RELATIONSHIPS ARE COLLABORATIONS
On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, I dive into the idea that all relationships - whether personal or professional - are really just collaborations at heart.
Inspired by a chat with my friend Emiline (aka: Emily Aborn – Copywriter and host of the Content with Character Podcast) and a nugget of wisdom from actor Ethan Hawke, I explore who we choose to “collaborate” with in life truly matters.
It’s not just about what looks good on paper -or- who’s fun to be around for a quick minute.
It's more about finding people who share your values, can communicate well, and genuinely want to see you thrive and shine!
I share some of my own stories, too - both the good and the not-so-soothing – experiences of working with others.
From college projects and yoga retreats to creative partnerships, the best collaborations always had trust, mutual respect, and a sense of fun at their core!
On the flip side, I’ve also experienced those energy-draining partnerships where someone just isn’t open or willing to trust the process or the other people…
And let me tell you, that shit is a total grind you don’t want to be stuck in.
A big takeaway from this episode is the importance of knowing yourself before you jump into any kind of relationship or collaboration.
Be honest about what you bring to the table, what you need, and what you’re willing to give.
And don’t forget - sometimes the best collaboration you can have is with yourself, your creativity, or even your pets! 😆
So, as you go about your week, I invite you to reflect on your current relationships and collaborations.
Are they a good fit? Are you both able to shine? Is there room for both of you?
Also, if you’re looking for more inspiration, check out Emily’s “Content with Character” podcast episode on collaboration coming out August 19th.
Thanks so much for tuning in, and may you leave every collaboration - and every place you go - a little better than how you found it!
KK’S KEY TAKEAWAYS:
• All relationships, whether personal or professional, are a form of collaboration.
• Choose collaborators and partners who share your values, communicate well, and genuinely support your growth.
• Trust and openness to each other’s ideas are essential for successful collaborations.
• Know yourself and be honest about what you bring to the table before entering any relationship or partnership.
• Not every collaboration will be a good fit, and it’s okay to walk away if it isn’t working.
• Great collaborations are built on mutual respect, reliability, and a sense of fun.
• Take time to reflect on your current relationships and collaborations to see if they are truly serving you.
• Sometimes, the most important collaboration you can have is with yourself and your own creative pursuits.
BIO:
Spiritual mentor and writer Karen Kenney uses humor and dynamic storytelling to bring a down-to-earth, no-BS perspective to self-development.
Bringing together tools that coach the conscious and unconscious mind, Karen helps clients deepen their connections with Self, and discover their unique understandings of spirituality.
Her practice combines neuroscience, subconscious reprogramming, Integrative Hypnosis, somatics, spiritual mentoring, and other holistic modalities to help regulate the nervous system, examine internal narratives, remove blocks, and reimagine what’s possible.
A passionate yoga teacher, long-time student of A Course in Miracles, and Gateless Writing instructor, Karen is a frequent speaker and retreat leader. Via her programs The Quest and The Nest, she coaches individuals and groups.
With The Karen Kenney Podcast, she encourages listeners to shift from a thought system of fear to one of love, compassion, and personal responsibility.
CONNECT WITH KAREN:
Website: http://karenkenney.com/
Podcast: https://www.karenkenney.com/podcast
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YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@KarenKenney
Transcript
Hey you guys, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm super
Speaker:duper excited to be here, and thank you so much for listening
Speaker:to the podcast. If you tune in regularly, like, you already
Speaker:know who I am, right? Like, maybe my face is familiar. You
Speaker:know my voice, you know what we talk about here on the show. But
Speaker:if, like, you're wicked new to the show, first of all, welcome.
Speaker:I'm so happy to have you here, and you can find out, like, I'm
Speaker:not going to read you some long ass bio, but you can find out
Speaker:all about me. Karen Kenney, k, e n, n, e, y.com, the work I do,
Speaker:the stuff I offer, whatever. But in a wicked short synopsis,
Speaker:right? A little short synopsis, I'm a certified spiritual
Speaker:mentor. I am a writer, I'm a speaker, I'm a storyteller, I'm
Speaker:a integrative coach, I'm a hypnotist. I I've been a yoga
Speaker:teacher for like, 26 years. I do Thai Yoga massage, like Thai
Speaker:Yoga, bodywork, blah, blah, on and on and on. Mostly I'm like,
Speaker:I'm a child of God, I'm an extension of the universe. I try
Speaker:to spread love. That's what the hot beat of the show is about.
Speaker:Is about spirituality and storytelling. And, you know,
Speaker:kind of just learning all about who we are, why we do what we
Speaker:do, say what we say, think, what we think, etc, etc. And I just
Speaker:really try to share applicable and practical tools and tell
Speaker:stories that like have maybe universal principles in them,
Speaker:but that you can also somehow like put into action in your
Speaker:life. So spreading a little more love in the world is kind of
Speaker:like my my modus operandi. That's why, that's why I like to
Speaker:do this show. Okay, so today, today, what today's episode is
Speaker:brought to you by different inspirations. One was a
Speaker:conversation I was having with my friend who I call Emmeline.
Speaker:Her real name is Emily, a born but I call her Emma line. And so
Speaker:we were talking about collaborations, and that's kind
Speaker:of like the hot beat of what this episode is about. And then
Speaker:also something that I saw online from an actor that I love, Ethan
Speaker:Hawk, and so I'm going to dive into that right now. So Emma
Speaker:line is actually doing Emily a born, right? Her podcast is
Speaker:called content with character and next week. So whenever
Speaker:you're listening to this on, her episode is coming out on like
Speaker:August 19, 2025 and she's talking all about collaboration.
Speaker:So you want to go check that episode out for sure. And she's
Speaker:kind of coming at it more from a professional standpoint, a
Speaker:business standpoint, I'm talking about collaborations on more of
Speaker:a personal level. And I think so often we think about
Speaker:collaborations being for business, right, or school or
Speaker:something that's not as close to the human hat, but I think all
Speaker:relationships are like good collaborations, right? Or, I
Speaker:should say maybe all good relationships are like good
Speaker:collaborations. So relationships are like collaborations. And let
Speaker:me kind of tell you what I mean by that. So a lot of times when
Speaker:we're going to quote, unquote, collaborate with somebody out in
Speaker:the world, you know, we're kind of looking at it from a very
Speaker:strategic point of view. It's like, okay, what are they
Speaker:bringing to the table? What am I bringing to the table? How is
Speaker:this going to benefit me? How is this going to benefit them? Is
Speaker:this going to speak to my audience? Is this going to land
Speaker:with my listeners or my clients? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
Speaker:but for me, and it's not even a but, and for me, the main
Speaker:driving force is, is the math has to be mathing, meaning, when
Speaker:we bring me together with you, right? When we bring these two
Speaker:living, breathing human beings, these human spirits, together,
Speaker:you've got one plus one, and hopefully you are Better
Speaker:Together, meaning that when you come together, that you create a
Speaker:certain kind of magic that benefits not only each of you
Speaker:but the greater world, your community, your family, your
Speaker:environment. And so when I think about relationships this, this
Speaker:goes to personal relationships, like, hopefully within your
Speaker:family, your friends, your sweetie, your partner, who
Speaker:you're married to or sleeping with, or like, whatever, right?
Speaker:So when you're going into this, who you choose, when you're
Speaker:going into a relationship with, right? When you're when you're
Speaker:planning on hooking up with somebody, whether that's for
Speaker:months, years, life, whatever, right who you choose to quote,
Speaker:unquote, collaborate with, matters. So it's not that we
Speaker:want to be picky in this special way, like I'm better than you,
Speaker:but we want to think about this beyond just the pretty surface
Speaker:stuff. Like, like, oh, that person's hot. Like, I want to be
Speaker:with them. It's like, wow. It's like, can we go, like, a little
Speaker:bit of a deeper dive? Because those elements beyond Oh, it's
Speaker:just going to look good together. Right underneath that
Speaker:is, it's like, are we better together? What I'm bringing into
Speaker:the relationship, and what they're bringing into the
Speaker:relationship, is we collaborate together? Are we going to create
Speaker:something that is really strong, that is really powerful, that is
Speaker:really, you know, can, can kind of like last, last, over time.
Speaker:Now, sometimes there are going to be quick collaborations,
Speaker:right? You might meet somebody and you decide to do a project
Speaker:together and like, that's whatever, but if we're doing
Speaker:something for a long period of time together, it's really
Speaker:important, I think, that we start off by choosing somebody
Speaker:who we're going to be in a relationship slash collaboration
Speaker:with, that we respect, that we trust and beyond loving them,
Speaker:that we actually like them, because there are all kinds of
Speaker:people that you, quote, unquote, love, right? Oh, that's my
Speaker:uncle. I love him. He's part of my family. I find it fascinating
Speaker:that we can love people. There's a love there. But we necessarily
Speaker:don't want to, I don't want to, like, maybe hang out with them,
Speaker:or,
Speaker:oh my god, we don't want to see him that often. You know what
Speaker:I'm saying. We don't want to go to lunch. It's like, yeah, I
Speaker:love them and right and find the right distance or whatever. But
Speaker:something that Ethan Hawke said made me really start to think
Speaker:about this idea. He was talking about that he and his wife had
Speaker:started to collaborate. She was getting more into, like
Speaker:producing films, and so they were working on a project. And
Speaker:one of the things he said two things that really jumped out at
Speaker:me, and I want to share them here, because I think they're
Speaker:really applicable to our relationships, to these
Speaker:collaborations that we decide to get into. And he said, number
Speaker:one, one of the things that makes a successful collaboration
Speaker:is you have to be open to other people's ideas. A lot of times
Speaker:we come into relationships and we think like, This is who I am.
Speaker:This is the way, the right way, the only way I'm the one that
Speaker:has the strength in this area. Like we kind of put ourselves in
Speaker:boxes, and sometimes we put ourselves up on pedestals, and
Speaker:we just do don't listen very well to what other people are
Speaker:trying to share with us. And so number one, I think when we go
Speaker:into a relationship or a collaboration, we have to keep
Speaker:our minds, open our ears, open our eyes, open our hearts, open
Speaker:right? We have to be open to what the other person is sharing
Speaker:with us their ideas, right? We can't just say, like, No, I'm
Speaker:the boss here. Like, you suck it in a bucket, right? That. That's
Speaker:not how this works. So number one, we got to be open to other
Speaker:people's ideas, and this applies, right? Because here's
Speaker:the thing, even if everything I'm saying can also pretty much
Speaker:be applied to business collaborations, because all
Speaker:those are relationships as well, they just might not be, as you
Speaker:know, intimate, let's put it that way. But even a really good
Speaker:business collaboration, there is a certain amount of intimacy and
Speaker:vulnerability that that goes on there. Okay? Number two, Ethan
Speaker:Hawke, he said, You have to trust your collaborators. You
Speaker:have to trust your collaborators. And the way that
Speaker:he said, It really made me laugh, and it made me think
Speaker:about long term relationships, because I think that there's
Speaker:this thing that happens in long term relationships, and I've
Speaker:talked about this on other episodes, where people just kind
Speaker:of start to take each other for granted. People like to start to
Speaker:like, pigeonhole people and label them and think of them as
Speaker:like, well, I'm the one who cooks, they're the one who
Speaker:cleans. I'm the one that has the mechanical skill set. They're
Speaker:more analytical, or they're more feely, or they're like,
Speaker:whatever. And so we label people, we stop seeing them, we
Speaker:stop trying to understand them, because we think we know
Speaker:everything already. We know everything about them. We know
Speaker:how they are. We think we can predict what story they're going
Speaker:to tell, what their moods going to be, how they're going to
Speaker:respond. We don't even allow them to have a present moment
Speaker:experience, because we've already like labeled them or
Speaker:whatever. And when we start to do this, we start to take them
Speaker:for granted, and we don't trust them anymore. We're not as
Speaker:curious about them. We show up with all of our judgments, so we
Speaker:have to trust our collaborators. And he said it like this. He
Speaker:says, You have to keep in mind, right? I'm paraphrasing a little
Speaker:bit. He says there was a time instead of instead of project,
Speaker:right, instead of the word project, just think
Speaker:relationship. Okay, you. He says, There was a time when you
Speaker:really wanted them to join this project, and it's because you
Speaker:thought they were smart, and I love this so much. There was a
Speaker:time when you were starting to get into a relationship with
Speaker:somebody, and you were like, Yeah, I want to do life with
Speaker:this person. I want to spend time with this person. I want to
Speaker:exchange time, energy, resources, money, sex, bodies,
Speaker:whatever, with this person because you trusted them,
Speaker:because you thought that they were bringing something
Speaker:worthwhile to the table, right? You thought they were smart. And
Speaker:this is kind of really low grade secret kind of, like internal
Speaker:contempt that I see that builds over time in relationships where
Speaker:the couple stops collaborating and they're more like competing
Speaker:or withholding, and I've seen this, especially In older
Speaker:couples, like talking about, like, grandparent level couples,
Speaker:right? And I know some grandparents are much younger
Speaker:these days, but I'm talking like old school, like old school, and
Speaker:one of my set of grandparents, oh, my God, I couldn't tell
Speaker:like, I'm like, they stayed married, like, up until their
Speaker:deaths. But I'm like, there was so much contempt, there was so
Speaker:much anger, and I think just disappointment and eye rolling,
Speaker:you know, like one would start to talk, and the other one
Speaker:would, like, roll their eyes so hard and far and back in their
Speaker:head that I'd be like, I don't know, I don't know if she's
Speaker:going to be able to Get those down, you know, and I'm like,
Speaker:whatever this relationship slash collaboration was at the get go,
Speaker:I think, I think at this point now, they just pretty much can't
Speaker:stand each other, but they stayed together because that's
Speaker:what you did back then. You know what I mean. So one of the
Speaker:things when we're going into these relationships, into these
Speaker:especially these longer term collaborations, is we want to
Speaker:understand like, what is this other person's values? Like?
Speaker:What are their core values? Like, what really matters to
Speaker:them, right? And what do they consider valuable like, what
Speaker:what matters to them? Like, who are they? You know what I mean?
Speaker:Because, again, who you are choosing to collaborate with,
Speaker:matters, and we're going to go into how it doesn't always work
Speaker:out in a minute. We want to understand how they communicate.
Speaker:Like, if I'm trying to do a project with somebody, I need to
Speaker:know like, who they are, what's their style like, what's their
Speaker:style of communication? Are they going to be like timely and
Speaker:getting back to me, are they able to do they have emotional
Speaker:intelligence? Can they tell me what they're thinking, what they
Speaker:they feel? Do they communicate in a very gruff or abrupt or
Speaker:harsh way? Do they tend to need an invitation to communicate, or
Speaker:are they afraid of being a bother? Like, there's so many
Speaker:layers to it, right? We want to understand their commitment
Speaker:level. Like, how serious are they about this thing? How
Speaker:serious are they about this project or this relationship?
Speaker:Like, are we on the same level of commitment? Are they doing
Speaker:like, Hey, this is a one off thing, right? Or are they
Speaker:looking to go a little deeper and to establish, you know, a
Speaker:connection, and to establish some history and some some time,
Speaker:and, like, whatever, you know, what's their skill set? What?
Speaker:Again, not so much like, what do you bring into the table? But
Speaker:like, yeah, what's your contribution to this
Speaker:relationship? Like, what? What like Do you have the capacity
Speaker:right to communicate, to care? Are you a total raging
Speaker:narcissist? Are you like, are you so traumatized that you're
Speaker:not able to access parts of you like, you know, like, who am I
Speaker:dealing with? You know that again, what's their style of how
Speaker:they're showing up in the world, because I think in a really good
Speaker:relationship and in a really good collaboration, there is
Speaker:enough room for everybody to shine, so even if your styles
Speaker:are totally different, one of the beautiful things like I
Speaker:think about my sweetie and I right, like My sweetie and I, we
Speaker:share a lot of the same core values, like we care about, you
Speaker:know, certain that we both we both love animals. We both are
Speaker:like a little introverted, and we do extroverted things, right?
Speaker:Even though we're both very introverted, we do very
Speaker:extroverted things in our life.
Speaker:We both artists, right? He's a musician and I'm a writer. We're
Speaker:both creatives. We both value, like, time to get etc, etc, etc,
Speaker:right? So, but he is, like, he has a skill set. Like, I marvel
Speaker:at his skill set. He is so ridiculously talented. Like, he
Speaker:just makes me. To punch myself in the face. Sometimes he's so
Speaker:talented and he can shine in he shines in very particular ways.
Speaker:And then there's me and what I do, and then there's whatever my
Speaker:skill set and whatever I do in the world, right? So we
Speaker:compliment each other, and there's room for both of us to
Speaker:shine. You know, there was a period of time in my life where
Speaker:I kept choosing partners, I kept choosing people who were like
Speaker:always really talented, but there was no real room in the
Speaker:relationship for me to shine, because it was always about
Speaker:them. It was always about my contribution was in upholding
Speaker:them, supporting them, being their greatest cheerleader, you
Speaker:know what I mean? And slowly over time, right? I finally, you
Speaker:know, chose a guy who and there was another relationship. In
Speaker:fairness, there's another relationship before that that
Speaker:started to give me a taste of that, of like, putting the
Speaker:spotlight a little bit more on myself, my sweetie just really,
Speaker:really supports me, and he's my biggest number one fan, right?
Speaker:And that's another thing. Like, you want to be a fan of the
Speaker:other person that you're collaborating with, that you're
Speaker:in relationship with. You don't want this weird fucking
Speaker:competition. Like, I just cannot hit I can't stand that. Like, I
Speaker:know people believe in healthy competition. They're like, Oh
Speaker:yeah, when I see them doing well, it makes me want to
Speaker:ratchet it up a gear, like, whatever. That's fine. I'm
Speaker:talking about the kind of competition where it gets weird.
Speaker:You know, when, like, the vibe starts to get weird, and you're
Speaker:like, oh, this doesn't feel like it's a supportive, mutual fan
Speaker:club thing. This starts to feel like either there's envy or
Speaker:jealousy or them actually frenemy, right? They really,
Speaker:actually don't want me to do well. They don't want me to
Speaker:shine too bright, like they think that my brightness casts a
Speaker:shadow, rather than seeing that. You know, we're kind of that
Speaker:sunlight that we're both bringing is nurturing all the
Speaker:way around. Yeah, we want to be in relationship, aka
Speaker:collaboration, with people, where we actually support one
Speaker:another. You know, because I'll tell you this, I can think off
Speaker:the top of my head, and I'm sure that look at if I'm leaving
Speaker:anybody, nobody take this personally, anybody who, who
Speaker:I've worked with in the past, but just off the top of my head,
Speaker:I can think of, like, three really fantastic collaborations
Speaker:that I had. My first one was when I was in college in BU, my
Speaker:friends, I was lucky enough to actually be in school, in the
Speaker:same classes with just friends who I adored like I adored. And
Speaker:my sophomore year, we had to do what was called a capstone
Speaker:project. And basically we had to get together, and we had to,
Speaker:like research. I think we actually did a paper on the on
Speaker:the Hare Krishna movement. But it was like myself, my friend
Speaker:Christy, I think my friend Grover, there was a there was
Speaker:like four or five of us. I think there was four of us, and we
Speaker:each brought our own particular skill set. And the thing, other
Speaker:thing, is that we all trusted each other, and we were all
Speaker:reliable. Not nobody was dragging ass. Nobody was
Speaker:slacking. Nobody was not doing their part. No, at least in my
Speaker:memory, right? That's how I remember it is that everybody
Speaker:was doing their job, like do your job. That's another part of
Speaker:a powerful, you know, collaboration slash relationship
Speaker:is, you know, don't be slacking. Don't be slacking, don't be
Speaker:withholding like everybody, do your damn job, and it just makes
Speaker:it easier for everybody else. You know what I mean? I'm not
Speaker:saying you can't have a tough time or go through a period
Speaker:where you need more support or attention or love or whatever,
Speaker:but if you pull your own weight and you really do your best,
Speaker:that goes a long way. Another time is the New Hampshire yoga
Speaker:retreat. So for five years, I patented up with three other
Speaker:yoga teachers who are my friends, and we put on these
Speaker:fantastic yoga retreats, and like 120 people would come, and
Speaker:it would be so much fun, and we would do it over a three day
Speaker:weekend, and we all came from different studios. We all
Speaker:brought different points of view and strengths and whatever, and
Speaker:we all believed in each other and supported each other. And
Speaker:there was no weirdness, right? There was no like jealousy,
Speaker:there was no it was a true collaboration. It was such a
Speaker:blast. And then my friend Emmeline, Emily and I did a
Speaker:collaboration called the content compass, when we talked all
Speaker:about, like, creating content and storytelling and whatever.
Speaker:And it was one of the easiest and funnest and just like, no
Speaker:drama, like it was like, Okay, we would hop on a zoom. We'd
Speaker:talk about it. We're like, let's do it over this many days, the.
Speaker:Sounds great. What time do you think? Yeah, sure, it was so
Speaker:easy, which in and it was easy, it was fun. It gave me more
Speaker:energy. I did not feel drained. Because, let's be honest, I've
Speaker:had some bad collaborations, like things where I thought, Oh,
Speaker:this is a good idea. This person is x, y and z, so this is going
Speaker:to be like, a good fit, right? We're all bringing different
Speaker:POVs to the table, like, let's do this thing. There's one in
Speaker:particular that I think about now. I cannot tell you, it never
Speaker:got off the ground. I was planning an event with some
Speaker:people, and there was one person in particular who made it so
Speaker:fucking hard, just like everything was like, you know,
Speaker:we talk about, like pulling teeth. It was like an energetic
Speaker:suck of the biggest and deepest level. And I would get off those
Speaker:calls and those Voxer thing, those threads, and I would just
Speaker:be like, I can't do this. It was like, it was like pushing a rock
Speaker:uphill again and again, like a massive boulder, and I would be
Speaker:like, This is so exhausting. This per and it was because I'm
Speaker:not saying, Look, we all bring our own stuff, right? We all
Speaker:bring our own stuff to a collaboration. But one of the
Speaker:things that I saw is that this person had a different style of
Speaker:communication. This person was not willing to be open, really,
Speaker:to other people's ideas. They did not trust their
Speaker:collaborators. And how do you know that? Is because they were
Speaker:trying to control every little thing, and they kind of kept
Speaker:making themselves be the centerpiece they wanted. They
Speaker:had to be like, Oh, I do. I and I'd be like, hey, there's like,
Speaker:two other two other people here. You know what I mean? Because
Speaker:you'll just know you I mean double A men hands you guys. If
Speaker:you've ever had to work on a project, or you got paired up
Speaker:with somebody or whatever, we know what a shitty collaboration
Speaker:a partner feels for like, right? So I don't have to, like, hop on
Speaker:it and drag people through the mud, or blah, blah, blah, blah,
Speaker:because I'm sure there's somebody out there at some point
Speaker:they could say, Oh yeah, and they were not the strongest
Speaker:collaboration partner, you know, back in the day, whatever. But
Speaker:here's the thing, if you are going to engage, right and,
Speaker:quote, unquote, collaborate, I think all relationships are like
Speaker:collaborations, and we want them to be good, right? We want to,
Speaker:at the very least, own what we're bringing to the
Speaker:relationship, showing up with honesty, showing up and saying,
Speaker:This is what I'm capable of. This is what I'm not capable of,
Speaker:at least right now. This is what I'm working on. This is what I'm
Speaker:willing to do. These are my values. This is who I am. And
Speaker:what that means is part of it means you have to know yourself
Speaker:now sometimes we might, quote, unquote, surprise ourselves
Speaker:about how we're showing up or not showing up, how we're
Speaker:reacting, responding, communicating, whatever. But if
Speaker:you don't know yourself, if you don't know what you're good at,
Speaker:if you don't know where your strengths lie, where your
Speaker:weaknesses are, where you struggle, where you get
Speaker:triggered. But you have to know yourself if you're going to be
Speaker:getting into a quote, unquote, collaboration with somebody
Speaker:especially long term, you know, and it requires a lot of
Speaker:honesty, first and foremost, with yourself, because nobody
Speaker:wants to be bamboozled. Nobody wants to put in the time, the
Speaker:energy and the effort to plan a life with you. Never mind just a
Speaker:project with you, if the if you're not like if you're not
Speaker:going to be who you say you are who you are, you know what I
Speaker:mean? If you're not going to do what you if there's an if
Speaker:there's a lack of congruency, remember, I always say the
Speaker:assignment is alignment. If you're out of alignment, there
Speaker:will be that cognitive dissonance. They're going to be
Speaker:like, Well, wait. They say that. They always show up on time, but
Speaker:this they're always late. They say they care about X, Y and Z,
Speaker:but their actions are in complete opposition to what the
Speaker:crap that came out of their mouth was, you know,
Speaker:and that that will break down trust and sometimes it all looks
Speaker:good on paper. It all looks good on paper. And then you actually
Speaker:start to get into each other's kind of energetic field. You
Speaker:start to spend a little bit of time together. You have to be
Speaker:able to, kind of, like, read the vibe and read the room. And
Speaker:there are times when, yeah, you know, not all collaborations,
Speaker:like. To be wicked smooth all the time. There'll be speed
Speaker:bumps. That's just life. But we have to know when to say no. We
Speaker:have to know when we have to pull the plug. Because this
Speaker:isn't just a This isn't like a temporary thing, right? Like
Speaker:this is how that person operates in the world, and there's just
Speaker:going to be no, this isn't going to work. And the thing is, is
Speaker:you don't have to hate somebody because of it. You don't have to
Speaker:cast them out of your hat. You can simply just say, like, yeah,
Speaker:I don't think this is going to be a good fit. You know what I
Speaker:mean? And again, I think everything I'm saying also
Speaker:applies to business. I think whenever you're going because
Speaker:it's all relationships, even if you bump into somebody at the
Speaker:grocery store, a stranger for like 10 seconds, and you share a
Speaker:glance, you share a moment, you get somebody some cereal done
Speaker:off the top shelf because they're shorter than you that
Speaker:that is a moment, momentary like relationship, you know. And of
Speaker:course, in miracles, we call it like a level of teaching,
Speaker:there's that moment, there's that opportunity. And every time
Speaker:you interact with another person, it's an opportunity for
Speaker:a holy moment, you know. And again, it makes me think, what
Speaker:about what Ethan said, you know, you have to trust your
Speaker:collaborators, which means you have to remember that you
Speaker:started to go into this thing because you thought the other
Speaker:person was smart or they had some value, that they were
Speaker:bringing something to the relationship. So when you find
Speaker:yourself starting to slip into that kind of like agitation or
Speaker:contempt or judgment or eye rolling or taking people for
Speaker:granted, or whatever. That's when you want to really just
Speaker:slow down and start to take a look at what's going on inside
Speaker:of you. And I think to know, again, we're going back to like,
Speaker:you got to know yourself. You got to know why you're feeling,
Speaker:what you're feeling, why you think, what you think, why you
Speaker:say, what you say, why you do what you do, and what kind of
Speaker:shit that you're bringing to the collaboration, because it's
Speaker:really easy to be focusing on well, they're not doing this,
Speaker:and they're not doing that, and they're not saying this, and
Speaker:they're not holding up their end, and they're not Murmur,
Speaker:murmur, them, them, them, them, them, them. It's all their
Speaker:fault. It's all what you we have to be willing to take a look at
Speaker:ourselves too and say, Do I trust, do I trust this other
Speaker:person in the collaboration, meaning myself, like, am I
Speaker:actually showing up at my highest level? Am I showing up
Speaker:from a place of love, or am I showing up from a place of my
Speaker:fear and my neuroses and all my bullshit, all my undealt with
Speaker:trauma, all my emotional baggage, you know? And I always
Speaker:talk about it like this, you know, I think about
Speaker:relationships like when, when you're dating, I'm like, when
Speaker:people first start dating, they love to show up and put on their
Speaker:best act, right? Their best self steps forward and goes on the
Speaker:date for the first however long, right? Because if people were to
Speaker:just show up with their big bag of emotional stuff, all their
Speaker:undealt with stuff, all their habits and patterns and
Speaker:conditions and insecurity and bullshit, and they just imagine
Speaker:just walking up like you're meeting at a restaurant. It's
Speaker:like the first time you're meeting each other, and you both
Speaker:like walk up to the table, or one of you is already sitting at
Speaker:the table, and the other person just walks up with this big
Speaker:Santa size sack full of stuff, full of shit. They just set it
Speaker:down, and they're like, hi, like, this is me, and big
Speaker:gesture, this is me and like, my stuff, right? The other person
Speaker:would be like, yeah, check, please, check, please. I'm out
Speaker:of here. So we have a responsibility, too, in our
Speaker:relationships and in our collaborations, to know what
Speaker:we're bringing to the table. And literally imagine that, like two
Speaker:people about to sit down at this table, and they're looking at
Speaker:each other and they're like, so why you want to do this thing?
Speaker:Like, how you doing? Like, what's going on? Like, we think
Speaker:we can make this thing work. Like, who are you, what are you
Speaker:doing? What are you up to? What are you carrying around? What's
Speaker:your attitude, what's your values, how do you communicate?
Speaker:Is there room for me in this relationship, or is it going to
Speaker:be the you show like all the time, right? Is there mutual
Speaker:respect and support, right? Do we love each other double A men
Speaker:hands, if you get that. But do we like each other like would we
Speaker:choose each other? Would we choose each other? And that's a
Speaker:really important thing. Because remember who you choose to
Speaker:collaborate with, who you choose to do relationship with. It
Speaker:matters. And then one other point, like, because beyond
Speaker:that, you know, they become like an extension of you, you know.
Speaker:And so I often talk about how, like, you know,
Speaker:I don't like to be associated with people who are doing shady
Speaker:shit. I want to, I want to surround myself with people who
Speaker:look and we're all flawed. We're all flawed, we're. All a work in
Speaker:progress, but there's a difference between, they made a
Speaker:mistake, they screwed up, they're learning, and that is
Speaker:some shady shit. That is a person who is, like, up to no
Speaker:good. I'm all for fun shenanigans, right? I'm all for
Speaker:like, we're gonna stumble, we're gonna be clumsy. That's life.
Speaker:We're doing our best, and we're going to get better, and we
Speaker:apologize and we own it, and then there's people who are up
Speaker:to some stuff that I want nothing to do with, and I don't
Speaker:want to be associated, right? So it can be really easy to be
Speaker:charmed by people. So one of the other things I'll say is before
Speaker:you jump into a collaboration, a relationship, a friendship. Pump
Speaker:the brakes a little bit. Have a little patience. Feel things
Speaker:out, get a real sense of people, because we are training our
Speaker:brains these days for everything to be fast, immediate. Want
Speaker:instant gratification. Let's just do everything right? And
Speaker:like, we need to be able to pump the brakes. Kind of take a look
Speaker:at the larger landscape. Kind of float above the timeline, go
Speaker:above everything. Take a look, see, take a little look, see
Speaker:around, and be like, Who is this person really? What am I getting
Speaker:into? And you know, some people, you get involved too fast, too
Speaker:furious, right? The Fast and the Furious. And it doesn't always
Speaker:end well. I feel like I could talk about this for a really
Speaker:long time, that this metaphor, right of relationships are like
Speaker:good collaborations, but I think I'm going to pause it there for
Speaker:now, and it's just an invitation, too, to take a look
Speaker:around and see who are you collaborating with these days.
Speaker:Maybe you haven't collaborated with somebody in a long time.
Speaker:Maybe your collaboration partner recently passed away, or you
Speaker:broke up, or they left, or there's been a rift, or some
Speaker:kind, you know, maybe it's time to stop looking, you know, to
Speaker:collaborate, or maybe the greatest collaboration you want
Speaker:to have is between you and yourself, or you and your book,
Speaker:your artistry, your writing, you and your music, you and whatever
Speaker:you're creating, you and your clients. I don't know you and
Speaker:your pets, like whatever. It's not for me to say what your next
Speaker:collaboration should be, but maybe you've been not really
Speaker:pouring into any kind of collaboration lately, and maybe
Speaker:you've just been kind of like dog paddling, trying to keep
Speaker:your head above water. But you know, there are, there are some
Speaker:great collaborators out there, and they're also looking for you
Speaker:and for the beauty and the the wisdom and the joy and the fun
Speaker:and the love. And let me just say that too, great great
Speaker:collaborations, great relationships. They have fun.
Speaker:You have more fun together. And so if you're starting to feel
Speaker:like, Oh, these things, this doesn't really feel that fun
Speaker:anymore. And I'm not talking about, like, hard patches,
Speaker:because all relationships go through those kind of tough
Speaker:patches, right? I shouldn't say most, let's, let's normalize
Speaker:that most relationships, they go through a thing when you feel a
Speaker:little out of sync, whatever. I'm not talking about that. But
Speaker:sometimes there comes a point where you're just like, Yeah,
Speaker:this is just a grind, and I don't see a way out, like, and
Speaker:I'm not saying give up, right? That's what therapy and coaching
Speaker:and mentoring. There's 1000 things you can do, but sometimes
Speaker:we just when we start to realize, yeah, this doesn't feel
Speaker:that fun anymore. That's like a flare being sent up into the
Speaker:consciousness to take a look at that. But hopefully, whoever you
Speaker:are collaborating with right now, you're having a lot of fun,
Speaker:and I'm so grateful to all the people that have been great
Speaker:collaborators with me throughout my lifetime, and I've had some
Speaker:great collaborations, and I super duper appreciate you. And
Speaker:right now I feel like I'm having a collaboration with my
Speaker:listeners. So thank you so much again for being here. I hope
Speaker:this has been helpful in some way, or got you just thinking a
Speaker:little differently. I always say, I'm not here to tell you
Speaker:what to think, but it's an invitation to think, and
Speaker:sometimes it might be a new way of thinking, which is always
Speaker:fantastic and fun. So I appreciate you so much. Don't
Speaker:forget, my friend Emmeline has her content with character
Speaker:podcast. It's coming out on August 19, and she's kind of
Speaker:taking a collaboration angle more from the business side, and
Speaker:I'm really excited to listen to that. Maybe you'll check it out
Speaker:too, and just thank you for being here and wherever you go,
Speaker:wherever you go, may you leave yourself and the place and the
Speaker:animals and the planet and the other people, your other
Speaker:collaborators, better than how you first found them, wherever
Speaker:you go. May you and your energy and your presence and your love,
Speaker:you know, be a blessing. Bye. You.
