You’ve Gotta' Want It

Karen Kenney: 00:00:01

Hey you guys, welcome to the Karen Kenny show. I'm wicked excited to be here with you today. And if you are a regular, loyal listener, thank you so much for being here for coming back. I love that you're here. And if you are new to this podcast, if somebody sent you a link, if somebody referred you if somebody recommended the show, if they were like, check this shit out. However, however you got here, I'm just working happy that you're here. So welcome, welcome, welcome. And you guys, I've been trying to get better at this. So just right up front. If you did the show, if you love the show, if you are like interested in finding out more about how I work, what kind of work I do, when I'm having events, when I'm having retreats when I'm on other podcasts when I'm up to shenanigans, just please come and join me on my email list. And you can just sign up at Karen kenney.com/sign up, and then you'll be the first to know all all kinds of fun and interesting stuff. So thank you for that. And I hope some of you come and join my email family. All right, you guys, let's just dive right into this sucker. I think this is Episode 231, which is pretty incredible. When I think I've done 231 consistent, weekly episodes, I'm pretty proud of myself. So I'm gonna call this sucker. You've gotta want it. You gotta want it is what we're calling this, you gotta want it. Okay, what am I talking about? I'm gonna come at this from two points of view. But we're gonna start with this most personal one, which is the you pot, right? You've got to want it for yourself. Now, I the the impetus of this, the inspiration for this episode has to do with a client that I've been working with, and an incredible testimony that they shared recently, right, they wrote me a testimonial. It's their testimony of our work together. And it was so incredible and so impactful and made me cry. It just like knocked me on my ass in the best way. When I read Jordans story of his his POV of what it's been like to work with me. So he wrote me this testimonial. I shared it in my email newsletter, I posted it on social media. And the response of just has just been like, really, really fantastic. So I'm going to come back to this and talk about this a little bit more from two points of view. But right now I want to stay in the you've, you've got to want it and how it applies. So excuse me, what I will say is that this testimonial, because it was so impactful, and it was so vulnerable. And it was so powerful. And really brave and really transparent that it was it was such an incredible thing, that it got people reaching out to me, and like asking me questions, okay, and that's going to be part two of this episode. But the first part is this when I was reading Jordans testimonial, and thinking about where he started months ago, to where he is now and all the things that he's had to overcome the amount of trauma he's had in his life, the amount of things right. And his his story is so impactful that I'm gonna have him come on the show. He's already been on the show before but in a totally different capacity. And I'm gonna have him come back on the show, because it has been I've been getting such incredible feedback. And I really, really want to dive more deeply into his story, his success, his transformation, in doing this work together with me in a really unconventional way, which is really so powerful. I can't wait, I can't wait for the episode. My brain just traveled a little did a citizen a little time traveling went to the future for a moment. And I'm back. I really can't wait to talk about it. But when I got to thinking about like, so why did Jordan have such incredible results? Like, what what makes his results may be slightly different from other people I've worked with. So by and large, I've never had anybody write me like a shitty testimonial, right? I've never had somebody come back and say, like, hey, you know, this was awful or this didn't work or I didn't like this or like whatever. One of the things and that's not to say that I'm perfect right? That's not That's not my point. But when I just have to look at you know, I think about like Tom Brady right. I think about Tom Brady, right played for the New England Patriots. Most people on the planet know who he is quarterback right. And he used to go back and watch the game reels right? He would watch tapes of the games of what happened and he was like breaking things down about what was working over here. What didn't work than that it up. So when I kind of go back and I look at certain class As over over, you know, years. And I'm like, okay, so why did somebody maybe have more? More? I don't want to say fast acting? Well, let's just say, Yeah, fat shifts that happened in a quick way, right shifts, shifts in perception, shifts in their mind shifts in their, their mindset, physically feeling better, emotionally feeling better, right. So when I work with people, you know, there's four planes that are being affected. There's the physical, right, the Cymatics, that I might do some Cymatics work with anti anti anxiety stuff, and pattern, interrupts, yoga, breath, work, stuff like that, right? Different tools to interrupt brain patterns, right to create better habits, better ways of being more empowering, right. So this physical, there's a mental aspect to this work, there's an emotional aspect to this work. And there's a spiritual aspect to this work. So people change on multiple levels, and in a variety of ways. And so when I look back, and I think like, who were the people that had incredible results, and what it comes down to is simply this, they wanted it, they wanted it. And the reality of it is, is we will transform, okay, we will change, we will grow to the degree that we want it. That's really the secret we will grow to the degree that we want to grow, we will change to the degree that we want to change, and even more so to the degree that we are willing, willing to change. And this is the difference often to any coach, any coach, right. And whether that's you're a fitness coach, you're a coach, you coach, you're a life coach, or a spiritual mentor, you're a business coach, whatever. This is what we know to be true. The clients who have great success are people who are in it, they are taking their investment of their time, their money, their energy, their spirit, seriously. They're taking your time as a coach, seriously, they are taking the fact that they've got this one life, and only a certain amount of time to be alive. And no time is guarantee seriously, and seriously doesn't mean that you don't have fun, because trust me, there are some tears when I am working with people, right there is there is some growing pains, there is some discomfort, but we fucking laugh a lot. We laugh a lot, because humor is one of my core values. Like, I use humor a lot when I'm teaching. Also, you know, humor is a pattern interrupt, laughing is a bomb, it is a healing bomb, right. So I don't use humor, like just to like to deflect, but it is a great way to connect with people to kind of create, to lighten, to have levity right to lighten. Because, again, this being human is fucking hard. And sometimes we just need a good laugh. But here's my whole point, we have to have a deep, deep

Karen Kenney: 00:08:14

desire to know ourselves and to be in proactive, participate participation, have our own healing, and to be in participation with love, we have to be in love with what becomes possible, we have to want it, you gotta want it, you can't really do this work half hours. Now, it doesn't mean that you can't do it in chunks, it doesn't mean that you can't dive deep. And then pause. And then kind of you know, gather your wits, as I like to say, and take some time to reflect into it integrate and to implement and to embody it I have clients who work with me, and then go away for a few months and then come back or go away for a year and then come back and work with me in different capacities and whether that's they start off by listening to the podcast, and then maybe they get my little like, I don't know $27 Connect with your spiritual team, right? And then maybe they're like, Oh, she's doing a whatever, a workshop somewhere and they go to that and then they're like, Oh, I'm gonna go to like the four day retreat in November great. And then usually people will build up right and say, and now it's a group coaching program. Some people in fact, I had somebody reach out to me the other day, and after talking with them, it's like self admittedly, they're like I'm not ready yet. For like that one to one. Because one to one work with me is intensive, and it is intense and it is intimate. Right. And so sometimes people are a little afraid of that and whether or not they're afraid of the price tag whether they're afraid of the the Um, the commitment to change or like, whatever the thing is, this is not a judgment on anybody, everybody gets to decide for themselves when they're ready. But you're gonna get the best bang for your buck, and you're gonna get the best results and the greatest change and stuff. When you are all in, when you take it seriously, that when it's time to do the work, we do the work. And then when it's time to kind of rest and receive, you know, that's what you do. But you can't do this work half ass, you can't, you know, you know that old saying like, what do they say like, you know, I don't want to use that as an example. Nevermind, and hashtag, nevermind, sometimes the things that pop into my head are not the things that like the first things that pop into my head are like, you know, Vicki with two kids from Lawrence thoughts, like, man, we're gonna just move the mic for a second. Okay. So this is what I'm trying to say. We will grow and change and transform to the degree that we want to. So it has to be on some level, some part of you, that says I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of sitting in my shitty diaper. I'm sick of sitting in my patterns, I'm sick of sitting in my habits. I'm sick of being trapped by my, my old belief systems. I'm tired of the old stories I've been telling myself and whether you call them limiting beliefs, I'm tired of identifying with, you know, the things that happened to me, right? I want to take those things. And I want to be able to, you know, shift my perception of myself. And it's, you know, because we can't change what happened. But what we can do is shift and change how we're relating to what happened. To me, there is no greater work that we're doing on the planet, than learning how to know ourselves to understand why we do what we do think what we think believe what we believe behave, how we behave, so that we can adjust as needed. Right? This isn't about like, you know, this kind of this backlash I've seen lately, where people are like, you know, I don't need to be the best self, myself as I am is. Yes. And yes. And all parts of you are welcome here. You are lovable just as you are, right? So this whole thing of this backlash about like, I don't have to be my highest self or I don't have to be my best self. It's like, why not? Why not? It doesn't mean you're always going to show up as your best self. And it doesn't mean that you are unlovable when you don't show up as your best self. But why wouldn't we want to show up in in create from that divine spark within us? That moves us beyond our animalistic tendencies in nature? To just survive and compete? Why wouldn't we want to shift into really knowing ourselves and our truest level of potentiality of what's possible? When we stop identifying is just a body, and we start remembering who we are as spirit. What becomes possible? And that's the question, right? When it's like, Okay, I've got a want, this is what I say to people I there have been times, right, because my clients know that my clients know I say, All right, you ready, and some people bristle at this concept of tough love. I'm like, but what you're forgetting is that it's love. The things that I say are all coming from a place of love. And I'm not mean, sometimes I am direct, right? I like to speak plainly. If you've listened to this podcast, you know, I don't get too fancy. I like to communicate at the level at which we both fucking understand each other. You know what I'm saying? So sometimes I'll be like, hey, a little bit of tough love. I can't want this more than you do. I cannot want your happiness. I cannot want your, your health. I cannot want your wholeness. I cannot want your well being I cannot. Like you've got to want this. I'm not here to drag you around toward your own healing and happiness towards your own inner peace. Right? That doesn't work. Anybody who has ever known somebody trying to get sober and we're gonna go there in a second. You know, that doesn't work. I can't want it for you more than you want it. That's not how people get well. While a person has to be invested in their own outcome, they have to be proactive in their own healing, there's got to be a desire there. So you as a person who is trying to change, and especially if you're going to invest in working with a professional or an expert, or a coach or a mentor or whatever, like, don't waste your time and your money, you got to take yourself, seriously. And what I mean by that is, is if you can just tap into some part of you, that does believe that you are worthy, that does believe that you matter that does believe that you have purpose that does believe that you've got something to say and something to do while you are here, that is so important. If you even just get a little sniff of it, right, if you get a if there's some curiosity that pulls you towards a particular coach, or mentor, or a book or a resource, or whatever it is, like, follow it, trust that impulse, trust that impulse towards love, trust it, follow it. And as you start to work with somebody like me, that muscle will grow, that spiritual muscle will grow that self love muscle will grow that self worth and self esteem and self trust and self integrity, muscle will grow. But it's got to start with a seed that is blossoming within your own hat. Right? It's got to start with a spark in your own soul within you. A coach can water it, blast it with little sunshine, like you know, does that great that great? I know it's in I know it is in a Jewish faith book somewhere. Now some people say the Talmud, but I think it was written somewhere else first. And I'm simplifying it right. But the phrase is like, over every blade of grass, there is an angel leaning over it whispering grow. over every blade of grass, there is an angel bent over it and whispering grow. Now, as a spiritual mentor, as an integrative change worker, as a coach, as all the things a yoga t all the things that I'm bringing right to my work, I can be watering you and nourishing you and nurturing you and cheering you on. I can be whispering over you grow. But man, does change actually happen. Because some part of you is inside of you. Whispering grow, longing for the growth, desiring the growth, wanting the growth, you've gotta want it first. And get a want it for yourself.

Karen Kenney: 00:17:56

And sometimes it can get it can be hard to get in touch with that pack. And some great questions to ask yourself is why? Why is it worth it? To invest my time, my energy, my mental capacity, my emotions and my money into working with a coach or an expert or a therapist, like whatever it whatever you decide to do to better yourself to invest in books or workshops or seminars or whatever it is, right? We have to ask ourselves, why do I want to do this? Number one, right? Like what's in it for me? And one of the ways you can ask yourself is what becomes possible. If I'm actually successful at this, what becomes possible, when I stopped being so anxious, what becomes possible when I stopped doing these habits that keep fucking me up and getting me in the way? What becomes possible when I stopped seeing myself right as XY and Z not capable to not smart enough, you know, not worthy, right? What becomes possible when I start to, to heal my trauma and realize that it's okay for me to have needs that it's that I matter that I'm here to create something I'm here to participate in the flow of life. Like I've got an individual curriculum, I've got a divine assignment. I'm here to do something to write and what is it going to cost you? Right, like really? What What will it cost you to not change? To not do maybe the uncomfortable thing. As my friend Emeline I was talking with my friends, Emmeline and Katie, we were talking about like, how much longer do you want to keep kicking that can down the road? How much longer do you want to just keep doing the same old same old, being stuck in the same pattern in the same routine and the same bullshit in the same relationship and the same misery And I'm not saying hey, maybe you're in an incredible relationship, that's awesome. But where are the places in your life where you do feel stuck, where you do feel sick and tired of being sick and tired, where you feel sabotage where you feel separate where you feel scared? Right? So this is when I'm saying, you've got to want something different, you've got a want that thing that becomes possible, like, What do you dream of? What is your heart call you towards what lights you up? What kind of life do you want to live. But you've got to want it, your coach can't want it more for you, your parent can't want it more for you, your partner can't want it for your cousin can't want it. Like, you've got to want it. That's how we get our ass in gear. That's how we start saving our pennies for the trip or the retreat or the class or whatever the guitar you want to buy. So you can finally learn how to play whatever the thing is. There's gotta be a little Ember, there's got to be a little ember that you can blow on that you can like pan fan that flame. So that Sukkot goes goes a little more wild, you know what I'm saying? So it burns a little brighter. Get a little heat, right? Like, like light a little fire your own ash, you know what I'm saying? Oh, my God, okay. Now, let's go to part two of this. So this was, you've gotta want it. Now let's shift to, they've gotta want it. Okay. We all know the saying you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make that sucker drink. Okay, so when I post a testimonial or a story, like I did of Jordans the other day, it's very common that people start to kind of come out of the woodworks. And people will reach out to me and say all kinds of things, some really supportive and beautiful and empowering. And a lot of times people will reach out to me. And they'll either recognize something in the story or the testimonial that I just shared of a client success. And they'll recognize somebody in their life. Right within that story. And whether it's, they have the same symptoms, or they had the same before picture, right? You know, like a before and after. That's really what a testimonial it is. A testimony is saying, Hey, before I work with this person, this is what I was struggling with. This was my situation, this is what I was thinking and feeling and blah, blah, blah. And after I work together, this is now what I'm experiencing. This is now how I'm showing up. This is now how I'm thinking these are the tools that I now have, right? So a lot of times people will hear that before piece, and they recognize somebody in their life similarly suffering. And so they'll reach out to me and they'll say, Hey, I've got a friend, or hey, my cousin or hey, my partner or Hey, one of my kids, my son, my daughter, whatever it is, they're struggling with X, Y and Z. You know, can I give them your information? Can I have them reach out to you? Do you think you can help them got it out it out? Whatever it is, right. And of course, it is always I take I take referrals and recommendations and that kind of stuff really seriously, like it is one of the greatest compliments you can receive as a practitioner of the work that I do that somebody who knows you would be willing to, or at least point somebody, I'm not saying they pay for it, but at least point somebody in the right direction towards you. Because they're saying they trust you. And they think that you could be helpful, right? The know, like trust factor is there. And that is that is a huge compliment. And it's an honor, right? I appreciate that. And I always say thank you so much for thinking of me. And then I have to go on to explain like, hey, but here's the thing, hashtag nada therapists, right? I don't work in the traditional and conventional way. And also I don't do one off sessions. And also this is an investment because I work in programs, three months, four months, right? One to one group, whatever the situation is. And it's not covered by insurance because again, hashtag not a therapist. So people have to be willing. Right? First and foremost, again, let's circle back to this to make an investment of time. Right energy, their emotions, their mental capacity and their finances. Can they afford to invest right in in this kind of work this kind of program? It is intensive, it's different, right? It's it's not the typical mental health care or whatever approach again, not a therapist. I'm a spiritual mentor. I'm a hypnotist. I'm an integrative change worker. I'm a life coach. I'm a yoga teacher. Right now. So, first I explained that and then here's the big piece, I always have to say to them, Look, I get it, it's really hard, right? It's hard to see people you love suffer, I'm sorry to hear that so and so is experiencing such and such. But here's the thing, they've got to want to change. They've got to want to do this work, if they're attached to their stories, if they're attached to their limitations, real or perceived, right? If they're, if they're stuck in their old identity, if they're not ready to do this kind of work, they're not even interested in doing this work. And it's a lot of times why I will talk to somebody, you know, if especially if, I mean, if I've known you, like, have you been a yoga student of mine for a long time, or we've worked together in some capacity, you know, and you reach out and you're like, Hey, I'm ready to do your, you know, the alchemy program. So my group coaching program that's starting in September, which if you're interested in, go to Karen kenny.com/alchemy, check that sucker out. It's a four month program, group, small, intimate 12 People already get a few people signed up, I'm really excited about it. Okay. But so I'll say to them, you know, I appreciate that you're recognizing and witnessing somebody struggle, and that you don't want them to have to keep going through this, you don't want them to be so scared or anxious or stressed out or fill in the blank, right? Drinking too much, or blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right, however they're inflicting, sometimes, you know, suffering on themselves, or going through a thing, you know, grief, whatever it is, whatever it is. And I'll say to them, it's beautiful that you want to help them, but they've got to want it. You know, when you think about like, in, in the sober community or in the recovery community, right, when you have family interventions, I always find it so fascinating. Now, because it applies to like what I'm saying right now, like somebody, he is Jordan story, they write to me, and they're like, So and so on, my life is suffering. It'd be one thing if they're writing to me, and they're saying, Hey, I read that I resonated with it, can we work together, I'm ready to do this work, I want to do this work. That's a different conversation, than Hey, so and so that I know is suffering, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, well, but you're reaching out to me, they may not even be aware that they're suffering, they may not even be aware that there's a different way they may not want to change.

Karen Kenney: 00:27:39

So yeah, like, here's some parameters. I'm going to tell you a little bit about the price the investment the time like all you know, I lay out some of the elements. So people know what what the deal is. I don't like to blindside anybody, this is what's happened, this is what the program is. And if they want to do that, they can reach out to me. But I again, it comes from that place of love where they want to be helpful, but shit isn't gonna happen. Just because you want somebody to get sober just because you want somebody to change just because you want somebody to transform. And sometimes, now let's let's go under the under and be a little bit honest. Okay. I mean, I'm always trying to be honest. But let's get under the motivation. Now, I'm not talking about anybody in particular, I want to be very clear. I'm not saying anybody who reached out to me after the Jordan thing that I'm talking about you I'm saying human humans people be peopling right this is just people be peopling sometimes people want those other people to change and transform and stop doing whatever they're doing. Because it makes your life easier. Because you don't want to have to be thinking about them or worrying about them paying for them cleaning up their messes, whatever. Yes, of course, you also love them. But you can't handle the discomfort in your own nervous system. This is how we end up with enablers. It's because when you know you don't have those internal stabilizers in place to be able to say, this is this person's decision. They want to live like this, right? But what happens a lot is when you're outside of it, and you can see the shitshow unraveling. And we kind of want to swoop in and save each other and save people and it's a beautiful impulse. I get it. But how many interventions family interventions have gone wrong? Because that person doesn't think they have a problem. Don't want you up in their business at seeking sobriety or fill in the blank. Whatever the thing might be, why, why why the family is gathering around to speak up. They might not see it the way you see it and they may not want to do anything about it. They don't want to go to rehab. They don't want to stop for Fill in the blank. They've gotta want it. And when I've worked with people who have, again, great results, good results, but I know could have had amazing results. It's because, well, there's a lot of reasons why it could be. They're not actually a lot of times we convince ourselves that we're ready to do the work and we want to change and we want, right like we love to, to say again, my last week's last week's podcast episode, be a verb, right? Talk is cheap, talk is cheap. A lot of times, we want to be ready to actually do the thing and change the thing and have to rearrange and stuff in our subconscious and in our lives and our intention and how we're showing up in our habits. And we say we want it, but we don't really want it or we're not quite ready for it yet. You know what I mean? So, with all of good intentions, Pat one, you've got to want it. Other people can't drag you toward your own salvation, right, you've got to pay the consequences of being yourself, like, you've got to want to steer the ship in a new direction. And the good news is, is that there's plenty of resources and plenty of help out there. But the first thing has to be your own desire. And then for those of you that want to help others, you know, make change or get soba or stop, fill in the blank stop harming themselves or hurting themselves, or making choices that you know, that keep you up at night. They've got a won it first. Is hard is that is to accept sometimes, because it can be really painful, right? To see somebody you care about to see somebody that you love, be destructive, to be self destructive, to be self harming to be making choices that you know, and especially when you're older, and they're younger, and you have a little more life's experience, and you ever just watched something, right? Who here has ever watched somebody you love and they don't always have to be younger than you sometimes they're older than you like, whatever. But you know what I'm saying? When you've been there, done that, and you see somebody about to make that choice, and you just shake your head and you go, well, this isn't gonna end well. Right? We already know this isn't going to end well. And here's the thing when you are younger, when I look back to when I was a teenager to when I was in my 20s, right, man, do you think that you fucking know everything you think you are the cat's meow and the cat's pajamas and the bee's knees and like you, you, you got it all figured out and you're smart, and you're hip. And old. People don't know when they're stupid and creepy. And like, we know everything. And you just sit there and you're like, Oh, this is not gonna end well. And you know, people gotta learn. People gotta learn, you can't, just like you can't wrap your kids in bubble wrap and protect them from every little choice or decision, they're never going to learn that they're resilient or capable. They're not going to find tenacity, they're not going to learn that they can, you know, think on their own, that they can formulate they can problem solve, they won't know that if people keep sweeping them out of you know, harm's way, or danger or you don't let them deal with the consequences of being themselves. And there are just times when you can't tell somebody, anything, they don't want to hear it. They are not open and receptive to your wisdom, your experience, your point of view, your knowledge, your advice. They're like, save it, zip it all set, don't need it. And that's just it. You can't save people I always say you cannot save people from themselves. They've got to want it. And if you're somebody who's been listening to my podcast and and and it's not just me, I'm going to use me because that's, that's the best example I've got, right? If you're somebody who's been thinking about working with me, wanting to work with me or whatever, and you know, in the past, maybe one to one seem too big or scary. And you know, the little membership didn't seem like the right thing. Now might be the perfect time. Now might be the perfect time because I have a group coaching program, the alchemy, think about what an alchemist is right? They transmute things from one thing into another. It's a powerful thing. There's so much magic that's about to happen. 12 seats at the round table. Okay. Three of them already claimed a fourth and a fifth. Right on the edge right on the edge. So there's a certain number of seats left. I would love to have you join us. This is going to be right incredible. I mean, collective learning, I should just do a podcast Note to self I gotta write that down. I'm going to do a whole podcast on On compound the compound interest of like collective learning and how incredible it is, to do this kind of work in a group, because it is really incredible. Again, just go to Karen kenny.com/alchemy. But here's the thing, I'm gonna say, you've got to want it, you're gonna get out of it, what you put into it, I know how I'm gonna show up. I know what I'm gonna put into it, I know how I'm gonna pour into it, how present, I'm going to be how passionate I'm going to be, right, but I can't do the heavy lifting for you. Right, like my coat. So Jordan, right, Jordan, who this who have been talking about this testimonial, Jordan has also been my strength and conditioning coach, my vegan conscious muscle guy, right. And we always joke, I'm like, Look, I'm gonna make gains, because I'm gonna be the one who drives my ass to the gym, and does the strength training and does my cardio and does the work, you can't come here and lift the weights for me, I can't expect me to grow my muscles, my physical muscles, by you doing the heavy lifting for me, I've got to do it, you can write the program, you can coach me, you can support me, but I've got to do it. And it's the same thing. When you're growing your spiritual muscles, it's the same thing. I can't do the heavy lifting for you. But if you are serious, and you are ready, and you're just like, I look, this is my time, this is my time, I'm ready to go all in and I want to do this stuff. Right? This could be the perfect time maybe to work together. So that's, that's what I got to say, guys, you know, if you can apply this to whatever, whether it's you finally want to get your book done you finally well, I'm just making shit up, right, you want to get your book done. You want to learn how to play guitar, you want to launch your course you want to get in shape and get stronger. You want to like whatever it is. Right? You've gotta want it. And then the support people that you can bring around yourself, to support you to have to have community to cheer you on to hold you accountable, right to help you to stay in self integrity, all that stuff is so much better. It starts with you. So that's what I got for you guys. today.