RIDING THE WAVES
On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, I'm diving into how life is kinda’ like riding waves in the ocean – unpredictable, sometimes rough, but also a little more manageable if you know how to navigate them.
I tell a story about a fun day at the beach with my sister, where we got tossed around by waves, and I realized that this is exactly how life works.
Sometimes you gotta’ go over the wave, sometimes you gotta’ go under, and sometimes you just get completely knocked on your ass - but the key is how you respond to what’s coming at you.
I also break down a favorite mindfulness practice called BRFWA (Breathe, Relax, Feel, Watch, Allow) that's basically a spiritual survival guide for handling life's crazy moments.
The big takeaway?
You can't control the waves (aka life and its challenges), but you can absolutely choose how you want to ride them.
I share some ocean-inspired wisdom - like not turning your back on challenges, swimming parallel to shore when you're feeling overwhelmed, and remembering to call for help when you need it!
It's about staying curious and compassionate, and not getting stuck in trying to control mode.
Whether you're dealing with a tough spot in your relationship, some work stress, or just the general “people be people-ing” of being human, this episode is your guide to staying buoyant and resilient.
I'm all about sharing practical tools to help you not just survive when you’re struggling or suffering, but to actually enjoy the ride - waves, wipeouts, and all!
So, I encourage you to give this sucker a listen and try BRFWA for yourself, and let's ride these life waves together!
KK’S KEY TAKEAWAYS:
Life Happenings:
• You can't control the waves of life, but you can control your response.
• Suffering often comes from resisting what’s happening.
• Challenges in life are inevitable, but our approach is a choice.
• Fear often drives our need to want to control people and things.
BRFWA - Mindfulness Technique:
• Breathe deeply to help calm your nervous system.
• Relax your muscles, soften your grip, and release physical tension.
• Feel sensations without any judgment or resistance.
• Watch your experiences with compassionate awareness.
• Allow things to unfold without forcing or controlling outcomes.
Practical Ocean/Life Metaphors:
• Don't turn your back on challenges.
• Orient yourself to supportive people and practices.
• Swim parallel to shore when feeling overwhelmed.
• Call for help when you need support.
• Float and rest when you're exhausted.
Mindset Shifts:
• Respond from love, instead of reacting from fear.
• Practice curiosity over judgment.
• Develop non-judgmental self-awareness.
• Remember you are Love, regardless of circumstances.
• Use simple prayers like "Please Help Me" when struggling.
Emotional Resilience Tools:
• Meet difficult feelings with compassion.
• Create space for your emotions.
• Don't abandon yourself during tough times.
• Seek perspective beyond your immediate experience.
• Recognize that your true Self remains unchanged.
BIO:
Spiritual mentor and writer Karen Kenney uses humor and dynamic storytelling to bring a down-to-earth, no-BS perspective to self-development.
Bringing together tools that coach the conscious and unconscious mind, Karen helps clients deepen their connections with Self, and discover their unique understandings of spirituality.
Her practice combines neuroscience, subconscious reprogramming, Integrative Hypnosis, somatics, spiritual mentoring, and other holistic modalities to help regulate the nervous system, examine internal narratives, remove blocks, and reimagine what’s possible.
A passionate yoga teacher, long-time student of A Course in Miracles, and Gateless Writing instructor, Karen is a frequent speaker and retreat leader. Via her programs The Quest and The Nest, she coaches individuals and groups.
With The Karen Kenney Podcast, she encourages listeners to shift from a thought system of fear to one of love, compassion, and personal responsibility.
CONNECT WITH KAREN:
Website: http://karenkenney.com/
Podcast: https://www.karenkenney.com/podcast
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karenkenneylive/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karenkenneylive/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@KarenKenney
Transcript
Hey you guys, welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I hope you're
Speaker:having a fantastic day. It looks like it's going to be,
Speaker:hopefully, another warm and sunny suck out today. So
Speaker:yesterday, I was just going to dive right in little
Speaker:storytelling. So yesterday, I went to the beach with my
Speaker:sister. And while I was there, I got there a little bit earlier.
Speaker:I wanted to just get easy pack and get a good spot on the
Speaker:beach, you know, set up my stuff or whatever. And while I was at
Speaker:the beach, I was thinking, you know, like a lot of things, this
Speaker:show is inspired by like life, you know, just like day to day
Speaker:life and stories and things that happen in day to day life. And
Speaker:really it's this like combination of spirituality and
Speaker:storytelling. You know, me being both a writer and a storyteller,
Speaker:and, you know, a speaker, but also being a spiritual mentor,
Speaker:etc, etc. I kind of look at the world through this curiosity
Speaker:lens, right? So I'm always just kind of paying attention. And
Speaker:occurred to me yesterday, when I was at the beach, how much of
Speaker:like being at the beach is like, oh, there's a lot of elements of
Speaker:the beach that are like metaphors for life. And one of
Speaker:the first things I noticed, and we're going to get into this, so
Speaker:the title of this episode is called, like, riding the waves,
Speaker:riding the waves, and we're going to get there, but stay
Speaker:with me. Buckle up. Buckle up for safety. Come on the ride
Speaker:with me. Let's get in the water together. Okay, so first one of
Speaker:the things I noticed is just how different people prepare. So
Speaker:remember, everything in this is the conversation today is like a
Speaker:metaphor, like the beach is like life. Okay, so all the ways that
Speaker:different people prepare so you have people who are like, coming
Speaker:down the beach, who are like, they've got everything. I mean,
Speaker:they've even got like, little trolleys,
Speaker:little wagons. Oh,
Speaker:my God, I saw so many people hauling, hauling so much gear. I
Speaker:mean, they have, like, you know, they have the tents, they have
Speaker:the umbrellas, they've got, like, the chairs and the coolers
Speaker:and the toys and the cribs and like, oh my god, eight different
Speaker:kinds of Sun loves. Your rights. So you have the people who are,
Speaker:like, hyper prepared, like wicked prepared. And I was
Speaker:howling laughing, because so many people, like, rolled by us
Speaker:with their caravan of goods, you know. And I was like, Oh my God,
Speaker:are they gonna set up a tent and start selling their wares?
Speaker:There's like, so much stuff here, but of course, there's
Speaker:like three kids in tow, and the mother, the mother in law, the
Speaker:grand like, it's a whole family. It's a whole ordeal, right? And
Speaker:then there's some other guy, oh, my God. The difference is,
Speaker:humans are so fascinating to me. Then there's another guy, he's
Speaker:barely got, like, a bath sized towel just thrown in the sand.
Speaker:And he's got like, a maggot basket, like plastic bag, and
Speaker:it's got, like, some Doritos, like, I don't even know if
Speaker:there's, like, any water beverage in sight to wash them
Speaker:down. And he's like, kind of haphazardly, like, slathered
Speaker:with like, white, you know, suntan lotion. But it's not in
Speaker:all the places, just like, in some of the places, and half his
Speaker:body's in the sand, just like, Oh my god. This is a guy that
Speaker:just, like, rolls out. He said, I'm just going to the beach,
Speaker:man, I'm just gonna, like, throw my towel down. And he's just
Speaker:like, there. And it's so fascinating how some people
Speaker:like, over prepare, some people under prepare. I think I'm kind
Speaker:of in the middle, right? Like I want to be comfortable, so I
Speaker:have a few towels, I got a chair, I got my snacks, I got my
Speaker:book, you know? I got some suntan lotion so I don't burn my
Speaker:ass to a crisp. But it's just, like, fascinating watching how
Speaker:people like prepare for the beach, aka, also, in some ways,
Speaker:prepare for life. I also notice how everybody has a different
Speaker:approach to the beach, right? Like, some people like to be
Speaker:really close to the water. Some people like, get me, keep me
Speaker:closer to the bathrooms. Some people are napping the whole
Speaker:time. Some people are reading the whole time. Some people get
Speaker:up and go for long walks. Some people talk on their phones and
Speaker:inappropriately loud voices for long periods of time. You know,
Speaker:it's just like, amazing, like, they're just not aware of their
Speaker:surroundings. And some people are very thoughtful, right? They
Speaker:keep their stuff neat. I even saw a couple in front of us who
Speaker:they must I assume, you know, I can imagine that they probably
Speaker:have a place at the beach that they're there a lot, because
Speaker:there are the people who tend to come early, and then they stay
Speaker:for a few hours, and then they get out, and I'm like, Oh, these
Speaker:are just, these are people who who, like, do the beach a lot,
Speaker:like, they get this, but somebody had left trash, like,
Speaker:around them, behind them, like, where they had set up. It wasn't
Speaker:their trash. Um. And he thoughtfully, when he got up, he
Speaker:picked it up, even though it wasn't his, and he didn't make
Speaker:the mess. And I just really noticed that as well, right? So
Speaker:all of this is, like, really fascinating. And here's the
Speaker:thing, like a little a little aside for a second, if you just
Speaker:pay attention in your life, if you just choose to go through
Speaker:life with a little bit more curiosity, and like paying
Speaker:attention to your fellow man, like you'll see these patterns
Speaker:of things all over the place. I mean, this is the kind of like
Speaker:what I do for a living. But I think it's like, it's not that I
Speaker:do these things, because I do them for a living. I think I do
Speaker:do this for a living, because that's who I really am, like me
Speaker:being curious and me paying attention and me like noticing
Speaker:things. That's just like my nature, you know what I mean?
Speaker:And it's come in really handy. Let me say this. Part of it is
Speaker:nature. Part of it is nurture. Some of it was created because
Speaker:of my childhood environment, like my hyper awareness. You
Speaker:know, that's like a survival mechanism. But I've also used my
Speaker:my trauma. I always say the things that were my trauma, in a
Speaker:lot of ways. I've spun them into gold, right? I've used them.
Speaker:I've used them to be helpful for myself and hopefully other
Speaker:people. Hence this podcast, okay, but the other thing I
Speaker:started to notice is how much the water, right? The ocean is
Speaker:also like life. And one of the things that I noticed because,
Speaker:you know, when we go to the beach, almost inevitably, like
Speaker:when we were kids, there was kind of like this unwritten rule
Speaker:by my stepfather, like, if you go to the beach, your ass gets
Speaker:in the water. It doesn't matter how cold it is, doesn't matter
Speaker:if you don't want to go in, if he drove you all the way to the
Speaker:beach, if you go to the beach, you get in the water, right? So
Speaker:it's like, okay. And so, I mean, as an adult now I have a choice,
Speaker:right? It's one of the beautiful things about being an adult. And
Speaker:a lot of this episode is also about that, like, our ability to
Speaker:choose, like, how we're going to respond and react, right? So I
Speaker:went to the beach, and if it's freezing, I'm an adult, you're
Speaker:not going to force me to go in. I don't live by this, this code
Speaker:that was, you know, pushed on me as a child. But today I was with
Speaker:my sister, and we always have fun. So I was like, alright,
Speaker:like in the water. So I'm like, Alright, I'm going to get in. So
Speaker:we got in the water. Well, I'm standing now. I noticed that,
Speaker:like, the waves just keep coming. The waves, like life,
Speaker:they just keep coming. They are not interested in our opinion.
Speaker:They are not interested in our preferences. They don't care.
Speaker:Like the ocean, like life, is not asking us, like, Do you want
Speaker:a more gentle or calm surf? Do you wish that the water was
Speaker:warmer? Do you wish that there was less seaweed and like no
Speaker:jellyfish, like no that is not happening. Waves like life, are
Speaker:just coming at us. It is just coming at us. And then we have
Speaker:to decide, right? We have to decide. Waves are like, Hey, we
Speaker:are just happening. This is how it is. There's no controlling it
Speaker:or changing it. This is how it is. But you dia person in the
Speaker:water, you get to decide or not in the water, you get to decide
Speaker:how you want to respond. How you respond is up to you. So my
Speaker:sister and I are out in the water, and you know how it is
Speaker:you first get in the Atlantic Ocean, and you're like, Jesus
Speaker:Christ is like freezing. And then either you start to go a
Speaker:little numb so you don't notice, or you acclimate and you're
Speaker:like, Okay, this is fine. I'm in here, so we're out there, and
Speaker:we're bopping around in the waves, like we're having, like,
Speaker:fun and stuff. And one of the things that naturally happen is
Speaker:when the waves keep coming in, like, you gotta get a plan.
Speaker:Like, you've gotta either come up with a plan or you are gonna
Speaker:sort of like, pay the price. So we kind of started playing this
Speaker:game when as a wave was coming in, based on the size, and it's
Speaker:distance to us, like, where we were in the water, we would look
Speaker:at each other, and one of us would either yell over, like,
Speaker:you gotta go over it. Like, bob up and like, go over it right?
Speaker:Or under like, because we're like, there's no way if we just
Speaker:stay standing here, we're gonna get slammed. And then you would,
Speaker:like, dive under the wave, right? Or you would go, you
Speaker:would just go. We would go, oh shit, because we knew that our
Speaker:plan had fallen apart.
Speaker:And sometimes, sometimes even our best plan, like, just got us
Speaker:knocked on our ass. And we would, like, come up from
Speaker:underwater with, like, a hair plastered all over our face and
Speaker:maybe one of your boobs practically popping out of your
Speaker:bathing suit. But we would be cracking up laughing as we
Speaker:bobbed up after this, up up to the surface, right? So we'd get
Speaker:knocked on our ass. So it was like, over, under or like, just
Speaker:knowing, like, oh shit, we're gonna get knocked on our ass.
Speaker:But here's the thing, you get knocked on your ass, and then
Speaker:hopefully, like, you find your way back up to the surface.
Speaker:Okay? But my point is this, we had, we had a choice of how we
Speaker:wanted to respond to what was coming at us. And this is just
Speaker:like life, right? Like stuff is going to come at us. It's not
Speaker:going to ask our permission. It doesn't care whether we want it
Speaker:or to happen or not, the death, the disease, the divorce, the
Speaker:diagnosis, the disappointment, all the different things that.
Speaker:Happen in this human experience. They're just going to happen
Speaker:because life is lifeing. People are peopling, and that's just
Speaker:how it is. But we always have a choice how we want to respond,
Speaker:and we have some tools that we can collect along the way that
Speaker:become very helpful, and we're going to get there. So I
Speaker:realized, Okay, we have a choice of how we want to respond to
Speaker:like, what's coming at us. We also have a choice as to whether
Speaker:or not we are just going to try to play it completely safe and
Speaker:like, never get in the water, just never get in. We're just
Speaker:going to stand on the sand and we're never actually going to
Speaker:get our feet wet. And as I was standing there yesterday,
Speaker:something occurred to me, and I turned to my sister, and I said,
Speaker:Hey, I don't think I ever saw Auntie so and so, like, get in
Speaker:the water. Like, did you ever see her? Like, really, like, get
Speaker:in the ocean. Because my recollection is, is that she
Speaker:always just stood on the shore. She never actually got in. She
Speaker:wouldn't go in, like, deeper than, like, ankles, like she
Speaker:would just stay on the shore, like she didn't play in the
Speaker:water, she didn't like, she just didn't get in and have fun and,
Speaker:like, ride the waves, you know what I'm saying. And when I was
Speaker:thinking about this, this kind of, like, riding the waves, I
Speaker:was like, it obviously. And like, basically, you're also
Speaker:getting a peek into how my brain works, right? Like how these
Speaker:episodes kind of come together. Because while I'm standing there
Speaker:thinking about, you know, one of my aunties who I'm like, I don't
Speaker:have any vision of her ever being in the water with us,
Speaker:playing, riding the waves, goofing around, whatever. And
Speaker:this riding the waves concept is a spiritual concept, which is so
Speaker:fantastic, which Hello. Here is the here is the episode and what
Speaker:I want to share with you. And thank you for if you're still
Speaker:listening, if you can still hear the sound of my voice, thank you
Speaker:for coming along and not bailing when you're like, she's just
Speaker:telling stories like, get to the point. So here we are. This idea
Speaker:of riding the waves. The first time I heard of this concept was
Speaker:when I went to Kripalu. So Kripalu is one of the largest
Speaker:spiritual centers and yoga centers in the United States.
Speaker:It's out in the west. It's out in Western Massachusetts and the
Speaker:Berkshires, okay? And I lived at Kripalu for over a month when I
Speaker:went to do my ytt, my yoga teacher training there back in
Speaker:2001 so a wicked long time ago, right? And I heard this concept
Speaker:when I was living there and riding the waves was one of the
Speaker:answers, right? So, like, we would have, like, our daily
Speaker:like, get up at 530 go do yoga at six. Blah, blah, blah, we
Speaker:would have these things. And then during the actual training,
Speaker:during the ytt and doing a yoga class first thing in the
Speaker:morning, and again, in the afternoon, it was part of the
Speaker:training. It's like immersing yourself in the experience, in
Speaker:the practice of yoga, because your whole life is technically
Speaker:your practice, right? I'm always like, yoga is always showing you
Speaker:you, and that's a story for another day. So this question
Speaker:the answer, this was an answer to the question about, and
Speaker:here's the question like, how can we suffer less when life is
Speaker:coming at us, when we are faced with these life situations,
Speaker:right? How can we suffer less less when we're faced with tough
Speaker:questions in tough situations, right? How do we suffer less
Speaker:when we are faced with tough situations, especially ones that
Speaker:we didn't choose? Right? Life is lifeing. The waves are coming at
Speaker:us. It's just happening. And the thing is, is that tough
Speaker:situations, you know, can be any time when things get hot, like
Speaker:just think about it, when losses happen, when we feel overwhelmed
Speaker:or anxious, when we don't have enough money to pay the bills
Speaker:you have a kid who's sick, shit doesn't go as planned. Things
Speaker:don't go how you wish they would hope you would want them to. And
Speaker:whether that's in a relationship, whether that's
Speaker:with your family, whether that's at work or in your business,
Speaker:like whatever, in these moments when we wish that things were
Speaker:different, when we find ourselves saying things to
Speaker:ourselves, like, if only fill in the book, if only such and such
Speaker:had happened, if only they hadn't done X, Y and Z, if only
Speaker:I had chosen to do this, if only you know right? We know that
Speaker:feeling those tough situations that we find ourselves in, but
Speaker:one of the things that yoga taught me early on and continues
Speaker:to teach me and continues to reinforce in my in my
Speaker:knucklehead brain, is that we cannot control reality like we,
Speaker:meaning we cannot control life. We can't We can't control life
Speaker:anymore, that we can stop the waves, stop the ocean from
Speaker:having tides, and stop the ocean from having waves, right? Like
Speaker:we, the sea is doing what the sea does, and life is doing what
Speaker:life does. And Peace. People are doing what people do a lot of
Speaker:times, to us chagrin. A lot of times, it's not what we prefer
Speaker:or want, right? But yoga keeps reminding me again and again and
Speaker:again. You know, we do not get to control everything, which is
Speaker:a really annoying reminder when you're kind of a control freak.
Speaker:You know what I'm saying, when you kind of like to control
Speaker:things a little bit. But one of the things I've realized about
Speaker:myself and about control in general, when I think back to
Speaker:that younger part of me that just really tried to control
Speaker:everything, you know, my desire to control is really just a
Speaker:symptom of it's a symptom, but it was also an ego solution to
Speaker:fear. So my desire to control everything was a response to
Speaker:fear, right? And the response was, I'm going to try to control
Speaker:everything, because if I can just get this to look a certain
Speaker:way or feel a certain way or be a certain way, then I can relax,
Speaker:then I can feel safe. My nervous system can take a breath and be
Speaker:like, Okay, we're safe. I just have to control everything and
Speaker:make everything familiar and control the environment and the
Speaker:people around me. And first of all, it's exhausting, right?
Speaker:Even just hearing that those of you who who need to control, or
Speaker:like to control, double A men hands, if you can relate, if any
Speaker:point, you've been a little controlling. Because when you
Speaker:really get honest with ourselves, though, you know
Speaker:there's two emotions, of course, in miracles teach us, there's
Speaker:love of this fear and so much right? So much of how we are
Speaker:responding and reacting to life, it's from that place of fear.
Speaker:And I would say more so reacting to life. I always say like I
Speaker:react out of fear, but I respond from a place of love. And it's
Speaker:often people who are anxious or afraid or insecure who are
Speaker:trying to control everything and again, double A man hands, if
Speaker:you can relate to that and like, let's just be honest, don't we
Speaker:all, don't we all, at some point experience those feelings of
Speaker:fear or anxiety or worry or trying to, like, manipulate a
Speaker:thing because you want it to be a particular way, because then
Speaker:you'll feel safer in your nervous system and in your body
Speaker:and inside of you right at some point in our life, we have all
Speaker:experienced this. And if you haven't like, you're like a
Speaker:unicorn, I guess so, like, lucky you. But I can say, for myself
Speaker:and for many people that I know and that I have worked with, we
Speaker:all experience those feelings at some point,
Speaker:but just like, this is the good news. Now we're getting down
Speaker:into it, just like we have useful tools that we use in the
Speaker:ocean right to stay safe and to survive, we also have tools in
Speaker:life, and we're going to get to that. But here, just because I
Speaker:just feel like, like, here are some important things to know,
Speaker:especially during the summer and if you're going to go in the
Speaker:sea. One See, these are some of the things that I've been taught
Speaker:and that I have practiced that have been very helpful. Number
Speaker:one, do not turn your back on the sea. Like I do not. I tend
Speaker:to, like, go backwards, like I walk backwards so I can see the
Speaker:ocean usually as I'm walking out of the ocean, till I can get a
Speaker:point where I'm like, Okay, now I'm at ankle depth and I'm safe
Speaker:to, like, turn around. I'm not going to get surprised and
Speaker:knocked on my ass by something, right? Because I like to know
Speaker:what's coming at me. I like to face things. I like to see
Speaker:what's happening and what's going on. So don't turn your
Speaker:back on the sea, because that's a lot of times when a wave comes
Speaker:out of nowhere and knocks you on your ass. Number two, orient
Speaker:yourself to the land. Orient yourself to the land. And so for
Speaker:me, this is about like, orienting myself to the people,
Speaker:the places, the practices, the things that ground me, like,
Speaker:where home is, where safety lies, like, orient yourself
Speaker:right? That's one of the things that happens when you get
Speaker:knocked on your ass. You get discombobulated. You're a little
Speaker:like, confused and like, you don't know where the shore is,
Speaker:right, so, like, orient yourself to the land when you get sucked
Speaker:out, when you feel yourself getting sucked out, this is,
Speaker:again, physically and Hello, metaphorically, when you feel
Speaker:yourself getting sucked out. Or or Undertow, when you're pulled
Speaker:into that undertow. Sometimes the undertow is an addiction, a
Speaker:habit. You know, sometimes it's literally the water, the ocean,
Speaker:but sometimes it's like an addiction. It's a habit, it's a
Speaker:pattern, it's a way of being. It's a relationship or a group
Speaker:of people that are no longer good for you, and you're getting
Speaker:pulled into their drama and their trauma and their bullshit,
Speaker:right? Swim parallel to the shore, especially if you're in
Speaker:the ocean, right? And this is how people drown, right? The
Speaker:Undertow is very strong, and it's pulling you backwards. And
Speaker:you keep fighting and fighting, and you're trying to swim in the
Speaker:current, you're trying to swim forward. You're trying to stay
Speaker:in that same place. When you swim parallel to the shore, you
Speaker:you literally right. Just need to get a few feet away from, a
Speaker:few feet out of that Undertow, and you swim parallel to the
Speaker:shore, and that pulls you out of the undertow, because a lot of
Speaker:people get sucked into that current, and it is very, very,
Speaker:very strong, and that's how people drowned, is they get
Speaker:fatigued, and they can't fight anymore, and they can't swim,
Speaker:and they go under and they drown. And this can happen off.
Speaker:This can happen. Happen in life as well, right? The pull of the
Speaker:thing, the addiction, the drug, the people, the porn, the
Speaker:whatever, the gambling, the look, right? It's too much. The
Speaker:overwhelming feeling of the emotions are too much. We swim
Speaker:parallel to shore. We get a little distance. We get out of
Speaker:the undertow. We just need a little bit more. Just get out of
Speaker:the undertro toe and swim parallel to shore and get a
Speaker:different perspective. Because the mind, the mind and the
Speaker:choices and the decisions that got you in that Undertow, they
Speaker:are not going to be the I always say to my people, like your best
Speaker:thinking got you here, so we gotta try something else. And
Speaker:are you willing? Are you willing to come at something from a
Speaker:different POV, a different point of view, and just get a little
Speaker:perspective, get out of that and swim parallel. Okay, another
Speaker:thing you can do is call for help. If you know you're in
Speaker:trouble, call for help. Another thing, if you get wicked
Speaker:fatigued, try to float. Try to float. Sometimes it's not about
Speaker:doing more. Sometimes it's about resting. Sometimes it's not
Speaker:about fighting. Sometimes it's about floating right. Let
Speaker:allowing yourself to be buoyant, allowing yourself to be held,
Speaker:allowing yourself to have a rest or just a little break, so you
Speaker:can gather more strength if you need it. Here's the other thing.
Speaker:Now we're getting to the hot beat of this. You can also relax
Speaker:and do your best to ride the waves. Ride the waves. Ride the
Speaker:waves, literally of the ocean back to shore, but also
Speaker:metaphysically, metaphorically, spiritually, we learn how to
Speaker:ride the waves and in life, when I talk about like ride the wave
Speaker:back to shore, it's kind of like the shore is like coming back
Speaker:home to who you truly are, which is love, which is that eternal
Speaker:thing that is unchanging, right? Which is you are love, no matter
Speaker:what happens, no matter what you do, underneath all of the
Speaker:nonsense and the shenanigans and the traumas and the dramas.
Speaker:There's a part of you that is unchanged. There is a part of
Speaker:you that is not touched by the things of this world. There is a
Speaker:part of you which is really to me. It's the whole pot, the holy
Speaker:pot, the true pot, the self, the true self, which is love, so
Speaker:beyond the big sensations and feelings beyond all the ever
Speaker:changing emotions, there is the eternal self, which is love. And
Speaker:when we come back to the shore, when we remember that, when we
Speaker:are reminded of who we truly are, when we have people in our
Speaker:life who reflect it back to us, and we remember, oh, yeah, I can
Speaker:come back home. I can come back to shore at any time, any time,
Speaker:any time. So this riding the waves is a literal concept. It
Speaker:is a literal concept. And again, first time I heard it was when I
Speaker:was at Kripalu. So at Kripalu, we have a tool that we, and I've
Speaker:did a whole show on this I know I've talked about birth wa on
Speaker:the show before, but like, repetition is the mother of all
Speaker:learning. I'm not telling it to you because I think you're
Speaker:stupid. I'm not saying it again because I don't think you got it
Speaker:the first time. But for me, and I've been in this game for a
Speaker:long time, but even for me, reminding myself, oh yeah,
Speaker:birth. Wa right. Riding the waves of sensations of the
Speaker:emotions. This is how we come back to ourselves. This is how
Speaker:we come back to love. This is how we come back to sanity, to
Speaker:our right mind, to to our true source, to our self, to love.
Speaker:This is how we remember that we're not this body being tossed
Speaker:around by the waves of life that Oh yeah, I'm spirit. Okay, so
Speaker:with birth, WAF war stands for, breathe, relax, feel, watch,
Speaker:allow, right? And we'll get into that in a second. So when we
Speaker:allow ourselves to find ourselves, when we find
Speaker:ourselves in a tough situation, when we find ourselves in a
Speaker:suffering place. Here's some things that we can do. Number
Speaker:one, and we're again, I'm going to break down burfa. We're going
Speaker:to simply be in the present moment, right? Do our best to
Speaker:simply be in the present moment. And Remember how I talked about
Speaker:floating. Just soften your grip, not clench fists. I'm like
Speaker:clenching my fist, making mocks with my fingernails in my palms.
Speaker:Not this. It's this. It's like, open palms, open soft grip, open
Speaker:and receptive, right? Let go of expectations. Let go of
Speaker:expectations, of of how you want it to be, how you like like.
Speaker:Don't try to force the outcome. No controlling right let go of
Speaker:expectations, or at least be willing to let go of
Speaker:expectations. When you cannot let go of an old story or an
Speaker:expectation or a strong feeling, this is when prayer is really,
Speaker:really helpful, and you just say something simply like, Please
Speaker:help me. Please help me. I. Want to let this go. I don't know how
Speaker:please help, right? Just please help. You don't even have to get
Speaker:all fancy and religiously like you don't have to be all like
Speaker:Dear God, dear Lord, dear sometimes you just say, you
Speaker:know, please help. I'm willing to do this, or help me to be
Speaker:willing to do this. Okay? Number four, just begin to open up your
Speaker:heart and your mind, and to shift out right, to shift out
Speaker:your perspective. Just be willing to be open that there
Speaker:might be a better way. There might be a different way.
Speaker:Because the thing is, is like when we stop fighting, you know,
Speaker:when that current is pulling us, when we stop fighting, when we
Speaker:allow ourselves to feel, and that's usually what we're
Speaker:resisting in life, is we are resisting feeling our feelings.
Speaker:We are resisting facing that this thing is happening, right?
Speaker:We want it to be different. So much of our suffering comes from
Speaker:the struggle of wanting things to be different than they are.
Speaker:Wanting things to feel different than they are when we allow
Speaker:ourselves to just feel whatever it is we're feeling within any
Speaker:given experience that can help us to kind of find that
Speaker:equanimity, that buoyancy right whatever life is throwing at us.
Speaker:So if we can find from that foundation, place of shifting
Speaker:out of resistance and fighting and that fear and that
Speaker:controlling and we can kind of just change our awareness,
Speaker:change our willingness to shift out of our feelings of
Speaker:struggling to acceptance, which is like the waves are coming at
Speaker:us. Life is life, and people are peopling like this is happening,
Speaker:and if I stay too attached to the outcome and how I want it to
Speaker:be, and how I need it to be in order for me to be happy or safe
Speaker:or whatever we're going to get in trouble. So birth, what is a
Speaker:mindfulness a mindfulness technique, right? Again,
Speaker:Kripalu, yoga is it taught me, and this is how we learn to ride
Speaker:the waves of life's challenges. Ride the waves of like whatever
Speaker:is happening in our lives. Okay. Again. It stands for Breathe,
Speaker:relax, feel, watch, allow.
Speaker:So let's say you feel anxious or uncertain about a situation that
Speaker:you're facing. Just try this technique. Just try it, excuse
Speaker:me and see what happens. I always say to people like, I've
Speaker:gathered a ton of tools. I've gathered a bunch of things to
Speaker:help myself, first and foremost, like I had to go first, because
Speaker:I was drowning in the sea of life. Life was coming at me hot
Speaker:and heavy for many, many, many years there, and I needed some
Speaker:help, so I gathered some tools, and now I like to share them
Speaker:with others. And not every tool is going to feel like a home run
Speaker:to everybody. Not every tool is going to be like, this is the
Speaker:one, right? So I like to have a lot of different ways in and a
Speaker:lot of different approaches. But one of the things I use all the
Speaker:time, and I teach in my yoga classes as well, is birth wa
Speaker:Okay, so you start to be a little anxious, you start to
Speaker:feel a little uncertain. You get some fear coming up. You get you
Speaker:notice yourself, right? Getting a little kooky monkeys upstairs.
Speaker:When you leave, you start to leave your right mind. That's
Speaker:the first thing. Like, if you can even notice, like, oh my
Speaker:god, I'm feeling really tense. Oh, I'm feeling anxious. I'm
Speaker:feeling this. I'm about to make this decision. I'm about to do
Speaker:this thing. We want to make choices from a place of love,
Speaker:like, from a little bit like, get out of that fight and
Speaker:flight, get out of that fear response. And how can I drop
Speaker:into the parasympathetic nervous system response, that place
Speaker:where I can now have access to my curious and creative mind so
Speaker:I can make better choices? Right? So number one is we want
Speaker:to breathe. We already know nice, full, deep inhale through
Speaker:the nose, if you can twice as long extended exhale through the
Speaker:mouth, even with a little bit of sound, can add help with vagal
Speaker:tone, right for the vagus nerve. But if we just breathe, ground
Speaker:yourself in the present moment. Notice the quality of your
Speaker:breath. Notice the quality of your inhalations right through
Speaker:the nose, if you can, and those twice as long exhalations out
Speaker:through the mouth, if you can, when we connect to our breath, I
Speaker:mean, it does a ton of things. For the nervous system, slows
Speaker:down the heart rate, gets us into parasympathetic the
Speaker:relaxation response, right? It does a ton of stuff, but it also
Speaker:helps us to find some equanimity. It helps us to find
Speaker:a little balance. And it's from that place that we can tap into
Speaker:our curiosity, our resiliency, our inner strength, our inner
Speaker:wisdom, right? So, number one, again, breathe. Okay. Number
Speaker:two,
Speaker:relax. Relax.
Speaker:When we relax. And I want you to think about this, right? This is
Speaker:the how we start to create a little more space inside of us.
Speaker:We shift out of, like, this foveal vision of, like, being
Speaker:hyper focused, because, like, that's what we do when we're in
Speaker:fear. I gotta be hyper focused and vigilant about, like, what
Speaker:when we shift out into peripheral vision, it's like,
Speaker:and the nervous system calms and the nervous system relaxes. And
Speaker:when we do that, we create space within ourselves, and we can
Speaker:release, release any tension, release any any unnecessary like
Speaker:gripping or forcing or fighting, if we can learn to just soften
Speaker:our muscles a little progressive relaxation, relax your jaw, drop
Speaker:your shoulders, soften your belly, right like, let your
Speaker:eyes, like, get a little bit their their vision, like,
Speaker:softer. Like, you know, when you're kind of looking at a
Speaker:puppy or a baby and you're like, Oh baby, oh sunset, like,
Speaker:whatever the thing is, right? Notice how, when we physically
Speaker:relax our muscles, deepen our breath, how that also affects
Speaker:your your mental experience as well, the the mental chatter,
Speaker:the mental activity of your mind. Okay, we've got breathe.
Speaker:We got relaxed, then we have feel this is when we this is the
Speaker:one that most people struggle with right here. We don't like
Speaker:to feel the hard feelings. We don't like to feel the anxiety
Speaker:or the panic attack. We don't like to feel the discomfort, we
Speaker:don't like to feel the anger. We don't like to feel the hurt,
Speaker:right? It's like, but if we can bring our awareness to the
Speaker:actual details of the physical sensations that are coming up in
Speaker:the body, right, notice the details of the sensations like,
Speaker:Oh, I feel hot, oh, I feel cold, Oh, it feels like I'm shaking. I
Speaker:feel like I'm gripping. I feel a knot in my stomach. I feel
Speaker:butterflies. I feel like a tightness in my throat. I feel
Speaker:like I'm clenching my jaw right? Bring awareness to the details
Speaker:of the sensations, to the details of the thoughts, the
Speaker:emotions, right, the mental like, the feelings and to your
Speaker:memories, and then whatever comes up. Try to meet it with
Speaker:curiosity. Try to meet it with compassion. Try to meet it with
Speaker:an open heart. Try to meet it with an open mind. Instead of
Speaker:rushing in without judgments. I shouldn't be feeling this. This
Speaker:feeling is bad. This anxiety is bad. This needs to stop. This is
Speaker:whatever. Simply be with the sensations of the feelings.
Speaker:Don't fight it, don't force it, don't try to kill it, don't try
Speaker:to push it. Simply do your best to be with it. This is the
Speaker:feeling pot, whatever arises, curiosity, compassion and an
Speaker:open heart. Remember, this is a mindfulness technique. Okay,
Speaker:then the next one is watching what I also sometimes call
Speaker:witnessing. Okay, this is when, like Swami Kripalu, right? The
Speaker:word Kripalu actually means compassion. Swami Kripalu Bapuji
Speaker:has said, right, the highest form of spiritual physical, the
Speaker:highest form, the highest form of spiritual practice is self
Speaker:observation, without judgment. So when we watch, we want to
Speaker:develop a non judgmental witness, a non shaming witness,
Speaker:like a non judgmental awareness, like, be aware, right? Just
Speaker:create non judgment around whatever is happening. Observe,
Speaker:simply observe yourself. Observe your feelings. Observe like you
Speaker:know how you usually tend to want to react to a thing.
Speaker:Observe the situation as it's unfolding. And notice, right? My
Speaker:yoga, my yoga students know I always say, notice what you
Speaker:notice. Notice what comes up. NOTICE come what comes up as
Speaker:you're fully engaging with your feelings, with your breath. As
Speaker:you're relaxing, notice what is going on inside of you. So many
Speaker:people, they just run from it. And I always say, like, we have
Speaker:to bear witness. We have to bear witness to ourselves, to those
Speaker:younger parts of ourselves that maybe are being triggered, or
Speaker:they're afraid, or they're scared, right? Like, stay with
Speaker:yourself. Don't abandon yourself, be fully with
Speaker:yourself. And then allow. This is the big one, like, allow. So
Speaker:how do we allow? A lot of times we use this word, like, let go,
Speaker:right? Like, let go of your desire for things to be a
Speaker:certain way. Let go of the outcome. Let go. Let go. Let go.
Speaker:If people knew how to fucking let go, they would do it right.
Speaker:But it's hard. It's hard psychologically for people to
Speaker:let go. So instead, sometimes I'll say, like in this allowing,
Speaker:how about you choose not to hold on to it anymore. Mm. Right? How
Speaker:about deciding to not hold on? Just don't hold on anymore.
Speaker:Don't insist. I always say to people, don't insist on keeping
Speaker:these patterns, these habits, these beliefs, these stories,
Speaker:don't insist on holding on to them anymore. And this is that
Speaker:willingness, right, surrender into the process. Do your best
Speaker:to let go, to allow to surrender, to not insisting on
Speaker:holding on to these old things that, that, that that cause your
Speaker:suffering. Okay, allow the outcome whatever it's going to
Speaker:be. Allow it to be there without expectations. Allow things to
Speaker:arise without your expectations. Birth WA is a powerful practice,
Speaker:and it's riding the wave, because when stuff goes down,
Speaker:there's going to be a big wave of sensation, whether that's
Speaker:fear, anger, anxiety, that desire to control, like that
Speaker:desire to fight or flight or run or freeze or flop or whatever,
Speaker:right to fawn, all the trauma responses. There's a big wave of
Speaker:sensation that comes up in the body and comes up in the mind,
Speaker:and these emotions and the physical sensations. And if we
Speaker:can just hang out there, if we can just breathe into whatever
Speaker:is coming up that wave that is coming up, ride that sucker
Speaker:right back into the shore. Don't try to, like, I always say, so
Speaker:like in the ocean, we're like, trying to go over it, go under
Speaker:it, get knocked on our ass. What if we just, like, rode the wave,
Speaker:road the wave back into the safety of the shore. Be the love
Speaker:that you are, right? The big sensation is going to come meet
Speaker:it with the breath right. Relax into it. Get curious, feel it,
Speaker:watch it and witness it unshamingly. Be kind, be
Speaker:compassionate, and then allow yourself to return. Allow
Speaker:yourself to have no expectations. Allow yourself to
Speaker:be surprised. Allow yourself to be curious. Moving through the
Speaker:world with non judgment, it's hard because the ego judges like
Speaker:a mother, doesn't it? The ego just, I mean, it's its main gig
Speaker:is to keep you separate and sick and special and suffering, you
Speaker:know? And this is when spirit gets a say. Spirit gets to come
Speaker:in those two emotions, love and fear. It's like saying there's
Speaker:two teachers, there's the ego and there's spirit slash Holy
Speaker:Spirit, right? Like the in a teacher, that's the voice of
Speaker:love. That's what we want to be riding to the shore. And burfa
Speaker:is just one of the tools that we can use to do it.
Speaker:So I hope, I hope
Speaker:this day finds you just riding the waves, man, riding the
Speaker:waves, not getting knocked in your ass, right? Not like
Speaker:freaking out, but hopefully you're going to get in the
Speaker:water, you're going to get into your life. You're going to be
Speaker:present. You're going to get a little wet. You're going to
Speaker:play. You're going to have some fun. Yes, you are going to get
Speaker:knocked on your ass, because that is life. Life is lifeing.
Speaker:The waves are coming in, right? People are peopling. But we have
Speaker:so many tools, you guys. And remember, one of them is call
Speaker:for help. And this is when, again, right? There's a there's
Speaker:so many people out there, and sometimes your help is unpaid.
Speaker:It's a friend, it's a family member, right? It's your priest,
Speaker:although I would say if you're tithing, you are in some ways,
Speaker:paying. But then there's also coaches and mentors. There's
Speaker:people like me, there's communities like the nest,
Speaker:there's like yoga classes you can go to right? There's lots of
Speaker:ways to find help, so use that too if you need to, and you can
Speaker:always find me in the ways that I help at Karen Kenney, k, e, n,
Speaker:n, e, y, right? Karen kenney.com, there's a work with
Speaker:me page. There's a page on the quest one to one mentoring.
Speaker:There's a page on my yoga classes. There's a page on hot
Speaker:to hot days. Hot to hot days are like we we like. They're like
Speaker:chunks of time throughout the day, like a half day or a few
Speaker:hours where we talk over Voxer. It's a voice messaging app, and
Speaker:it's like having a walkie talkie. And we do spiritual
Speaker:mentoring. We do some coaching. Uh, hot to hot days are a blast.
Speaker:I love them. If you're curious about them, just go to just go
Speaker:to Karen kenney.com/work with me. You'll see the button right
Speaker:at the top, and you can learn all about them. Okay, you guys,
Speaker:thank you so much for staying with me, for riding this wave of
Speaker:this episode. I've loved sharing this time with you. I hope it
Speaker:was helpful and beneficial in some way, and if it was, please
Speaker:share it with somebody, right? Somebody who you think could
Speaker:benefit from it? Um, wherever you go, wherever you go, out
Speaker:there, today, tomorrow, tonight, whatever may you leave, the
Speaker:people, the animals, yourself, the environment, the planet,
Speaker:better than how you first found it. Wherever you go, may you and
Speaker:your energy and your presence and. Your love and you know, be
Speaker:a blessing. Just keep riding the waves, my friends. Bye. You.
