THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SYMPATHY, EMPATHY, AND COMPASSION

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It's the Karen Kenney show.

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Hey you guys. Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm super

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duper excited to be here with you. Oh my god, on this

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beautiful day, and I wanted to share, let's just dive right

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into this sucker. I wanted to share a little story with you of

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something that happened, and I want to share it with you,

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because this thing that happened got me thinking. It got me

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thinking, it got me feeling, it got me thinking about other

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people, and it also got me thinking about my own behavior.

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And so, as usual, I'm going to start with a little story, and

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then we're going to, we're going to dive into how this all

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applies to us collectively, right, as a people, for you

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individually, to maybe do some considering about my whole thing

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with the Karen Kenney show is I maybe I should make the

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assumption, but I do kind of make the assumption that if

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you're listening to this sucker, It's because either you're a

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loyal listener and you dig the show, you love the show, and I

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really appreciate that, but you're the kind of person who

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wants to kind of take a look at themselves, that you have some

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depth, that you're curious, that you're a lifelong learner, that

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you don't want to walk around being an asshole, right, like a

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selfish asshole caught up in our own stuff, right? We're curious

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about transformation and learning and growing and

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discovering and all that stuff. Okay, so whether it's self

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development or transformation work, spiritual work, whatever

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you want to call it, you're just curious about what it is to be a

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human being and and how you can, you know,

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really show up as your truest self and your best self, and it

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doesn't mean we don't still fuck up and we don't make mistakes,

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and none of us are perfect, okay, but we have a desire to

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show up as the love that we are, and sometimes we're clumsy and

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sometimes we blow it. But you might be very new here. Maybe

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somebody sent you to listen to the show. And if you're new

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here, welcome. I'm so happy to have you. And if you don't like

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this, this show or this episode, I mean, that's the beautiful

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thing of being an adult, is you don't have to listen. You can

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just be like out of here. See you later. But thank you for

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giving it a shot and giving it a try. I am not everybody's cup of

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tea. Okay, so here's the here's the deal. If you listen to last

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week's episode, I was telling you that whole great story, that

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Kismet story of how I got asked to be a part of an art show, and

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it's called, it's called the mothership, the art show. I'm

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only telling you that because it's needed in context for this

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story. It's called the mothership, and the fact that

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it's happening in May of 2026 was a really big deal that I was

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invited to submit a piece on mother in the month of May. So

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as many of you know, if you're a friend of mine, or if you're a

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loyal listener, you know, my mother was murdered when I was

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12 years old in the month of May, May 7, 1981 so this year

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2026 is her 45th it's the 45th anniversary of her death, but

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within a two week period of time, it's basically like the

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anniversary of my mother's death. It's the anniversary of

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my mother and my stepfather's wedding. It is my mother's

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birthday. It's Mother's Day, like all like May is like mom

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month. You know what I'm saying. So the fact that I got offered

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an opportunity to do something around this concept or idea of

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mother or the mother ship, or mother ring, Mother Nature, the

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whole thing was just really, really beautiful, divine timing.

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And because it's the 45th anniversary, I wanted to do

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something special. I didn't know what that was going to look

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like, right? I have my yearly rituals. I have my annual things

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that I always do, but with this being, like a big anniversary, I

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was like, Oh, I hope I can do something, you know, a little

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extra cool or extra special, and and

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then all of a sudden, I got this, I got this opportunity to

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do that, so I'm pretty excited. So okay, but here's the thing,

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the show is running from May 1 to, like around May 30, right?

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So last Friday, this past Friday, May 1,

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we you know, the wall, the installations went up, the

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artwork went up. It's 14 different artists. So everybody

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has such different ideas around this concept, which is so cool.

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And I was able to be at the at the gallery. So the show, for

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those of you who are local, Concord, New Hampshire, it's at

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the 11th letter writing gallery. It's 146 North Main street

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downtown, right downtown, and you'll see it. It's like, right

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next door to the old runner's alley. Now marathon sports, it's

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like right there. So please come see the show. And this Friday

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May 8, which is the day after the anniversary of my mother's

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death, is when we are having the opening reception from 5:30pm to

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7:30pm if you're local, I would love to see you come hang.

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Out, see the art, meet the artist, talk to us, like all the

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stuff. Okay, so here's the thing that happened. I'm going to get

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into the story now. So I was there. We had put the INS my

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pieces, like a mixed media piece installation. So that piece,

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like, goes up and the doors open, and all the other like

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that. Everybody, you know, everybody's artwork is all over

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the walls. It's fantastic. So I, I was there towards the end of

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the day, like, probably from like 630 to eight or whatever,

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and I was hanging out with Jocelyn Wynn, who owns the

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space. She owns the gallery, and some folks came in off the

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street because it was, like downtown, like in town. Conced

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It was their first Friday. So the first Friday of the month,

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from like may to, I think it's November, they have like events,

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and some of the shops are open later and whatever. So it was a

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lot. There was like live music going on. There was all kinds of

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events, all kinds of things happening on the surrounding

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streets. So people were like wandering in, and at one point I

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was just sitting there, you know, or standing there talking

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to Jocelyn, and these people came in, and they're, like,

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looking around the gallery. They're looking, they're reading

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the different artists statements, like all this stuff,

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and then they come up to my piece. Now, of course, they have

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no idea. I mean, they you would have had to kind of look kind of

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closely to make the connection between, like, the pictures on

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my piece, and, like, turning around and seeing me and going,

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Oh yeah, like, that's the artist. Really, that's the

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person. But so it was really interesting. And I don't want to

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tell you exactly what my piece is, because I want you to come

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and see it. But for those of you who are not local, if you want

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to see it at some point, let me know, and I'll send you some

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pictures after the show comes down, or I'll put it on my

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Facebook page, or whatever. You can go check it out. But what

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was really interesting is that my piece is really like, How can

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I describe it? Think of it as like a trailer, or not even a

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teaser. But like, you know how there's a trailer to a movie,

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there's like a preview, like a Movie Preview. This is like a

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preview to, like the opening chapters, like of my book. So

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this is like a nod, obviously, to my mother's story, her life

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story, her death story, and then me becoming a writer and so, and

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that's what I'll kind of like say. So it's this pretty cool

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installation piece, but you have to be curious, like you have to

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lean in, like you have to read this thing and, like, look at

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the pictures and connect the dots. It's about kind of being

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like a detective, in a way. So these folks came in. One guy

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sat's reading my artist statement, and these two women

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are kind of looking at this thing, and there's, you know,

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everything in this writing in this gallery in particular, it's

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not a normal, quote, unquote, like, like, Art Gallery. It's a

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writing gallery. So any piece of art that is hanging in this

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place has to have some sort of text or words or writing in it,

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like, that's what makes it so cool. There's, I've never heard

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or seen of any other person having a writing gallery. So

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kudos to to Jocelyn, because this is wicked goal. So you

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know, there's pictures in my piece, there's words in my

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piece, but you have to, like, like, again, be curious, lean in

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and read it, start to connect the dots. So these women are

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looking at it, and they just read this one thing on my piece,

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and they just go, like, oh. And they suck their teeth, and

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they're like, this is awful, or this is too bad, or whatever

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they're saying. Now, again, I'm behind them, Jocelyn is looking

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at me, and I'm just like watching them watch my piece,

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and it's such a trip. It's a really weird thing. I imagine

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it's what it's like when you know if you're an actor or

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whatever, and you're kind of incognito, and you're in a movie

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theater watching people and responding to your work, but

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like, they don't know that you're in the room. So I'm just

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kind of standing there watching them take it in. And I'm just

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fascinated. I will say this about myself. You know, even

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when my sweetie, my sweetie, my husband, right, is a

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professional musician, and even when he's up on stage doing a

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show, I love watching him do his craft and perform and all of

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that, that's amazing number one. But one of my favorite, like, my

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second favorite thing about a big show like that is watching

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people react to the band, the music, his artistry, his

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singing, like, all this stuff like that. To me, is so much fun

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to look around and see the connection of like, of how

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they're feeling and how they're experiencing the show, right?

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Like, that's one of my favorite things. So watching people

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interact with things I find fascinating. So I'm standing

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there and I'm watching them, and they're kind of like, oh, this

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is awful. Not that my piece was awful, but what they were seeing

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and reading whatever, but there was, like, This detachment to

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it, right? And I found this so fascinating. And they were just

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like, Oh, yeah. And, you know, like it's like when you watch

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the news. I've talked about this before, but one of the things

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that happens when we're in a society, when so much crazy shit

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happens every day, or so much awful shit is going down, or,

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you know, right now, it's a pretty intense time to be alive

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every new day is another thing we're.

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You're just heartbroken or devastated or fucking horrified

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or whatever, right? And so it can be really easy to just do

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that teeth sucking thing where you look at the TV and you see

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this awful news story about whatever, right, war, famine,

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loss, rape, murder, whatever, just children suffering, animal

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suffering, the planet, right, whatever's going on. And it's

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really easy for us to just kind of go,

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like, suck our teeth and go, Oh, that's too bad, and to get a

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little numb, to get a little numb to like, what's going on,

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to not really lean in or interact. And I understand that

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sometimes it can be a little overwhelming, right? You feel

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like you're being bombarded with too much bad news all at once.

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But again, to relate to this story. So I see these people

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kind of looking at this thing, and they're acknowledging it,

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but I also get on a certain level that they're not quite

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getting it. So then this really interesting things happens. So

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Jocelyn looks over at me and says, Can I tell them? And I

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said, Yeah. And so Jocelyn goes, this is her, this is the artist.

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And they're like, oh. And then I point to a couple. They're like,

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Oh, this number, this figure, it's something that's on on my

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art piece, right? And I lean forward and I go, yeah. And

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Jocelyn says, this is, like the introduction to her book. This

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is like a trailer for her book, like a teaser, like an in, you

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know, these chapters. And they're like, oh. And then I

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lean and I go, this right. Here is my mother. I go, and that's

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me. And they go, oh. And you guys, when I tell you, like,

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boom, I snap my fingers, like, boom. Immediately, they get

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wicked curious. They lean in. They actually start interacting

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with the piece they're reading it now, while this is going on

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with those two women, the other guy starts talking to us, so I'm

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kind of now engaging with him, and he's talking about a short

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story he wrote, whatever. But I can hear the women, right?

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Because writers are, yeah,

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writers are some of the best e drop is on the planet. So while

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I'm kind of listening to this guy, well, they were really,

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like, they were Jocelyn, and he were talking, and I was kind of

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standing there, but I was listening to the women,

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and I could tell, like, now they're really engaging with it,

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and they're reading things to each other, and they're

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commenting. And their whole energy, their whole vibe shifts.

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Their emotions start to get engaged, and I realize I'm like,

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oh, so what was the moment when things change and just stay with

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me. Stay with me here, if you're listening, because this is going

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to matter in a minute. I'm like, what changed? And I'm like, Oh,

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the second that it got personal, the second that they could see

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that this thing wasn't just something outside of them or

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separate, that there was a real human being attached to that

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story, and that human being was right in front of them. I was

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like, oh, so as soon as it became personal, they could

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attach it to a person that like, looked like them, right, that

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they could maybe relate to. Then everything changed, and it

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stopped. It stopped just being a teeth sucking, like, Oh, too

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bad. And being like, oh. And it got me to thinking about today's

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topic, which I'm calling like, the difference between sympathy,

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empathy and compassion. Now I can't speak for you because I'm

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not you, but I can say for me that I have journeyed through

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each of these different things, right, sympathy, empathy and

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compassion, and I have seen myself in relation to places and

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things and people and situations and how I may or may not

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respond, and one of the things I'm definitely trying to do

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while I'm still alive on the planet is always to expand my

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capacity for compassion, because it's different than empathy and

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sympathy. And I think that we're not always taught what the

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difference is we don't understand or we can't feel,

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necessarily, because we don't know. And I just thought this is

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a really powerful opportunity to learn, because once we learn

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this, we can't unlearn it or unsee it, and it will change our

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lives if we are willing to pay attention and to practice this

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stuff. So I wanted to share this with you, because I saw it in

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real time, and the example I just gave you about the women,

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and as soon as it became personal, they changed. It's

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because they changed a state. They went from sympathy to

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empathy to compassion, and it was very powerful to see it

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happen right before my eyes in real time. And I think once I'm

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done kind of explaining this or sharing this with you, and you

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might already know all the differences, and that's great,

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but look at repetition is the mother of all learning. And we

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can all, we could all use, I think, an opportunity to grow

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our compassion muscle. So for those of you who are listeners,

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I'm going.

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Talk about this, but for the watches at home, because I know

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a lot of you watch on YouTube. Well, I shouldn't say a lot, but

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some of you watch on YouTube. I'm gonna also hold up a little

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graphic from Susan David that's gonna show you the difference

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between these because some of us are audio like verbal learners.

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Some of us we learn by seeing, and some of us learn by doing.

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Some of us are all three, okay? So here's the difference. So

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sympathy is when you feel pity towards another person's

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misfortune, you might feel sorrow towards their their

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misfortune. So you can, kind of, like, get a sense of like, what

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the other person like. You feel pity for them. Let me put it

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that way. Okay, you feel pity for them. So I'm going to just

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try to make these first introductions pretty small.

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Empathy is a feeling and understanding of another

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person's emotions, like what they're going through, what

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they're experiencing, as if it was our own. So you can feel

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what a person is feeling. Sympathy is again, feeling pity

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or sorrow for somebody, for their misfortune, their

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situation, whatever's happened to them. But empathy is when we

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can actually feel it as if it's our own suffering, our own

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situation. Compassion, and I'm going to keep going through

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these in different ways, because I learned through repetition. So

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hopefully this is helpful for you too. Compassion, though, is

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more than just a feeling. Compassion is the action

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oriented desire to actually alleviate somebody else's

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suffering. So where sympathy you might have again pity or sorrow

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for the suffering, empathy is when you can feel it as if it's

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your own suffering. Compassion is the action kind of base form

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of this where you have a desire inside of you to alleviate their

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suffering. It is the willingness to relieve another person's

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suffering, or an animal suffering, or whatever, and

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that's a really big distinction. So sympathy is when we feel for

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somebody else. Empathy is when we feel with them, right?

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Compassion is when we act to help.

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Now, I don't know about you, but whenever I get this refresher,

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I'm like, Oh yeah, that is so good to remember. And it also

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explains to me,

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like, more clearly, it gives me an insight into myself, more and

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more and more, why I love to be a problem solver. It kind of

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clicked in for me when I was thinking about this. It's like,

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Oh, I like to be a problem solver because I'd like to take

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action because I cannot stand to bear like i It's not that I

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can't bear it. I can bear it, and I have beared it, and I will

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bear it, but I don't like it like I can't, oh, I can't stand

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when other beings and other people are suffering. Now I also

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have learned over my 57 plus years heading towards 58

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that sometimes we can't alleviate another person's

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suffering. To take away their suffering, takes away their

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capacity to understand that they can help themselves, that they

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can't do it. So it doesn't make sense. It's like idiot

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compassion sometimes when you just try to swoop in and fix

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everything for everybody, and you rob them of the opportunity

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to understand who they are and what they're capable of. But I

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also don't believe in watching somebody suffer needlessly, if I

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can do something to help now I'm not talking about right. There

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are times when, let's just say somebody's in the throes of

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addictions or whatever, like you can't make it so that other

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people don't I always say, we can't rob people from the

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opportunity right to learn about themselves. I think we do them a

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disservice, and we cannot save people from the consequences of

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being themselves sometimes, okay. So sympathy is when you

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feel for somebody else. Empathy is when you feel along with

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them, right, like you get it. Compassion is when you act to do

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something about it and to help. So sympathy is a reaction.

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Empathy is more about that connection piece, right? But

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compassion is a solution. Compassion is when we look at

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something and we want to do something about it. So for

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example, let's say those women were like, looking at my piece,

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and they saw one of the things on my piece that said, I'm being

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vague on purpose, but it says something, right? Then they

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might feel motivated to go, Oh, my God, that statistic is

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horrible. I want to do something about that. Maybe I can

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volunteer. Maybe I can learn more about violence against

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women or whatever the thing is, right? It's like we feel

Unknown: 00:19:36

compelled to act when we are showing true compassion. And so

Unknown: 00:19:41

I'm going to dive into these a little bit deeper. Because

Unknown: 00:19:44

again, I like to like, I really like to drive a point home. I

Unknown: 00:19:47

don't say these things because I think you're stupid, dear

Unknown: 00:19:50

listener. I just know my own knucklehead. And sometimes I

Unknown: 00:19:54

like to get different examples. So again, think of sympathy as

Unknown: 00:19:58

pity. And.

Unknown: 00:20:00

Empathy is understanding and compassion is action, okay? But

Unknown: 00:20:06

with the thing, with sympathy, what it does is sympathy kind of

Unknown: 00:20:09

creates a little bit of distance. So when you have

Unknown: 00:20:12

feeling for somebody else, like they're going through something

Unknown: 00:20:15

awful, it's like watching the news, and you just go, oh, isn't

Unknown: 00:20:18

that so awful, right? So you might have a feeling for, I'm

Unknown: 00:20:22

doing little quotes for somebody, but it's usually with

Unknown: 00:20:24

a little bit of pity, or there's a little bit of distance between

Unknown: 00:20:27

the two of you, like you're not you're not close. And this is

Unknown: 00:20:30

kind of like in real life, we might like, let's say, Send,

Unknown: 00:20:34

like, a sympathy card or an empathy card, a condolence card,

Unknown: 00:20:38

like, if somebody dies, you just send the card. So it indicates

Unknown: 00:20:41

that you give a shit. It indicates that you care. But it

Unknown: 00:20:45

doesn't mean that you're, like, getting in the ring with them

Unknown: 00:20:48

and like sharing the emotion with them. It's just like you're

Unknown: 00:20:50

acknowledging it. Okay? Empathy is when we have that true

Unknown: 00:20:54

understanding, and it involves, like, taking a perspective of

Unknown: 00:20:58

what it would be like to be in their shoes, right? You feel

Unknown: 00:21:02

along with them, and I'm sure like you have experienced this

Unknown: 00:21:07

in your own life, right? It's like being it's like putting

Unknown: 00:21:10

yourself in somebody else's shoes, or you feel it in your

Unknown: 00:21:13

own skin, what it's like to be in that situation and what

Unknown: 00:21:16

they're going through. And I love this little piece here. It

Unknown: 00:21:19

says, what empathy does is it fuels connection, whereas

Unknown: 00:21:23

sympathy can sometimes feel distant. Empathy doesn't always

Unknown: 00:21:27

lead to action, but empathy is a really good bridge towards

Unknown: 00:21:32

compassion. That's like the beginning step of compassion is

Unknown: 00:21:35

having that understanding. But here's the thing that happens,

Unknown: 00:21:39

and maybe you've experienced this yourself,

Unknown: 00:21:43

especially in the caring professions. So whether that's

Unknown: 00:21:47

therapists, psychologists, nurses,

Unknown: 00:21:51

hospice workers, whatever, right? EMTs, police, whatever,

Unknown: 00:21:54

when you are in the service business, when you're in the

Unknown: 00:21:57

caring profession,

Unknown: 00:21:59

you can oftentimes end up with empathetic distress. So like,

Unknown: 00:22:04

you get overwhelmed because or social workers, right? That's a

Unknown: 00:22:07

perfect example. A lot of times you're involved in these systems

Unknown: 00:22:11

of care where you're trying to help others, but it just feels

Unknown: 00:22:14

hopeless. It feels like, Oh my God, I feel all this empathy,

Unknown: 00:22:18

but I don't have the power to change their situation, I don't

Unknown: 00:22:21

have the ability to take action on their behalf. There's nothing

Unknown: 00:22:24

I can do. So you just bombarded on a daily basis of deep, deep,

Unknown: 00:22:28

deep feeling, right? This is why, when people say, Oh, it's

Unknown: 00:22:31

so hard to be alive, because I'm an empath. I think we're all

Unknown: 00:22:35

empaths. I think we're all empathetic. I mean, unless

Unknown: 00:22:38

you're like a serial killer or have, you know, a sociopath, and

Unknown: 00:22:43

you don't have feeling towards others, right? But we can end up

Unknown: 00:22:47

in a place where we have empathetic distress. Another key

Unknown: 00:22:51

interesting thing about empathy, though, is it often is self

Unknown: 00:22:54

oriented, right? It's like we're focusing on how we might feel in

Unknown: 00:22:57

that situation where compassion is really other oriented. So

Unknown: 00:23:03

let's jump to compassion now again. So compassion is like so

Unknown: 00:23:08

where empathy is sharing the feelings of others like you can

Unknown: 00:23:11

feel it along with them. Compassion is when you have a

Unknown: 00:23:14

wish to help them.

Unknown: 00:23:17

I love this. When you have a wish to make a difference, when

Unknown: 00:23:20

you have a wish, like, I always say, like, wherever you go, may

Unknown: 00:23:23

your presence, your energy, your love, be a blessing. May you

Unknown: 00:23:26

being there, may it leave people differently than how you found

Unknown: 00:23:29

them. Something occurs in that where you take maybe some sort

Unknown: 00:23:33

of action, where you are a helper, right? So it goes beyond

Unknown: 00:23:36

compassion. Goes beyond empathy. It goes beyond just

Unknown: 00:23:40

understanding, okay, it's you wanting to actively, somehow,

Unknown: 00:23:46

some way, alleviate the suffering. So it's often I love

Unknown: 00:23:51

this. I wrote this down. Compassion is often described as

Unknown: 00:23:54

empathy in action, and where compassion is proactive and

Unknown: 00:23:59

rewarding, it encourages pro social actions to help others

Unknown: 00:24:04

also listen to this statistic, compassion is often seen by the

Unknown: 00:24:08

ones who are suffering as more helpful helpful than empathy

Unknown: 00:24:13

alone, because it involves actively addressing needs, and

Unknown: 00:24:19

studies indicate that compassion training reduces negative

Unknown: 00:24:23

emotions and increases positive ones, because there's often a

Unknown: 00:24:28

negative effect when it's just empathy alone, again and again

Unknown: 00:24:31

and again and again. So while empathy can often lead us to

Unknown: 00:24:35

feeling, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but maybe

Unknown: 00:24:38

you feel like drained or a little overwhelmed by other

Unknown: 00:24:41

people's pain, compassion offers kind of a built in,

Unknown: 00:24:47

like protective mechanism, because you're focusing on

Unknown: 00:24:50

solutions, right? And that's what I love about being a

Unknown: 00:24:53

problem solving and saying, Okay, this is my situation. I'm

Unknown: 00:24:55

like, Okay, how can we help that whole thing? How can I help? Is

Unknown: 00:24:59

really.

Unknown: 00:25:00

Really, really a big question to ask. So when we think about

Unknown: 00:25:04

these again, sympathy, empathy and compassion, sympathy is

Unknown: 00:25:08

about having pity for it's very low action. It can feel

Unknown: 00:25:12

distance. And an example of this might be like, I'm sorry for

Unknown: 00:25:15

your loss. Okay, if I'm giving you an example, empathy is a

Unknown: 00:25:20

feeling with it has more moderate action, and it

Unknown: 00:25:24

establishes more of a deep connection. And you might say

Unknown: 00:25:27

something like, with empathy, I understand your pain, okay,

Unknown: 00:25:32

where compassion, the focus is on helping, like doing

Unknown: 00:25:36

something, the action is action oriented, so it's a high level

Unknown: 00:25:40

of action. And your question might be, how can I help? So

Unknown: 00:25:45

that really distinguishes it. It's not just again. It's not

Unknown: 00:25:48

just going, Oh, that's too bad, or sucking our teeth, or saying,

Unknown: 00:25:50

Yeah, I can understand. It's, what can I do about this? And

Unknown: 00:25:53

that's like, such a powerful, powerful thing. Now I'm going to

Unknown: 00:25:57

hold up now the graphic detail. This is the visual that I love.

Unknown: 00:26:01

This is from Susan David, a fantastic writer, and it says

Unknown: 00:26:05

what sympathy, empathy and compassion look like. So in the

Unknown: 00:26:08

first frame, it's just an individual, which we'll just

Unknown: 00:26:11

say, that's you, okay? So sympathy, if you're listening to

Unknown: 00:26:14

this and you're not watching, I'll explain what's happening.

Unknown: 00:26:17

So there's a little green guy, and there's a little pink

Unknown: 00:26:19

person, and the little pink person. It's a little shape.

Unknown: 00:26:22

It's a triangle, okay, just, we'll call it. A person is

Unknown: 00:26:25

sitting inside of a circle all by itself, and the green guys

Unknown: 00:26:28

outside it just kind of looking down at them, and it says,

Unknown: 00:26:31

basically, sympathy says, I'm sorry you're in pain. And it's

Unknown: 00:26:35

distant. It's outside the circle.

Unknown: 00:26:38

Empathy shows the little green guy stepping one foot inside the

Unknown: 00:26:42

circle with the little pink triangle.

Unknown: 00:26:45

They're really cute, actually. And this one says, I can

Unknown: 00:26:50

practice perspective taking by imagining what this pain might

Unknown: 00:26:53

feel like. And it's a more shared experience. And the

Unknown: 00:26:58

compassionate circle, it's so cute. The little green guy is

Unknown: 00:27:01

wrapping his arms around the little pink person. It's like,

Unknown: 00:27:04

it's like a little bit of a love hug, but they're both inside the

Unknown: 00:27:08

circle. And what compassion says is us suffering, and I will do

Unknown: 00:27:12

what I can to help. And this one is connected and action

Unknown: 00:27:16

oriented. It's so fantastic. I'm gonna like, I hope you just pop

Unknown: 00:27:21

on to see this. Susan, David, it's a great thing, and it's

Unknown: 00:27:24

about emotional agility, having the emotional agility to

Unknown: 00:27:28

understand where you are in this context. Are you somebody who's

Unknown: 00:27:32

only capable, usually, of showing sympathy? Are you

Unknown: 00:27:35

somebody who's overwhelmed because you're so empathetic?

Unknown: 00:27:37

Are you somebody who actually gets in the ring and tries to do

Unknown: 00:27:40

something to help. And one of the things I think we can take a

Unknown: 00:27:45

look at this is going back to the art story, and these people

Unknown: 00:27:49

viewing my art and viewing my story from a distance. It wasn't

Unknown: 00:27:53

until they acknowledged me and saw me as a real person that

Unknown: 00:27:57

they could relate to what was going on up on my art piece, and

Unknown: 00:28:01

that's when they leaned in, is when they made it personal to

Unknown: 00:28:05

what not just personal meaning it was them, but they put it to

Unknown: 00:28:10

an actual person standing in front of them. And it got me to

Unknown: 00:28:13

thinking about like, how sometimes people can't feel

Unknown: 00:28:18

empathy, they can't feel compassion, they might not even

Unknown: 00:28:21

feel sympathy, because they don't care about it until it

Unknown: 00:28:26

becomes personal, like until it affects them. Now, we saw this

Unknown: 00:28:31

in Nazi Germany. We saw this in the Holocaust. We see it all the

Unknown: 00:28:35

time around us with racism and misogyny and sexism and wars and

Unknown: 00:28:39

stuff like that, where we stand apart from it, and we're like,

Unknown: 00:28:42

Oh, yeah. And we don't actually start to give a shit until it

Unknown: 00:28:45

starts to knock on your door and threaten you and your family.

Unknown: 00:28:48

And then we see all that my kids, my family, my whatever,

Unknown: 00:28:52

and it's like, yeah, but it's not just your kids, your

Unknown: 00:28:55

whatever, your family. It's all of us, right? And sometimes,

Unknown: 00:28:59

until it becomes personal, or until a person experiences it

Unknown: 00:29:02

themselves. They're not worried about it, they don't think about

Unknown: 00:29:05

it, they don't want to do anything about it, and they

Unknown: 00:29:08

certainly don't feel moved by it. And I think of this often,

Unknown: 00:29:13

like I've had people say to me right over time,

Unknown: 00:29:18

and I give them credit for acknowledging it, but a lot of

Unknown: 00:29:21

times, people can't feel those things or understand those

Unknown: 00:29:24

things, because they'll say, I hadn't gone through it. And

Unknown: 00:29:27

they'll say to me, I've had people say to me, until I lost

Unknown: 00:29:31

my beloved dog, until I lost my beloved pet, my furry kid,

Unknown: 00:29:35

right? My animal, that was like my guy, my person, my, you know,

Unknown: 00:29:39

my being. I had no idea, and they said to me, I had somebody

Unknown: 00:29:44

say to me, I was often a little bit flippant with people, and

Unknown: 00:29:46

they'd say, it's just an animal, it's just a cat, it's just a

Unknown: 00:29:49

dog. And they're like, until I lost my own and realized the

Unknown: 00:29:52

amount of grief that I experienced. Some people will

Unknown: 00:29:56

say to me, I had no idea. You know, I used to look at my

Unknown: 00:29:59

friend and be like, Oh.

Unknown: 00:30:00

Oh, my God, can you just get over it already? Or they'd roll

Unknown: 00:30:02

their eyes at somebody saying, like, oh, you know what? Your

Unknown: 00:30:05

mother died, like this long ago, your father died, or your grand

Unknown: 00:30:08

it was just a grandparent. They were old, right? All the stupid

Unknown: 00:30:10

shit that humans say, and then they'll say, I didn't realize

Unknown: 00:30:15

until I went through my own loss, just how debilitating that

Unknown: 00:30:19

kind of grief can be. I can't believe how affected I am, and

Unknown: 00:30:22

it's unfortunate that a lot of us are built that way, where you

Unknown: 00:30:26

know you can't really feel something or understand

Unknown: 00:30:29

something, and so you go through it yourself. So this episode is

Unknown: 00:30:33

an is an invitation to say, like, don't wait for that. We

Unknown: 00:30:37

have to practice building our compassion muscle, and some of

Unknown: 00:30:43

the things that we can kind of look out for, right is notice.

Unknown: 00:30:47

Here's some things to notice. I wrote these down so I wouldn't

Unknown: 00:30:49

forget. Notice when you judge or minimize other people's

Unknown: 00:30:55

suffering.

Unknown: 00:30:57

Notice when you look at somebody else's suffering and you say

Unknown: 00:30:59

things like, it was just a dog, it was just a cat. That happened

Unknown: 00:31:03

so long ago, I wouldn't be that upset about that, because here's

Unknown: 00:31:08

the thing, they're not you.

Unknown: 00:31:11

Everybody responds to things differently. Everybody's

Unknown: 00:31:14

capacity for being able to get through things right? That's

Unknown: 00:31:19

where those all those old sayings like, pull yourself up

Unknown: 00:31:21

by your Bootstrap, get over it already. Blah, blah, blah,

Unknown: 00:31:24

right? It's like we don't get to determine or judge another

Unknown: 00:31:27

person's process for suffering and grief. It doesn't matter if

Unknown: 00:31:31

we would handle it differently, or we wouldn't let that affect

Unknown: 00:31:33

us, or we wouldn't do that that's very self oriented, so

Unknown: 00:31:38

notice when you judge or minimize the suffering of

Unknown: 00:31:40

others.

Unknown: 00:31:42

Notice when you dismiss your own suffering,

Unknown: 00:31:47

when you kind of roll your eyes or make fun of yourself or blow

Unknown: 00:31:50

it off, or you condemn yourself, because I should be over this by

Unknown: 00:31:53

now. This shouldn't be such a big deal.

Unknown: 00:31:57

So notice these things right, when you diminish or judge other

Unknown: 00:32:01

suffering, and when you dismiss your own also, though, notice

Unknown: 00:32:04

when compassion comes like more easily for you? Is it more

Unknown: 00:32:09

easily towards animals? Is it more easily towards old people

Unknown: 00:32:13

or babies? Because I'll tell you this, if we see an old person

Unknown: 00:32:17

fall down or a child fall down, most people are much quicker to

Unknown: 00:32:21

react than if you just see another human being. It's almost

Unknown: 00:32:24

as if our suffering isn't on the outside. If it's not right in

Unknown: 00:32:28

your face, we can't empathize or have compassion for

Unknown: 00:32:34

we might actually actively turn away. I don't want to get

Unknown: 00:32:37

involved,

Unknown: 00:32:39

so notice when your compassion comes easily, and notice when it

Unknown: 00:32:44

doesn't. These are great things to like, pay attention to. Okay,

Unknown: 00:32:49

also,

Unknown: 00:32:51

I noticed, I know this because it's somebody who has lived with

Unknown: 00:32:54

irritable bowel syndrome for a really long time who has an

Unknown: 00:32:57

affliction or disorder or whatever that you can't see on

Unknown: 00:33:00

the outside, and all kinds of people are walking around with

Unknown: 00:33:03

illnesses or diseases or situations that we can't see on

Unknown: 00:33:07

the outside. We don't know that somebody just lost their mother,

Unknown: 00:33:10

we don't know that somebody just got an awful diagnosis. We don't

Unknown: 00:33:14

know that somebody's going through a divorce or a breakup.

Unknown: 00:33:16

We don't know that somebody just lost their job, etc, etc. We

Unknown: 00:33:21

shouldn't have to have people walking around with signs or

Unknown: 00:33:24

thought bubbles above their head announcing their grief, their

Unknown: 00:33:27

suffering, whatever, for us to have compassion for each other,

Unknown: 00:33:31

this is a muscle that we really need to grow. You know, I

Unknown: 00:33:35

believe this. You know, when I look back and I think about and

Unknown: 00:33:39

again, I know I talk about them all the time. But when I think

Unknown: 00:33:41

about like, you know, go all the way, go, go down through

Unknown: 00:33:46

spirituality and religion, go back to Jesus and how much

Unknown: 00:33:49

compassion Jesus had for others. You can look at Mother Tracy.

Unknown: 00:33:52

You can look at all kinds of saints and mystics and sages,

Unknown: 00:33:55

right? But we can also look at like, more modern day mystics,

Unknown: 00:33:57

like, I look at Bob Ross I look at Mr. Rogers, right? They were

Unknown: 00:34:02

trying to teach us from a very young age to have compassion,

Unknown: 00:34:05

right? For for each other, for ourselves, for animals, for our

Unknown: 00:34:09

environment, right? They were, they were like the powerhouses

Unknown: 00:34:12

of compassion. So seriously, go back. Watch yourself some Mr.

Unknown: 00:34:16

Rogers episodes. Listen to Bob Ross right, like put it in the

Unknown: 00:34:21

background, listen to them talking to you. It's so

Unknown: 00:34:23

important. And so this is a question. So this is a question

Unknown: 00:34:28

that I have for you. Why do people have to be showing

Unknown: 00:34:32

distress to earn our empathy and compassion?

Unknown: 00:34:37

Or why do we have to have a personal connection to someone

Unknown: 00:34:41

or a personal connection to a cause

Unknown: 00:34:44

to care about it,

Unknown: 00:34:48

and I can't answer it for you. These are personal questions

Unknown: 00:34:51

that I'm putting out to you that because I asked myself these

Unknown: 00:34:54

questions too. These are things that I like bounce around in my

Unknown: 00:34:57

head. You know? Why do people have to show.

Unknown: 00:35:00

Distress. Why can't we just naturally extend compassion? So

Unknown: 00:35:05

I highly encourage you, if you want to grow that compassion

Unknown: 00:35:07

muscle, to go through those things of noticing when the ones

Unknown: 00:35:11

I just listed a moment ago, right? But also, if you go back

Unknown: 00:35:15

to Episode 243,

Unknown: 00:35:18

I did a whole episode on loving kindness, a loving kindness

Unknown: 00:35:21

meditation. It's a powerful meditation. You can also just do

Unknown: 00:35:24

something really simple, of setting an intention of

Unknown: 00:35:28

compassion when you first wake up in the morning, like, I'm

Unknown: 00:35:30

going to move to the world with more compassion. People don't

Unknown: 00:35:32

need to be suffering and down, you know, down like they don't

Unknown: 00:35:35

have to be unhoused and standing on the corner for me to have

Unknown: 00:35:39

compassion for them, people don't have to be outwardly

Unknown: 00:35:42

expressing their suffering in order for me to care. I can just

Unknown: 00:35:46

move to the world with kind of an assumption that most people

Unknown: 00:35:49

are going through something, and so I'm naturally going to

Unknown: 00:35:51

practice trying to extend compassion and loving kindness

Unknown: 00:35:54

towards them, right? That's what Metsa is. Metsa loving kindness,

Unknown: 00:35:58

you know. And we can develop our compassion like a muscle every

Unknown: 00:36:02

time you sit down to do your DSP, your daily spiritual

Unknown: 00:36:05

practice, you can set the intention of increasing your

Unknown: 00:36:08

compassion for others and for yourself.

Unknown: 00:36:12

We set the intention so that our daily spiritual practices are

Unknown: 00:36:15

not just self serving, that they have, you know, connection to

Unknown: 00:36:18

others beyond ourselves, that they go out more globally. And

Unknown: 00:36:22

we can even start with just a simple meditation of setting the

Unknown: 00:36:25

intention that you want to grow your compassion. And you feel

Unknown: 00:36:29

like, I always say, like a beautiful ball of golden light

Unknown: 00:36:31

or a pink light, or a white light, or whatever light makes

Unknown: 00:36:34

you happy, emanating from your heart. And first it just kind of

Unknown: 00:36:37

covers you and your whole self, and then it emanates out and

Unknown: 00:36:41

maybe starts to cover the people within your home, your furry

Unknown: 00:36:44

kids, your human kids, your sweetie, whatever. You can just

Unknown: 00:36:48

imagine it growing. And then you can imagine this golden light

Unknown: 00:36:51

reaching out to your family and your friends,

Unknown: 00:36:55

and imagine that they can feel the love that you're extending.

Unknown: 00:36:58

They can feel the compassion that you're extending. And then

Unknown: 00:37:01

you can extend it. It's very similar to like a loving

Unknown: 00:37:03

kindness, Medicaid meditation. And then you can extend it to,

Unknown: 00:37:06

you know, people you love. And then you can extend it out a

Unknown: 00:37:09

little bit wider. Then you can eventually extend it out to

Unknown: 00:37:11

people that maybe you have a disagreement with,

Unknown: 00:37:15

maybe people you actively don't like. And just imagine them

Unknown: 00:37:19

receiving that golden light. Imagine that golden light

Unknown: 00:37:21

extending from your heart to theirs right and just imagine

Unknown: 00:37:24

how different the world would be if we were all extending that

Unknown: 00:37:27

compassion to each other all the time.

Unknown: 00:37:30

I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying it's not hard,

Unknown: 00:37:35

because actively, we have preferences and personalities

Unknown: 00:37:38

and just people we don't necessarily love or like,

Unknown: 00:37:43

but

Unknown: 00:37:46

it's so helpful for us to like, get it out there. And remember,

Unknown: 00:37:50

compassion is paired with action. It asks the question,

Unknown: 00:37:53

How can I help? It goes beyond just, Oh, that's too bad. It

Unknown: 00:37:58

goes it goes into being action oriented, right? Wanting to

Unknown: 00:38:02

actually do something to alleviate the suffering of

Unknown: 00:38:04

others. What can I do? How can I help? It's one of the first

Unknown: 00:38:08

questions I try to ask. You know, when we have a nest call

Unknown: 00:38:10

or whatever, I'll get on the call and I'll say, okay, how can

Unknown: 00:38:13

I help? How can I be helpful? Right? That that is my great

Unknown: 00:38:16

desire, one of my great desires in this lifetime. So you guys, I

Unknown: 00:38:19

hope this was helpful to you in some way. If you're listening to

Unknown: 00:38:22

this, you're probably, if you're listening to this on the first

Unknown: 00:38:24

day that it comes out, you were listening on May 7, 19. No, not,

Unknown: 00:38:29

not 19. May 7, 2026, this is the 45th anniversary of my mother's

Unknown: 00:38:35

death. So this is also a little love letter to my mom to be

Unknown: 00:38:39

thinking about compassion, because I really do believe

Unknown: 00:38:41

that, you know, if the guy that killed my mother could have had

Unknown: 00:38:45

more compassion for her as a human being,

Unknown: 00:38:48

then she would still be alive. So this is a really important

Unknown: 00:38:51

thing. It's something that is near and dear to my heart. If

Unknown: 00:38:54

you live locally, you guys and you're able to please come,

Unknown: 00:38:57

please come to the opening reception on Friday May 8 at the

Unknown: 00:39:01

11th letter writing gallery 146 North Main Street in downtown

Unknown: 00:39:05

conkin. 530 to 7:30pm the artist will be there to talk about

Unknown: 00:39:10

their work and to, you know, just to interact with people or

Unknown: 00:39:13

whatever. And I'd love to have you there. So thank you so much

Unknown: 00:39:16

for tuning in. I know this is a little bit of a longer one. I

Unknown: 00:39:18

hope it was helpful in some way. And just know that I super duper

Unknown: 00:39:21

appreciate you for being here. If you can still hear the sound

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of my voice, thank you for hanging in there with me and

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look wherever you go out in the world. May you leave the people

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and the animals and the environment and yourself better

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than how you found it wherever you go. May your presence, your

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energy, your love and your compassion be a blessing. Bye.

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Hey, thanks so much for listening to the show. I really

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love spending some time together. Now, if you dig the

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show or know someone that could benefit from this episode,

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please share it with them and help me to spread the good word

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and the love. And if you want to be in the know about all of my

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upcoming shenani.

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Begins head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign,

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up and join my list. It'll be wicked fun to stay in touch.

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Bye. You.