that I was having. It came from a joke, and then it came from something else I had started to write, like, trying to be funny, because I make myself laugh. So, I will share I will share with you how these three things to come together to make this episode be a verb. So one of the things that I know for sure, is a lot of times when I'm working with people, or just just people be peopling right just being a human myself, knowing other people and coaching and mentoring people and then knowing a lot of other coaches is something that I've noticed more and more and more, because I'm been looking for it I'm trained to look for these things is this is it so many people want to be a thing, they want to be a noun, right? Like they want to have the name and the title, like they want to be like, they want to be called like the boss or a coach or a spiritual thought leader or they want to be the noun, right? Without having to actually do the work. The action piece, the verb piece, so people are often really in a rush to be the noun, but they're not always so willing to be a verb first, and take some action and do some shit and get stuff done. Right? So I often will say, Oh, well, somebody will say to me, you know, especially there are clients, right? And I'm very transparent with my clients. I always say, I'm very loving towards my clients, and sometimes I'm loving but firm, which means I just say, okay, so this is what I'm hearing, like, I'm gonna repeat back to you like what I'm hearing and you can tell me what you're hearing, okay? And we often have a little laugh about it, because what people will say is, like, I want more peace, right? I want more inner peace. I want to be happier. I want to be more loving towards myself, my children, my partner, right? I want to be more fill in the blank, fill in the blank across the board. People will say I want to be this thing. And I'll say, well, that's really interesting that you keep saying you want to be this thing, but you're not doing the shit you need to do to experience that result, or that outcome. You're not taking, right you're not using the tools or the practices or the insights or the resources. Right. So at some point, we have to realize like, Oh, I'm kind of more attached to that, like in the distance outcome. Like I just want to kind of hopscotch right like, I just want to like jump over the thing without having to actually do the work that would ultimately like Get me the thing or helped me to be the thing to embody thing right? So they want all the now Nina nouns, but they don't want to be the verb be verbs. And that's how we're actually going to get them. So I often call this syndrome to all talk, no action. Look at Come on, just just hit pause for a minute, well listen to the question, then hit pause for a moment, we can all I think, I think if we're all willing to be honest, if we're all willing to be honest with ourselves, we can all think of a time, when we have been all talk, no action, when we have just kept saying you're gonna do something kept talking about, it could be anything, it could be taking the trash out, it could be writing the book, it could be going on vacation, it could be committing to your relationship, it could be going to the gym, it could be like leaving a relationship, it could, whatever that whatever the thing, it could be something so small, right to something really big. And we'll just talk about it and talk about it and talk about it. But nothing happens. Nothing changes, there is no action. And I was talking to a client today who was also a coach themselves. And I said to them, no, it's really interesting that you keep telling me that this is what you want. And yet you're if I were to look at your actions, and we had a good laugh about it, because if I was to look at your follow through, and I was to take a peek see a little look see at if there's an incongruence between what you're saying and what you're actually willing to do. Now, there's 1000 reasons why sometimes, right? A lot of times it comes down to conditioning, it comes down to habits, it comes down to identity, it comes down to patterns, it comes down to all these things, right? I think I already said conditioning. And it's like, and I've talked about this 1000 times too, about how the brain loves, right? The nervous system is always seeking safety. And we often seek what is familiar. So even though we say we want to change something, even though we say we want to do something, or become something or whatever, right? There's a part of us that's really afraid of the unknown. And also to how do I say this, sometimes to take an action, especially if it's an action of doing something new, meaning letting something go, and whether that's a habit, or a place or a person or a program or whatever, right? There can be this this? How do I say it, there's like a little bit of grief, there's a small death that it has to happen, right, we have to let go of what was to step into what can be. And so it's easier to just talk about it to daydream about it, to plan it. Right, but to never actually do something about it. And I've talked to a lot of people. And when you when you look at the biggest Regrets of the Dying, they say, you know, I never actually took action, like on my dreams on these things, right to detail the people I loved. I love them, right? There's so many regrets of people who were more interested in talking about it, instead of actually doing something about it. So all talk, no action, and I'm gonna come back to that. But here's the here's the funny little joke. That kind of, you know, made me decide that I wanted to do this podcast today. So it's really short. So you may have heard it before. It's a great, so here it is. Three monkeys are playing in a tree above a river stream, and they decide to jump in. How many are still in the tree? Alright, I'm gonna do the setup again. So there's three monkeys, they're playing in a tree above a river stream, and they decide to jump in. How many monkeys are still in the tree? And the answer is three, because all they did was make a decision. All they did was talking about it. They didn't act on it. I thought, oh my god, yes, this happens so often. And it was really funny because it reminded me of a conversation that I also had another time with with a with a client who eventually you know, became a friend and stuff like that. And, you know, it was more about like, let me set it up like this. When we are left to our own devices, meaning now sometimes sometimes, how do I say this without giving away the punchline? Okay. So let's say that you keep saying you want to do something, right? I see this all the time. But forget the client. Like this is just a conglomerate of people. Let me put it this way. This is a this is just people the people in okay. So people will say

Karen Kenney: 00:09:49

this is what like the Yeah, but syndrome, there'll be like, yeah, I really want to do this thing, but I can't because then fill in the blank. My sweetie my partner, my kids, my mother In law, like it's always external circumstances, other people, other people, other people, Oh, I really want to go back to school and get my degree, oh, I really want to take that night class, oh, I really want to sign up for that 5k Like, whatever the fucking thing is, right? And there will always be a reason why they can't do it. And what's so fascinating is, when that obstacle, that external thing, you could give them a solution to it, right? You give them a solution to how maybe they can work that out, like get a babysitter, or have a conversation, or bla bla, bla, bla, bla, save your money, right? Don't go to dunks for like, you know, three weeks, save that money. That's your entry fee into that race, whatever it is, they'll go, Yeah, but and I'm like, it often will show you that they really don't want to do the thing they're talking about, they just want to talk about it. Because Talk is cheap. Talk is cheap, because it's easier to talk about a thing than to actually get some skin in the game to actually have to invest in whether it's investing time, energy, creativity, money, whatever it is. TOC is friggin cheap, because it's cheaper and easier to just run your mouth than to run your legs and get your ass in gear. You know what I'm saying? It's talk is so cheap. So, you know, I knew somebody once who was like, Yeah, you know, they had roommates. And they always used to bitch and moan about like, how dirty like, oh, yeah, the place is always a mess. Because these do put the dishes away, like bla bla bla bla bla, bla bla, right? And then they had this realization, like, oh, well, now that everybody's moved out, and it's just gonna be me. I'm like, you get to see how foolish shit you actually, you get to see that it's really not everybody else who's creating the problem? Who's creating the stress? Who's not taking the action? Who's getting in your way? Right? So it's easier to talk about things than it is to actually take some action and to do some stuff about it. And sometimes we have to realize that the person that we've been, like, we talk and we think like, oh, you know what we say, oh, you know, and we see this in marriages, right? A lot. We see this in relationships, where it's in sometimes, sometimes it's like, I've been asking you to do this thing 1000 times and you said you're gonna do it and you're still not doing it. Right. And we see this with chores. We see this with parents and children where the kids just like yeah, I'm going to do it I'm going to do it I'm going to do it I'm going to do it I'm going to do it and then they never take action and then their parents like snap and lose their shit. And everybody everybody feels bad. But what if we just actually right? Did the thing so all talk no action like if you were if you were to like actually look that up? This is what it saying you're going to do something and then not doing it. It means having no follow through. It means having no follow through. And it says And Carl Jung Carl Jung used to say that you are what you do. Not what you say you'll do. Listen to that sucker again. You are what you do. Not what you'll say you'll do you ever see somebody who like this is why I always say like badass is never really call themselves badass is write tough guys. Tough guys never call themselves like true badass is and true, what I would call tough guys never have to announce it. They don't have to let you know. They don't have to talk about it, their actions, who they are and how they be. Excuse me, I had take a sip. I know it's bad grammar, on purpose. who they are and how they be speaks for themselves, who they are being does all the talking. They are the actual thing. They are the noun. Right? And when they take action and they be the verb. When they be a verb, it speaks for itself. And I saw this really funny thing one time and it said talk minus action equals shit. I just love that. I just love that. Okay, so why am I bringing this up? Because I think that this is an opportunity for us to not be like the Three little monkeys up in the tree. So if you have a dream that you've been dreaming about, if you have an idea that you've been wanting to bring to life, if you've had something that you've wanted to write, or sing, or paint or dance or create or whatever the thing is, if there's a trip that you've always wanted to take if there's a course you always want to do, if there's a mentor or a coach you've always wanted to work with and, you know, maybe you'd have to save some of your pennies or whatever the thing is. What are you actually doing? How are you verbing so that you can actually have it come to fruition? When are you going to stop talking about it and actually do something about it. So this is an invitation, not in a judgmental way, not in a Blamey way, not in wagging my finger like Sister, you know, sister, Mary, Katherine Margaret, you know, I'm not I'm not here to to make anybody feel bad. This is for us to ask ourselves. What's the thing that I've been saying I want to do, what's the thing I've been saying that I dream of doing? What's the thing that I say I've been intending to do? What's the thing that I've been like fantasizing about? Or what you know, what is the thing that is in your heart? Where are you feeling called or really curious, or you're like, I've been wanting to do this thing. And it's just been, you've been talking about it and talking, you know, like, when you hear those tragic stories about the people who always wanted to go to Paris, or always wanting to go to Italy, or always wanting to go to, you know, go back to their, to their origin, you know, go back to like Ireland, or wherever they're from right. And they never go. And then they die, or they get sick or something happens. And they never get to take that trip. They never get to make those memories or have that experience. And so while we're still in a place, maybe now I get it, I get it some dreams and whatever, like to bank roll some things, right? It might not be within your means. But what is it like some little tiny actions, like what is the next tiniest, smallest step you can take towards your goal? Because here's something that I that I know to be true. When you keep talking about something, it's like, think about the you know, the little boy who cried wolf. You do that to yourself. Most importantly, yes. If you keep saying you're going to do something insane, you're going to do something, say you're going to do something, or you're going to do something at some point, other people are going to get so sick of you, they're gonna get so sick of you being full of shit. And they're gonna be like, Yeah, you're all talk and no action. Right? We hear this complaint a lot of times about big corporations or politicians or whatever. Oh, everybody says they give a shit. Everybody says they care. Don't get me started on on how I could talk about this in agriculture and animals and veganism. Right? Everybody? Oh, yeah. Everybody cares about the environment and the animals. Yeah, I see how much you care by what's on your plate and what kind of choices you're making, right? So we all like it. And we all do it in our own ways, right? So but if you keep saying you're going to do something, especially in your closest, most intimate relationships, and friendships, or with your clients, or your customers or whatever, in your business, if you keep talking a game, you keep running a racket, and you don't follow through, people will no longer like you, they won't trust you. And they'll feel like they don't know you because you basically sandbag them.

Karen Kenney: 00:18:13

And you know, what's kind of sometimes the most tragic out of that is that you do it to yourself,

Karen Kenney: 00:18:19

when you keep running your mouth, without any follow through. When you keep talking your talk without walking your walk, you know, who stops trusting you the most, you. So many people lack self worth, self trust, self esteem. Because they don't stay in self integrity. They don't keep their word to themselves. And we keep our word to ourselves by following through. By having what you say that you're going to do actually be what you're gonna do. And it's one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself, is to keep your word to yourself, because that's how you start to build self trust. That's how you start to say, Oh, when I give my word, it means something. My reputation, my name, it means something. I do my best to follow through and yeah, you know what, sometimes there are acts of God, there are acts of nature, right? Some things we can't, you know, you said you were gonna be there, you get a flat tire, blah, blah, blah, there. Things happen sometimes. But if you're finding that you're full of shit most of the time, then we have an out of alignment problem. Something is not in alignment. So this is an invitation to just kind of check in with ourselves and say, Hey, have I been more focused on being the now own, right? Yep, in my mouth or you know, and I love daydreaming, I'm like, oh my god dream your big dreams. Yeah, talk about it. And then do even if it's the tiniest, littlest next step, but do something to let yourself and the universe know that you're serious. If you're gonna, like, people, like, you can't just speak it into life, right? Yes, that's part of it. And then, and then you gotta take what do I always say this, I always say, like, if you want God, if you don't like that word, say, universe, your divine help is your spiritual team, like whatever. But if you want God to guide your steps, you better be willing to move your feet. It's not enough to just pray and ask for stuff. And I'm doing air quotes manifest things, right? It's like, you got to play a proactive role in it. And this is how dreams start to come true. We start to take ourselves seriously. So our word, it means something. So you can become a little more magnetic because you're a person who actually does what they say they're going to do. That's how people come to trust you. It's one of the ways it's one of the ways, okay, so we don't want to be like a little monkey up in a tree, just making decisions, but not following through because Talk is cheap. And the one who usually gets most swindled, right is yourself. Because you know how many times you said, you're gonna get your ass out of bed and do something, and you didn't do it. You know how many times you promised your kids or whoever or whatever, then you would show up for the game that you would be at their dance recital, that you would be present and get off your fucking phone and pay attention, or whatever the thing is. You know, when you are not keeping your word, and you're just talking and talking and talking, but you're not backing that shit up. And nobody wants. It's like, it's like, you're pre setting yourself up for regret and shame and blame and guilt who wants that? And it's also I'm talking about this passionately, because if something matters to you so much that you talk about it all the time.

Karen Kenney: 00:22:34

Why not? Like, why not support that dream? Like, why not bring it to life? By taking, like I said, even this next smallest action