Episode 365

full
Published on:

7th May 2026

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SYMPATHY, EMPATHY, AND COMPASSION

On this episode of The Karen Kenney Show, I talk about the powerful difference between sympathy, empathy, and compassion and why it matters in how we move through the world.

I share a personal story about my mixed media art piece that I created for “The Mothership” Exhibition - in honor of my mother on the 45th anniversary of her murder - and how watching strangers interact with my work revealed, in real time, the shift from sympathy to empathy and beyond.

We explore:

- How sympathy creates distance

- How empathy helps us feel ‘with’ someone

- How compassion asks, “How can I help?” and moves us to act

I also offer a few simple ways you can start building your own compassion muscle - for others, yourself, animals, and for all the beings that may be suffering in this wild world we’re all sharing.

KAREN KENNEY BIO:

Karen Kenney is a writer, speaker, podcaster, certified spiritual mentor, and coach.

She’s known for her dynamic storytelling, her sense of humor, her Boston accent, and her no-bullshit approach to spirituality, self​-development, and transformational work.

Karen helps people to navigate this whole “being human” experience using practical tools, universal principles and stories, and a variety of resources.

KK has been a yoga teacher for 25+ years, has been giving Thai Yoga Massage since 2008, and began teaching it in 2015.

She's also a Gateless Writing Instructor, the creator of Write Club, and the host of The Karen Kenney Show podcast.

She coaches clients individually in her 1:1 program THE QUEST and via her HEART-TO-HEART DAYS using Voxer. She also leads a group program and community called THE NEST.

CONNECT WITH KAREN:

Website: http://karenkenney.com/

Podcast: https://www.karenkenney.com/podcast

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karenkenneylive/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karenkenneylive/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@KarenKenney

Transcript
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It's the Karen Kenney show.

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Hey you guys. Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm super

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duper excited to be here with you. Oh my god, on this

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beautiful day, and I wanted to share, let's just dive right

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into this sucker. I wanted to share a little story with you of

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something that happened, and I want to share it with you,

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because this thing that happened got me thinking. It got me

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thinking, it got me feeling, it got me thinking about other

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people, and it also got me thinking about my own behavior.

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And so, as usual, I'm going to start with a little story, and

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then we're going to, we're going to dive into how this all

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applies to us collectively, right, as a people, for you

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individually, to maybe do some considering about my whole thing

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with the Karen Kenney show is I maybe I should make the

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assumption, but I do kind of make the assumption that if

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you're listening to this sucker, It's because either you're a

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loyal listener and you dig the show, you love the show, and I

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really appreciate that, but you're the kind of person who

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wants to kind of take a look at themselves, that you have some

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depth, that you're curious, that you're a lifelong learner, that

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you don't want to walk around being an asshole, right, like a

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selfish asshole caught up in our own stuff, right? We're curious

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about transformation and learning and growing and

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discovering and all that stuff. Okay, so whether it's self

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development or transformation work, spiritual work, whatever

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you want to call it, you're just curious about what it is to be a

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human being and and how you can, you know,

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really show up as your truest self and your best self, and it

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doesn't mean we don't still fuck up and we don't make mistakes,

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and none of us are perfect, okay, but we have a desire to

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show up as the love that we are, and sometimes we're clumsy and

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sometimes we blow it. But you might be very new here. Maybe

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somebody sent you to listen to the show. And if you're new

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here, welcome. I'm so happy to have you. And if you don't like

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this, this show or this episode, I mean, that's the beautiful

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thing of being an adult, is you don't have to listen. You can

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just be like out of here. See you later. But thank you for

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giving it a shot and giving it a try. I am not everybody's cup of

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tea. Okay, so here's the here's the deal. If you listen to last

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week's episode, I was telling you that whole great story, that

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Kismet story of how I got asked to be a part of an art show, and

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it's called, it's called the mothership, the art show. I'm

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only telling you that because it's needed in context for this

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story. It's called the mothership, and the fact that

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it's happening in May of 2026 was a really big deal that I was

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invited to submit a piece on mother in the month of May. So

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as many of you know, if you're a friend of mine, or if you're a

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loyal listener, you know, my mother was murdered when I was

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12 years old in the month of May, May 7, 1981 so this year

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2026 is her 45th it's the 45th anniversary of her death, but

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within a two week period of time, it's basically like the

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anniversary of my mother's death. It's the anniversary of

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my mother and my stepfather's wedding. It is my mother's

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birthday. It's Mother's Day, like all like May is like mom

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month. You know what I'm saying. So the fact that I got offered

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an opportunity to do something around this concept or idea of

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mother or the mother ship, or mother ring, Mother Nature, the

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whole thing was just really, really beautiful, divine timing.

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And because it's the 45th anniversary, I wanted to do

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something special. I didn't know what that was going to look

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like, right? I have my yearly rituals. I have my annual things

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that I always do, but with this being, like a big anniversary, I

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was like, Oh, I hope I can do something, you know, a little

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extra cool or extra special, and and

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then all of a sudden, I got this, I got this opportunity to

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do that, so I'm pretty excited. So okay, but here's the thing,

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the show is running from May 1 to, like around May 30, right?

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So last Friday, this past Friday, May 1,

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we you know, the wall, the installations went up, the

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artwork went up. It's 14 different artists. So everybody

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has such different ideas around this concept, which is so cool.

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And I was able to be at the at the gallery. So the show, for

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those of you who are local, Concord, New Hampshire, it's at

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the 11th letter writing gallery. It's 146 North Main street

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downtown, right downtown, and you'll see it. It's like, right

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next door to the old runner's alley. Now marathon sports, it's

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like right there. So please come see the show. And this Friday

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May 8, which is the day after the anniversary of my mother's

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death, is when we are having the opening reception from 5:30pm to

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7:30pm if you're local, I would love to see you come hang.

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Out, see the art, meet the artist, talk to us, like all the

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stuff. Okay, so here's the thing that happened. I'm going to get

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into the story now. So I was there. We had put the INS my

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pieces, like a mixed media piece installation. So that piece,

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like, goes up and the doors open, and all the other like

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that. Everybody, you know, everybody's artwork is all over

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the walls. It's fantastic. So I, I was there towards the end of

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the day, like, probably from like 630 to eight or whatever,

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and I was hanging out with Jocelyn Wynn, who owns the

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space. She owns the gallery, and some folks came in off the

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street because it was, like downtown, like in town. Conced

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It was their first Friday. So the first Friday of the month,

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from like may to, I think it's November, they have like events,

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and some of the shops are open later and whatever. So it was a

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lot. There was like live music going on. There was all kinds of

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events, all kinds of things happening on the surrounding

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streets. So people were like wandering in, and at one point I

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was just sitting there, you know, or standing there talking

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to Jocelyn, and these people came in, and they're, like,

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looking around the gallery. They're looking, they're reading

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the different artists statements, like all this stuff,

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and then they come up to my piece. Now, of course, they have

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no idea. I mean, they you would have had to kind of look kind of

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closely to make the connection between, like, the pictures on

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my piece, and, like, turning around and seeing me and going,

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Oh yeah, like, that's the artist. Really, that's the

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person. But so it was really interesting. And I don't want to

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tell you exactly what my piece is, because I want you to come

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and see it. But for those of you who are not local, if you want

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to see it at some point, let me know, and I'll send you some

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pictures after the show comes down, or I'll put it on my

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Facebook page, or whatever. You can go check it out. But what

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was really interesting is that my piece is really like, How can

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I describe it? Think of it as like a trailer, or not even a

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teaser. But like, you know how there's a trailer to a movie,

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there's like a preview, like a Movie Preview. This is like a

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preview to, like the opening chapters, like of my book. So

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this is like a nod, obviously, to my mother's story, her life

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story, her death story, and then me becoming a writer and so, and

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that's what I'll kind of like say. So it's this pretty cool

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installation piece, but you have to be curious, like you have to

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lean in, like you have to read this thing and, like, look at

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the pictures and connect the dots. It's about kind of being

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like a detective, in a way. So these folks came in. One guy

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sat's reading my artist statement, and these two women

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are kind of looking at this thing, and there's, you know,

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everything in this writing in this gallery in particular, it's

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not a normal, quote, unquote, like, like, Art Gallery. It's a

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writing gallery. So any piece of art that is hanging in this

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place has to have some sort of text or words or writing in it,

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like, that's what makes it so cool. There's, I've never heard

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or seen of any other person having a writing gallery. So

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kudos to to Jocelyn, because this is wicked goal. So you

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know, there's pictures in my piece, there's words in my

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piece, but you have to, like, like, again, be curious, lean in

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and read it, start to connect the dots. So these women are

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looking at it, and they just read this one thing on my piece,

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and they just go, like, oh. And they suck their teeth, and

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they're like, this is awful, or this is too bad, or whatever

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they're saying. Now, again, I'm behind them, Jocelyn is looking

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at me, and I'm just like watching them watch my piece,

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and it's such a trip. It's a really weird thing. I imagine

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it's what it's like when you know if you're an actor or

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whatever, and you're kind of incognito, and you're in a movie

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theater watching people and responding to your work, but

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like, they don't know that you're in the room. So I'm just

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kind of standing there watching them take it in. And I'm just

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fascinated. I will say this about myself. You know, even

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when my sweetie, my sweetie, my husband, right, is a

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professional musician, and even when he's up on stage doing a

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show, I love watching him do his craft and perform and all of

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that, that's amazing number one. But one of my favorite, like, my

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second favorite thing about a big show like that is watching

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people react to the band, the music, his artistry, his

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singing, like, all this stuff like that. To me, is so much fun

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to look around and see the connection of like, of how

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they're feeling and how they're experiencing the show, right?

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Like, that's one of my favorite things. So watching people

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interact with things I find fascinating. So I'm standing

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there and I'm watching them, and they're kind of like, oh, this

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is awful. Not that my piece was awful, but what they were seeing

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and reading whatever, but there was, like, This detachment to

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it, right? And I found this so fascinating. And they were just

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like, Oh, yeah. And, you know, like it's like when you watch

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the news. I've talked about this before, but one of the things

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that happens when we're in a society, when so much crazy shit

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happens every day, or so much awful shit is going down, or,

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you know, right now, it's a pretty intense time to be alive

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every new day is another thing we're.

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You're just heartbroken or devastated or fucking horrified

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or whatever, right? And so it can be really easy to just do

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that teeth sucking thing where you look at the TV and you see

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this awful news story about whatever, right, war, famine,

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loss, rape, murder, whatever, just children suffering, animal

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suffering, the planet, right, whatever's going on. And it's

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really easy for us to just kind of go,

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like, suck our teeth and go, Oh, that's too bad, and to get a

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little numb, to get a little numb to like, what's going on,

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to not really lean in or interact. And I understand that

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sometimes it can be a little overwhelming, right? You feel

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like you're being bombarded with too much bad news all at once.

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But again, to relate to this story. So I see these people

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kind of looking at this thing, and they're acknowledging it,

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but I also get on a certain level that they're not quite

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getting it. So then this really interesting things happens. So

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Jocelyn looks over at me and says, Can I tell them? And I

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said, Yeah. And so Jocelyn goes, this is her, this is the artist.

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And they're like, oh. And then I point to a couple. They're like,

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Oh, this number, this figure, it's something that's on on my

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art piece, right? And I lean forward and I go, yeah. And

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Jocelyn says, this is, like the introduction to her book. This

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is like a trailer for her book, like a teaser, like an in, you

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know, these chapters. And they're like, oh. And then I

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lean and I go, this right. Here is my mother. I go, and that's

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me. And they go, oh. And you guys, when I tell you, like,

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boom, I snap my fingers, like, boom. Immediately, they get

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wicked curious. They lean in. They actually start interacting

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with the piece they're reading it now, while this is going on

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with those two women, the other guy starts talking to us, so I'm

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kind of now engaging with him, and he's talking about a short

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story he wrote, whatever. But I can hear the women, right?

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Because writers are, yeah,

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writers are some of the best e drop is on the planet. So while

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I'm kind of listening to this guy, well, they were really,

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like, they were Jocelyn, and he were talking, and I was kind of

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standing there, but I was listening to the women,

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and I could tell, like, now they're really engaging with it,

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and they're reading things to each other, and they're

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commenting. And their whole energy, their whole vibe shifts.

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Their emotions start to get engaged, and I realize I'm like,

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oh, so what was the moment when things change and just stay with

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me. Stay with me here, if you're listening, because this is going

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to matter in a minute. I'm like, what changed? And I'm like, Oh,

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the second that it got personal, the second that they could see

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that this thing wasn't just something outside of them or

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separate, that there was a real human being attached to that

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story, and that human being was right in front of them. I was

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like, oh, so as soon as it became personal, they could

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attach it to a person that like, looked like them, right, that

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they could maybe relate to. Then everything changed, and it

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stopped. It stopped just being a teeth sucking, like, Oh, too

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bad. And being like, oh. And it got me to thinking about today's

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topic, which I'm calling like, the difference between sympathy,

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empathy and compassion. Now I can't speak for you because I'm

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not you, but I can say for me that I have journeyed through

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each of these different things, right, sympathy, empathy and

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compassion, and I have seen myself in relation to places and

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things and people and situations and how I may or may not

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respond, and one of the things I'm definitely trying to do

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while I'm still alive on the planet is always to expand my

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capacity for compassion, because it's different than empathy and

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sympathy. And I think that we're not always taught what the

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difference is we don't understand or we can't feel,

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necessarily, because we don't know. And I just thought this is

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a really powerful opportunity to learn, because once we learn

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this, we can't unlearn it or unsee it, and it will change our

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lives if we are willing to pay attention and to practice this

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stuff. So I wanted to share this with you, because I saw it in

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real time, and the example I just gave you about the women,

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and as soon as it became personal, they changed. It's

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because they changed a state. They went from sympathy to

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empathy to compassion, and it was very powerful to see it

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happen right before my eyes in real time. And I think once I'm

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done kind of explaining this or sharing this with you, and you

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might already know all the differences, and that's great,

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but look at repetition is the mother of all learning. And we

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can all, we could all use, I think, an opportunity to grow

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our compassion muscle. So for those of you who are listeners,

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I'm going.

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Talk about this, but for the watches at home, because I know

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a lot of you watch on YouTube. Well, I shouldn't say a lot, but

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some of you watch on YouTube. I'm gonna also hold up a little

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graphic from Susan David that's gonna show you the difference

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between these because some of us are audio like verbal learners.

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Some of us we learn by seeing, and some of us learn by doing.

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Some of us are all three, okay? So here's the difference. So

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sympathy is when you feel pity towards another person's

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misfortune, you might feel sorrow towards their their

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misfortune. So you can, kind of, like, get a sense of like, what

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the other person like. You feel pity for them. Let me put it

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that way. Okay, you feel pity for them. So I'm going to just

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try to make these first introductions pretty small.

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Empathy is a feeling and understanding of another

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person's emotions, like what they're going through, what

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they're experiencing, as if it was our own. So you can feel

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what a person is feeling. Sympathy is again, feeling pity

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or sorrow for somebody, for their misfortune, their

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situation, whatever's happened to them. But empathy is when we

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can actually feel it as if it's our own suffering, our own

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situation. Compassion, and I'm going to keep going through

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these in different ways, because I learned through repetition. So

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hopefully this is helpful for you too. Compassion, though, is

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more than just a feeling. Compassion is the action

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oriented desire to actually alleviate somebody else's

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suffering. So where sympathy you might have again pity or sorrow

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for the suffering, empathy is when you can feel it as if it's

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your own suffering. Compassion is the action kind of base form

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of this where you have a desire inside of you to alleviate their

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suffering. It is the willingness to relieve another person's

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suffering, or an animal suffering, or whatever, and

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that's a really big distinction. So sympathy is when we feel for

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somebody else. Empathy is when we feel with them, right?

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Compassion is when we act to help.

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Now, I don't know about you, but whenever I get this refresher,

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I'm like, Oh yeah, that is so good to remember. And it also

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explains to me,

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like, more clearly, it gives me an insight into myself, more and

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more and more, why I love to be a problem solver. It kind of

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clicked in for me when I was thinking about this. It's like,

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Oh, I like to be a problem solver because I'd like to take

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action because I cannot stand to bear like i It's not that I

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can't bear it. I can bear it, and I have beared it, and I will

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bear it, but I don't like it like I can't, oh, I can't stand

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when other beings and other people are suffering. Now I also

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have learned over my 57 plus years heading towards 58

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that sometimes we can't alleviate another person's

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suffering. To take away their suffering, takes away their

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capacity to understand that they can help themselves, that they

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can't do it. So it doesn't make sense. It's like idiot

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compassion sometimes when you just try to swoop in and fix

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everything for everybody, and you rob them of the opportunity

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to understand who they are and what they're capable of. But I

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also don't believe in watching somebody suffer needlessly, if I

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can do something to help now I'm not talking about right. There

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are times when, let's just say somebody's in the throes of

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addictions or whatever, like you can't make it so that other

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people don't I always say, we can't rob people from the

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opportunity right to learn about themselves. I think we do them a

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disservice, and we cannot save people from the consequences of

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being themselves sometimes, okay. So sympathy is when you

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feel for somebody else. Empathy is when you feel along with

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them, right, like you get it. Compassion is when you act to do

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something about it and to help. So sympathy is a reaction.

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Empathy is more about that connection piece, right? But

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compassion is a solution. Compassion is when we look at

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something and we want to do something about it. So for

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example, let's say those women were like, looking at my piece,

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and they saw one of the things on my piece that said, I'm being

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vague on purpose, but it says something, right? Then they

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might feel motivated to go, Oh, my God, that statistic is

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horrible. I want to do something about that. Maybe I can

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volunteer. Maybe I can learn more about violence against

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women or whatever the thing is, right? It's like we feel

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compelled to act when we are showing true compassion. And so

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I'm going to dive into these a little bit deeper. Because

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again, I like to like, I really like to drive a point home. I

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don't say these things because I think you're stupid, dear

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listener. I just know my own knucklehead. And sometimes I

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like to get different examples. So again, think of sympathy as

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pity. And.

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Empathy is understanding and compassion is action, okay? But

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with the thing, with sympathy, what it does is sympathy kind of

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creates a little bit of distance. So when you have

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feeling for somebody else, like they're going through something

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awful, it's like watching the news, and you just go, oh, isn't

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that so awful, right? So you might have a feeling for, I'm

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doing little quotes for somebody, but it's usually with

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a little bit of pity, or there's a little bit of distance between

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the two of you, like you're not you're not close. And this is

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kind of like in real life, we might like, let's say, Send,

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like, a sympathy card or an empathy card, a condolence card,

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like, if somebody dies, you just send the card. So it indicates

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that you give a shit. It indicates that you care. But it

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doesn't mean that you're, like, getting in the ring with them

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and like sharing the emotion with them. It's just like you're

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acknowledging it. Okay? Empathy is when we have that true

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understanding, and it involves, like, taking a perspective of

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what it would be like to be in their shoes, right? You feel

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along with them, and I'm sure like you have experienced this

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in your own life, right? It's like being it's like putting

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yourself in somebody else's shoes, or you feel it in your

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own skin, what it's like to be in that situation and what

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they're going through. And I love this little piece here. It

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says, what empathy does is it fuels connection, whereas

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sympathy can sometimes feel distant. Empathy doesn't always

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lead to action, but empathy is a really good bridge towards

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compassion. That's like the beginning step of compassion is

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having that understanding. But here's the thing that happens,

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and maybe you've experienced this yourself,

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especially in the caring professions. So whether that's

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therapists, psychologists, nurses,

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hospice workers, whatever, right? EMTs, police, whatever,

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when you are in the service business, when you're in the

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caring profession,

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you can oftentimes end up with empathetic distress. So like,

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you get overwhelmed because or social workers, right? That's a

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perfect example. A lot of times you're involved in these systems

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of care where you're trying to help others, but it just feels

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hopeless. It feels like, Oh my God, I feel all this empathy,

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but I don't have the power to change their situation, I don't

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have the ability to take action on their behalf. There's nothing

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I can do. So you just bombarded on a daily basis of deep, deep,

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deep feeling, right? This is why, when people say, Oh, it's

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so hard to be alive, because I'm an empath. I think we're all

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empaths. I think we're all empathetic. I mean, unless

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you're like a serial killer or have, you know, a sociopath, and

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you don't have feeling towards others, right? But we can end up

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in a place where we have empathetic distress. Another key

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interesting thing about empathy, though, is it often is self

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oriented, right? It's like we're focusing on how we might feel in

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that situation where compassion is really other oriented. So

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let's jump to compassion now again. So compassion is like so

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where empathy is sharing the feelings of others like you can

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feel it along with them. Compassion is when you have a

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wish to help them.

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I love this. When you have a wish to make a difference, when

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you have a wish, like, I always say, like, wherever you go, may

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your presence, your energy, your love, be a blessing. May you

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being there, may it leave people differently than how you found

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them. Something occurs in that where you take maybe some sort

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of action, where you are a helper, right? So it goes beyond

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compassion. Goes beyond empathy. It goes beyond just

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understanding, okay, it's you wanting to actively, somehow,

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some way, alleviate the suffering. So it's often I love

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this. I wrote this down. Compassion is often described as

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empathy in action, and where compassion is proactive and

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rewarding, it encourages pro social actions to help others

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also listen to this statistic, compassion is often seen by the

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ones who are suffering as more helpful helpful than empathy

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alone, because it involves actively addressing needs, and

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studies indicate that compassion training reduces negative

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emotions and increases positive ones, because there's often a

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negative effect when it's just empathy alone, again and again

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and again and again. So while empathy can often lead us to

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feeling, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but maybe

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you feel like drained or a little overwhelmed by other

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people's pain, compassion offers kind of a built in,

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like protective mechanism, because you're focusing on

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solutions, right? And that's what I love about being a

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problem solving and saying, Okay, this is my situation. I'm

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like, Okay, how can we help that whole thing? How can I help? Is

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really.

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Really, really a big question to ask. So when we think about

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these again, sympathy, empathy and compassion, sympathy is

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about having pity for it's very low action. It can feel

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distance. And an example of this might be like, I'm sorry for

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your loss. Okay, if I'm giving you an example, empathy is a

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feeling with it has more moderate action, and it

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establishes more of a deep connection. And you might say

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something like, with empathy, I understand your pain, okay,

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where compassion, the focus is on helping, like doing

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something, the action is action oriented, so it's a high level

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of action. And your question might be, how can I help? So

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that really distinguishes it. It's not just again. It's not

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just going, Oh, that's too bad, or sucking our teeth, or saying,

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Yeah, I can understand. It's, what can I do about this? And

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that's like, such a powerful, powerful thing. Now I'm going to

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hold up now the graphic detail. This is the visual that I love.

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This is from Susan David, a fantastic writer, and it says

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what sympathy, empathy and compassion look like. So in the

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first frame, it's just an individual, which we'll just

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say, that's you, okay? So sympathy, if you're listening to

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this and you're not watching, I'll explain what's happening.

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So there's a little green guy, and there's a little pink

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person, and the little pink person. It's a little shape.

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It's a triangle, okay, just, we'll call it. A person is

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sitting inside of a circle all by itself, and the green guys

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outside it just kind of looking down at them, and it says,

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basically, sympathy says, I'm sorry you're in pain. And it's

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distant. It's outside the circle.

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Empathy shows the little green guy stepping one foot inside the

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circle with the little pink triangle.

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They're really cute, actually. And this one says, I can

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practice perspective taking by imagining what this pain might

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feel like. And it's a more shared experience. And the

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compassionate circle, it's so cute. The little green guy is

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wrapping his arms around the little pink person. It's like,

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it's like a little bit of a love hug, but they're both inside the

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circle. And what compassion says is us suffering, and I will do

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what I can to help. And this one is connected and action

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oriented. It's so fantastic. I'm gonna like, I hope you just pop

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on to see this. Susan, David, it's a great thing, and it's

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about emotional agility, having the emotional agility to

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understand where you are in this context. Are you somebody who's

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only capable, usually, of showing sympathy? Are you

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somebody who's overwhelmed because you're so empathetic?

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Are you somebody who actually gets in the ring and tries to do

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something to help. And one of the things I think we can take a

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look at this is going back to the art story, and these people

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viewing my art and viewing my story from a distance. It wasn't

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until they acknowledged me and saw me as a real person that

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they could relate to what was going on up on my art piece, and

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that's when they leaned in, is when they made it personal to

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what not just personal meaning it was them, but they put it to

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an actual person standing in front of them. And it got me to

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thinking about like, how sometimes people can't feel

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empathy, they can't feel compassion, they might not even

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feel sympathy, because they don't care about it until it

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becomes personal, like until it affects them. Now, we saw this

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in Nazi Germany. We saw this in the Holocaust. We see it all the

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time around us with racism and misogyny and sexism and wars and

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stuff like that, where we stand apart from it, and we're like,

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Oh, yeah. And we don't actually start to give a shit until it

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starts to knock on your door and threaten you and your family.

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And then we see all that my kids, my family, my whatever,

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and it's like, yeah, but it's not just your kids, your

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whatever, your family. It's all of us, right? And sometimes,

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until it becomes personal, or until a person experiences it

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themselves. They're not worried about it, they don't think about

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it, they don't want to do anything about it, and they

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certainly don't feel moved by it. And I think of this often,

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like I've had people say to me right over time,

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and I give them credit for acknowledging it, but a lot of

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times, people can't feel those things or understand those

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things, because they'll say, I hadn't gone through it. And

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they'll say to me, I've had people say to me, until I lost

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my beloved dog, until I lost my beloved pet, my furry kid,

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right? My animal, that was like my guy, my person, my, you know,

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my being. I had no idea, and they said to me, I had somebody

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say to me, I was often a little bit flippant with people, and

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they'd say, it's just an animal, it's just a cat, it's just a

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dog. And they're like, until I lost my own and realized the

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amount of grief that I experienced. Some people will

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say to me, I had no idea. You know, I used to look at my

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friend and be like, Oh.

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Oh, my God, can you just get over it already? Or they'd roll

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their eyes at somebody saying, like, oh, you know what? Your

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mother died, like this long ago, your father died, or your grand

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it was just a grandparent. They were old, right? All the stupid

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shit that humans say, and then they'll say, I didn't realize

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until I went through my own loss, just how debilitating that

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kind of grief can be. I can't believe how affected I am, and

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it's unfortunate that a lot of us are built that way, where you

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know you can't really feel something or understand

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something, and so you go through it yourself. So this episode is

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an is an invitation to say, like, don't wait for that. We

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have to practice building our compassion muscle, and some of

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the things that we can kind of look out for, right is notice.

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Here's some things to notice. I wrote these down so I wouldn't

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forget. Notice when you judge or minimize other people's

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suffering.

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Notice when you look at somebody else's suffering and you say

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things like, it was just a dog, it was just a cat. That happened

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so long ago, I wouldn't be that upset about that, because here's

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the thing, they're not you.

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Everybody responds to things differently. Everybody's

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capacity for being able to get through things right? That's

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where those all those old sayings like, pull yourself up

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by your Bootstrap, get over it already. Blah, blah, blah,

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right? It's like we don't get to determine or judge another

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person's process for suffering and grief. It doesn't matter if

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we would handle it differently, or we wouldn't let that affect

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us, or we wouldn't do that that's very self oriented, so

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notice when you judge or minimize the suffering of

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others.

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Notice when you dismiss your own suffering,

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when you kind of roll your eyes or make fun of yourself or blow

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it off, or you condemn yourself, because I should be over this by

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now. This shouldn't be such a big deal.

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So notice these things right, when you diminish or judge other

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suffering, and when you dismiss your own also, though, notice

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when compassion comes like more easily for you? Is it more

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easily towards animals? Is it more easily towards old people

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or babies? Because I'll tell you this, if we see an old person

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fall down or a child fall down, most people are much quicker to

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react than if you just see another human being. It's almost

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as if our suffering isn't on the outside. If it's not right in

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your face, we can't empathize or have compassion for

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we might actually actively turn away. I don't want to get

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involved,

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so notice when your compassion comes easily, and notice when it

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doesn't. These are great things to like, pay attention to. Okay,

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also,

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I noticed, I know this because it's somebody who has lived with

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irritable bowel syndrome for a really long time who has an

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affliction or disorder or whatever that you can't see on

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the outside, and all kinds of people are walking around with

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illnesses or diseases or situations that we can't see on

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the outside. We don't know that somebody just lost their mother,

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we don't know that somebody just got an awful diagnosis. We don't

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know that somebody's going through a divorce or a breakup.

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We don't know that somebody just lost their job, etc, etc. We

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shouldn't have to have people walking around with signs or

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thought bubbles above their head announcing their grief, their

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suffering, whatever, for us to have compassion for each other,

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this is a muscle that we really need to grow. You know, I

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believe this. You know, when I look back and I think about and

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again, I know I talk about them all the time. But when I think

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about like, you know, go all the way, go, go down through

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spirituality and religion, go back to Jesus and how much

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compassion Jesus had for others. You can look at Mother Tracy.

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You can look at all kinds of saints and mystics and sages,

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right? But we can also look at like, more modern day mystics,

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like, I look at Bob Ross I look at Mr. Rogers, right? They were

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trying to teach us from a very young age to have compassion,

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right? For for each other, for ourselves, for animals, for our

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environment, right? They were, they were like the powerhouses

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of compassion. So seriously, go back. Watch yourself some Mr.

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Rogers episodes. Listen to Bob Ross right, like put it in the

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background, listen to them talking to you. It's so

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important. And so this is a question. So this is a question

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that I have for you. Why do people have to be showing

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distress to earn our empathy and compassion?

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Or why do we have to have a personal connection to someone

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or a personal connection to a cause

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to care about it,

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and I can't answer it for you. These are personal questions

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that I'm putting out to you that because I asked myself these

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questions too. These are things that I like bounce around in my

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head. You know? Why do people have to show.

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Distress. Why can't we just naturally extend compassion? So

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I highly encourage you, if you want to grow that compassion

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muscle, to go through those things of noticing when the ones

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I just listed a moment ago, right? But also, if you go back

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to Episode 243,

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I did a whole episode on loving kindness, a loving kindness

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meditation. It's a powerful meditation. You can also just do

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something really simple, of setting an intention of

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compassion when you first wake up in the morning, like, I'm

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going to move to the world with more compassion. People don't

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need to be suffering and down, you know, down like they don't

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have to be unhoused and standing on the corner for me to have

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compassion for them, people don't have to be outwardly

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expressing their suffering in order for me to care. I can just

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move to the world with kind of an assumption that most people

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are going through something, and so I'm naturally going to

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practice trying to extend compassion and loving kindness

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towards them, right? That's what Metsa is. Metsa loving kindness,

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you know. And we can develop our compassion like a muscle every

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time you sit down to do your DSP, your daily spiritual

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practice, you can set the intention of increasing your

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compassion for others and for yourself.

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We set the intention so that our daily spiritual practices are

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not just self serving, that they have, you know, connection to

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others beyond ourselves, that they go out more globally. And

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we can even start with just a simple meditation of setting the

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intention that you want to grow your compassion. And you feel

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like, I always say, like a beautiful ball of golden light

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or a pink light, or a white light, or whatever light makes

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you happy, emanating from your heart. And first it just kind of

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covers you and your whole self, and then it emanates out and

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maybe starts to cover the people within your home, your furry

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kids, your human kids, your sweetie, whatever. You can just

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imagine it growing. And then you can imagine this golden light

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reaching out to your family and your friends,

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and imagine that they can feel the love that you're extending.

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They can feel the compassion that you're extending. And then

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you can extend it. It's very similar to like a loving

Unknown:

kindness, Medicaid meditation. And then you can extend it to,

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you know, people you love. And then you can extend it out a

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little bit wider. Then you can eventually extend it out to

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people that maybe you have a disagreement with,

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maybe people you actively don't like. And just imagine them

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receiving that golden light. Imagine that golden light

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extending from your heart to theirs right and just imagine

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how different the world would be if we were all extending that

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compassion to each other all the time.

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I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying it's not hard,

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because actively, we have preferences and personalities

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and just people we don't necessarily love or like,

Unknown:

but

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it's so helpful for us to like, get it out there. And remember,

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compassion is paired with action. It asks the question,

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How can I help? It goes beyond just, Oh, that's too bad. It

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goes it goes into being action oriented, right? Wanting to

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actually do something to alleviate the suffering of

Unknown:

others. What can I do? How can I help? It's one of the first

Unknown:

questions I try to ask. You know, when we have a nest call

Unknown:

or whatever, I'll get on the call and I'll say, okay, how can

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I help? How can I be helpful? Right? That that is my great

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desire, one of my great desires in this lifetime. So you guys, I

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hope this was helpful to you in some way. If you're listening to

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this, you're probably, if you're listening to this on the first

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day that it comes out, you were listening on May 7, 19. No, not,

Unknown:

not 19. May 7, 2026, this is the 45th anniversary of my mother's

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death. So this is also a little love letter to my mom to be

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thinking about compassion, because I really do believe

Unknown:

that, you know, if the guy that killed my mother could have had

Unknown:

more compassion for her as a human being,

Unknown:

then she would still be alive. So this is a really important

Unknown:

thing. It's something that is near and dear to my heart. If

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you live locally, you guys and you're able to please come,

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please come to the opening reception on Friday May 8 at the

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11th letter writing gallery 146 North Main Street in downtown

Unknown:

conkin. 530 to 7:30pm the artist will be there to talk about

Unknown:

their work and to, you know, just to interact with people or

Unknown:

whatever. And I'd love to have you there. So thank you so much

Unknown:

for tuning in. I know this is a little bit of a longer one. I

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hope it was helpful in some way. And just know that I super duper

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appreciate you for being here. If you can still hear the sound

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of my voice, thank you for hanging in there with me and

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look wherever you go out in the world. May you leave the people

Unknown:

and the animals and the environment and yourself better

Unknown:

than how you found it wherever you go. May your presence, your

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energy, your love and your compassion be a blessing. Bye.

Unknown:

Hey, thanks so much for listening to the show. I really

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love spending some time together. Now, if you dig the

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show or know someone that could benefit from this episode,

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please share it with them and help me to spread the good word

Unknown:

and the love. And if you want to be in the know about all of my

Unknown:

upcoming shenani.

Unknown:

Begins head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign,

Unknown:

up and join my list. It'll be wicked fun to stay in touch.

Unknown:

Bye. You.

Show artwork for The Karen Kenney Show

About the Podcast

The Karen Kenney Show
Karen Kenney is a certified Spiritual Mentor, Writer, Podcaster and Coach. She’s known for her dynamic storytelling, her sense of humor, her Boston accent and her no-bullshit approach to spirituality, self development, and transformational work.

She’s been a yoga teacher for 25 years, is a Certified Gateless Writing Instructor, and is also an author, speaker, retreat leader and the host of The Karen Kenney Show podcast.

A curious human being, life-long learner and an entrepreneur for 20+ years, KK brings a down-to-earth perspective to the spiritual principles and practical tools that create powerful shifts in people’s lives, relationships and businesses.

She works with people individually in her 1:1 program THE QUEST - and in her group program THE NEST.

Her approach brings together tools that coach both the conscious and unconscious mind. She combines Brain Science, Subconscious Reprogramming, Integrative Hypnosis, and Spiritual Mentorship to help clients regulate their nervous systems, remove blocks, rewrite stories, rewire beliefs, and reimagine what’s possible!

Karen wants her clients to have their own lived experience with spirituality and to not just “take her word for it”. She encourages them to discover and deepen their own personal connection to Self, Source and Spirit in tangible and actionable ways.

Her “Your Story To Your Glory” process helps people to shift their minds from an old thought system of fear to one of Love - using compassion, empirical evidence and humor, her work is effective, efficient, and wicked fun!

KK’s been a student of A Course in Miracles for 30 years, has been vegan for 20+ years, and believes that a little kindness can make a big difference.

KK WEBSITE: www.karenkenney.com

About your host

Profile picture for Karen Kenney

Karen Kenney

Spiritual Mentor and writer Karen Kenney uses dynamic storytelling and humor to bring a down-to-earth, no-BS perspective to spirituality and self-development.

Bringing together tools that coach both the conscious and unconscious mind, Karen also helps clients deepen their personal connection to Self and Source, in relatable, practical, and actionable ways, so they can discover their unique understanding of spirituality.

Her practice combines neuroscience, subconscious reprogramming, Integrative Hypnosis, somatic work, Spiritual Mentoring, and other holistic modalities to help regulate the nervous system, rewrite old stories, remove blocks, and reimagine what’s possible.

A passionate yoga teacher for 25+ years, a longtime student of A Course in Miracles, and a Gateless Writing instructor, Karen is also a frequent speaker, podcast guest, and retreat leader. She coaches both individuals and groups via her programs The Quest and The Nest.

With The Karen Kenney Podcast, she encourages listeners to shift from a thought system of fear - to one of love, compassion, and personal responsibility.

CONNECT WITH KAREN:
Website: http://karenkenney.com/
Podcast: https://www.karenkenney.com/podcast
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/karenkenneylive/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karenkenneylive/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@KarenKenney