Why Being Specific Matters

Karen Kenney: 00:00:01

Hey, welcome to the Karen Kenny show. I am just tickled pink. I'm just delighted. just delighted to be here. And I hope you are too loyal listener. So thank you so much for tuning in. If it's your first time here, welcome, welcome. Welcome to the Karen Kenny show family. I'm so happy to have you. If you've been around the block with me a few times. God bless you. God bless you for hanging in there. And sticking in there with me. I appreciate you so much. And look, if I did my math, right, you guys, if I did my math right, then this episode, this sucker is going to air like rare sometime around like maybe the week before Thanksgiving. And I wanted to air the week before. So maybe you could put your little thinking caps on, rather than putting the pressure on? Yeah, when I'm Thanksgiving Day, when my next episode is going to come out. Okay. So as you saw from the title, I think I'm going to call this why being specific matters. Why being specific matters. And specificity can really make a difference in both your personal life in your relationships, but also in your business life. Whether that has to do with your, your people on your team, your co workers, your employees, your messaging, your marketing, like all that stuff. So being specific is a really big deal. And you know, me, I always like to, like share some stories about like, why I'm talking about this, some examples of it. Because to me information without implementation. It's just, it's just noise. It's just like clutter, right? It's like too much. So I always like to tell stories, that kind of either kickoff where we're going, or explain or give you a good example. And we know that storytelling is also how the brain remembers things. And it's also how we get emotionally invested in a concept or whatever. So specificity is really important for a bunch of different reasons. And look, I could I could probably spend hours talking about it. But I just wanted to give you a little sip sip, as Linda Thai says right, my friend, Linda Thai, just a little sip, sip and not a fire hose. So one of the main things, though, that I'm going to kick things off with is this. And this is why specificity is important. And the reason why I want to talk about it the week before Thanksgiving is because I know that so many people are so many families, and it has nothing to do you don't have to be religious or you know, be spiritually inclined or whatever. I just think it's a human part of our humanity to express gratitude and thanks and appreciation, right? So I know a lot of families, whatever their faith or lack of faith or whatever tradition might be around the holidays, a lot of times before people dive into their food, they'll sometimes invite each other to go around and say what's what's something that you're grateful for. And I have been a part of this ritual, I have witnessed this ritual, I have cringe during this ritual. I've been delighted during this ritual, but nothing is satisfactory. When we are talking about gratitude and stuff like that, and especially like in thanksgiving or whatever, specifically, then when people are using specifics, it makes it so rich, and so deep, and so powerful. Because here's what we know to be true. There's what I always say, I always say, specificity. What it shows what it shows people is that you're paying attention. And I always say one of the ways that we show love, is to pay attention. Paying attention is one of the ways that we show love. And specificity is one of the vehicles that we can use to show our love is right, our friends, our family, our clients, whoever, that we are paying attention that we are listening, right, and we're noticing and one of my big things I always say to my clients is notice what you notice, because that information is so helpful. So I'm going to tell you a couple of different stories that are kind of fun, and why specificity just to give you some examples of why being specific makes a huge difference. So I am a Kripalu trained yoga teacher I think many of you know I've been a yoga teacher for about 25 years. So I did my official training at Kripalu out in the burbs She is Western Massachusetts. Rapallo is, if not the largest, I think it is the largest yoga and holistics health center in the United States. I'm pretty sure at least it used to be. And so that's where I did my ytt. But I also went on to train and other styles of yoga, prenatal yoga, Ashtanga Yoga, the primary series of Ashtanga Yoga, etc, etc. So at one of these trainings or workshops with David Swensen so if you're an Ashtanga yogi, you might know who David is, but anyways, he was doing a thing out at Kripalu so Capello also has guest teachers write other teachers from other traditions and different walks of life, all kinds of workshops. And if you've never been there, go check it out. It's pretty cool. So anyways, David Swensen was doing a workshop that weekend. And he was trying to make a point about being a good teacher, and what it actually takes to be a good teacher. And there were some of us in the room who had already been yoga teachers for a certain amount of time. And there were people there who were stronger practitioners who like knew the primary series of Ashtanga Yoga, they knew the postures, they knew the asanas, right? They knew the poses and the flow of things, but they had never taught it before. So he was trying to make a point about how important it is, to be able, because I always say it's one thing to know how to do a thing, it's a totally other thing to know how to teach a thing. Alright, I think I talked about this in a previous podcast. So what he had us do is he had all the teachers in the room, raise our hands, so we all raise our hands. And then he said, Who here is learning to be a teacher and then those people, you know, we were all there to learn, you know what I'm saying, but this was specifically this. And then of all those people raise their hands and he said, Great, here's what you gotta do teaches you now become the students and students, you know, the teachers, I'll never forget this. We're in a huge room, we were in one of the huge rooms over Curbelo and chockfull. And we were all hysterically laughing because it literally turned into like a Simon Says shitshow. So just listen to how vague, listen to how vague these words are. Okay? Lift your arms up, fold forward. Inhale, lift up. Exhale, step back, hop back. Lower. It's like, wait, what? What do you what are you asking me to do? So what David says is, I want those of you who are teachers to be the students and those of you who are trading, I want you to guide these people through a sun salutation. Okay. So if you've never done yoga before, I just want you to think of a sun salutation as a series of movements that are linked together by breath. Right? So you can imagine and if you're watching the show, you're gonna get I'm not gonna get up and do them. But you can imagine when we say inhale, lift your arms up, right, Berber Berber. So arms are coming up overhead. Now, if somebody has done a gazillion sun salutations, before, before you even probably tell them where to go. They know where they're going, their body has muscle memory, they've done it 1000 times. But what we were finding is a lot of the people who were just learning to be teachers, they would say things like, inhale, arms up. Now, what's hysterical about that is, we were like that we those of us who were teachers already, we knew what they meant, right? Because we had done Saudi son citations for years and years and years, we knew what they meant when they said, inhale, arms up or inhale, lift your arms, we know they meant lift our arms over our head. So our hands are like way over our head, maybe sometimes bringing the palms together or whatever. But what we wouldn't be doing is, Oh, you want me to lift my arms, and we would just stick our arms out in front of us, like, like, like zombies.

Karen Kenney: 00:09:06

Or some people would stick about to their sides, like they were playing airplane, you know, when you're a little kid and you stick your arms up by your side and you run around the yard like, right? And they'd be like, they get all flustered. They'd be like, no, no, like, lift, lift your arms up in the air, and then we'd be we'd love them a little higher, but we still we would. And it's not that we were trying to make it difficult. We were just trying to prove David's point, which is we want to use specific language when we're directing be involved, so they know actually what we're talking about. Right? And so it was a really like fan fantastic and fascinating and fast demonstration of why specifics matter. Especially in terms of physicality, right? If you're just telling somebody to pick up this weight, or to like, you know, go do this thing, but you don't tell them specifically what to do expecially like to keep them safe. So lift your arms up is a lot different than inhale, sweep your arms up or lift your arms up overhead, bring your palms together, right? That's a really different thing. So when you start to learn, like, Oh, I know what I mean, I have this information in my head, but I need to communicate it to other people out there. This is a really great example of where vagueness not so great. Specificity is really powerful. So when I looked at what specificity meant, also, because I know I always love to do this, oh, maybe I deleted it. Okay, well, to be specific, is basically I did look it up online, but I think we all know what being specific means. It means like to. So some of the ways that it's talked about is clearly defined, to be identified. Explicit, definite, and particular. Meaning it's not just this vague stuff, right? It's like kind of like taking the camera from vague like really zoomed out to like, fovea vision, like really zoomed in. Okay. So to be specific, is really helpful. Another way that another story is around like through gateless writing. So some of you who have been to yoga and writing workshops with me or just writing workshops with me, I am a certified, dateless writing instructor. And one of the things that so just as a writer in general, one of the things that I often share with people, which is which is wisdom that was passed down to me through my writing one of my writing mentors, Andre Debussy, a third, but it came from it came through his mouth, but he got it from a guy named Ron Carlson. And one of the things that Ron Carlson says is that details are the instruments by which the writer steers details are the instruments by which the writer steers. So it's how we steer the action is how we steer the story along, right. It's how we steer the emotion. That's how we kind of, you know, get the story moving. Because imagine the difference between telling a story and he just goes like this. There was a guy. There was a guy, and he lived in this house, in this city. And he had a job, right? It's a lot different. If you're like, there was a 75 year old man. And he had a white beard. And his head was bald, and his arms were really muscular. I'm just pulling this out of my ass, right. But he had a bit of a potbelly, left, right? And so those details are telling you something very specific, like, okay, so he used to either be really fit. So then the mind starts going, like, Was he an athlete? Like, what was he? And then instead of saying, like, it's a big difference to say that, Oh, he lived in. He lived in I don't know, Lawrence, Massachusetts, or Boston, versus he lives in Idaho, right, in a particular town, you see what I'm saying? And if his job is and you said, and the tools of his trade, were, you know, duct tape, you know, like, whatever, you know what I'm saying. So the details really make a big difference when we're writing when we're doing storytelling and stuff like that. So specifics are important. But in gateless, writing, it's not only specifics in the writing, I mean, people are going to write however they write. But what I'm particularly getting at is inspiration in gateless, writing, the type of feedback that we give each other. We always say, Well, there's a lot of there's a lot of guidelines for listening guidelines for reading and guidelines for feedback in, in gateless reading, because we want to try and keep it safe, right? We want the genius of the work to come through. So it's not about trying to be the smartest one in the room when you give feedback. But it's also not about saying things like oh, yeah, I like that it was good. There is nothing specific about that. I liked it. It was good. Where the richness comes from is saying specifically and exactly what you liked about the piece, what you liked about the writing what you noticed, right what you notice, like was there a turn of phrase? Was there a particular particular visual or feeling that you felt hearing you know the piece, we keep the feedback focused on the writing and the genius that's on the page. But imagine reading something that you wrote from your heart to a roomful of people and everybody goes around the circle, they just go. Yeah, that was good. I liked it. Versus I loved the pot when the writer really focused on, like the temperature of the sun coming in the room and the way it was laying the square triangle of light that it made on your grandmother, they're dying grandmother's feet. Like we can totally see that, right? It's like, Oh, my God, the nuance of when we heard the sounds of the birds, you know, calling in the distance, those long cries like kind of accurate echoing across, you know, the valley. Versus, yeah, I liked it when you talked about the birds. You know what I'm saying like specifics, also, let us know, I'm paying attention. I'm listening, I noticed and remember to pay attention is one of the great ways of showing love. And especially when we're giving feedback, which leads me to, and it's all going to make sense. I'm going to bring this all back together. I always say stay with me. kicky might be going a long way, I might be going a long way, but I always bring it back as to why this is important. And Thanksgiving. Okay, so this brings me to Story number three. Okay, so I used to play this game with my sweetie. And I still do once in a blue moon just to be just to be silly and fun. Where I would say to him, tell me three reasons why you love me. Tell me three reasons why you love me. Okay, I'm just gonna give you one example. He could say, Now imagine if he just came back. And he said, I like you because you're nice. As like more more, right? That would be so bow. Very boring, right? So I like you because you're nice. Now. Imagine hearing that as an answer versus something like, I love how kind you are. I love how every time there's a mosquito even bothering you. You don't even want to swat it, you won't even kill it, you just try to use your breath to blow it away. Or you'll roll down the window and try to guide it out. Rather than kill it. I love how every time you see you know something in the road, a little animal trying to cross the road, you will stop traffic you will get out. And you'll tell people that just hold their horses until this animal makes it safely across the road. I love how you lean in so close to little bunches face and you cut his face in your hands and you kiss him right on the mouth. And you tell him I love you. Do you see the difference? All those little details all that specificity what it tells me is this person sees me pays attention, watches, notices is present is present. Okay? Because not only does that game reveal to me, right? What my sweetie might love about me, it also reveals to me what he loves. I'm gonna say that again. Not only does it show me what he loves about me, it also shows me what he loves. Meaning what he loves about me specifically, but also the things that land in his heart the things that catch his attention. And this is why in personal relationships, specificity is so important. How many times have you ever been like,

Karen Kenney: 00:18:33

Oh my God, I don't know. Just imagine you're trying to cook something. Okay, let's imagine you normally do the grocery shopping, you know where everything is in the store, you know, the particular brands you buy the sizes, you buy the things right, the quality that you want, etc. But instead you just say to your sweetie, who or whoever, right? Whoever your roommate, whoever is doing the shopping for whatever reason instead, and you just said things like, get milk, get bread, get whatever. And what you really needed bread for was for something really different. Right? Meaning maybe maybe you meant Italian bread because you're making lasagna or whatever the fuck, okay? And they come home with like cow's milk and you're like, hello, vegan would never drink that shit. Right? Not Not happening. And it's like, oh, but who's it on? Like, you know, if you're not being specific, and you don't say, oh, I want I'm making this up right or whatever silk, you know, unsweetened almond milk, right? That's really different than getting milk and bread saying hey, get the crusty loaf of the Italian bread. You know the one that is about like, you know, 10 inches long and it's in the package you know, it'll be over by the you know, it'll be over by the olives. I don't know. I'm just whatever. Right? So they don't come home with like a loaf of white. Only because here's the thing we know what we're talking about in our head? I see this all the time, first of all, first of all, and we'll get Okay, let me just finish this. If we're not specific this what I always say we're not specific, I can get us into trouble. Because we are often as humans incredibly vague, when we're talking with that specific example, like, oh, just come back with like milk and bread, right? We're like, wait, what kind? You know what I mean? So we're often incredibly vague when we talk, but we know what we mean. But the person you're talking to, not only might not know that you're particular, or you want a particular thing, right? They, they also just might have a different interpretation. Because here's the thing about people, we are meaning making machines. And if we are not given specifics, right, we will make meaning we will create, I'm going to do a How should note to self Note to self, I'm going to do a whole podcast about being meaning making machines. But if we are not clear about what we specifically are asking for, right, it will often lead to confusion and confusion often leads to not only miscommunication, but it often leads to conflict. You know, even if you just sometimes say something, and you're not being particularly clear, you ever had somebody be like, What the fuck do you mean by that? Like, what did you mean by that? Right? Because we are meaning making machines. And if we don't say specifically, oh, this is what I meant by that. This is what I'm saying to you. It's really easy to misinterpret somebody's tone of voice, the motive, like whatever. So here's the thing, always do your best to use specifics when communicating so that you are being wicked clear, so that we can all be on the same page. So that's in your professional life, like we of course, want to communicate with clarity. Nobody likes something vague, right? I do my best when I communicate whether it's through an email. I try not to text unless I absolutely have to. I'm not a huge fan, I will do it by fine texting, kinda like I'd rather just use a Voice app or like, hop on the phone with somebody be like, just tell me what you tell me what you want. And tell me what you're thinking. Texting is just like, oh my god, okay, but I'll do it. But, but so much can get lost when we're using a smartphone or a device where we're texting. And there's no context is no tone of voice, right? How often is somebody who was like, Oh, I was just kidding, or oh, I wasn't being short, actually. Right, again, because we are meaning making machines. And there's a lot of room when a person is being vague or not being specific for things to get a little confusing. Okay, so now let's just talk, a smidge, a smidge smitch? What's the smitch? I don't know new word. Let's talk a smidge about how this shows up in business. Okay, so when you ask specific in your business, what it does is it improves a lot of things for sure. And it also enables a lot of things to happen, things like that. So clarity in communication with your team and with your clients. How much more productive Do you think people will actually be when they know what the fuck your expectations and what you need from them and what you want them to do in by when and on what platform and data specifics matter, especially when you're trying to be productive, and especially when you are delegating tasks to other people, especially specified specificity. That's fun to say. So specificity is like I have to blink when I say it. Specificity also helps to deepen understanding, when you say to somebody, this is specifically why I want you what I want I want you to do and why I want you to do it and helps them to understand the spirit, the intention, the reasoning of why you want something done. It also, as I said, it increases efficiency because there's no confusion and they know, oh, they want this done by this date. And they want me to do it and to report back by this time, etc, etc, etc. It also helps with better decision making. I always say you want to stall me if you want to stall me and keep me from taking action confused me because I have the kind of brain that when I'm confused and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. Like I can't take it's not that I can't take action but I can't take action that is actually like helpful. I'm always like, I'll often say to a client who's trying to or not trying to get a client who's telling me a story about something or they think that they think because again, they have all the information in their head. Right. So they speak in vague terms and I'll almost always say okay, you know what you're talking about I don't I need more information. Can you can you get Give me more can you be specific about and I'll often interrupt people when they're, and I don't do it to be a dick. I mean, if it's not necessary at the moment, I really do try to shut my big mouth and wait to the done. But there's oftentimes when somebody's telling me a story, and especially as a storyteller, I'm like, I need more information to understand why this matters. And to put it into context, and, you know, they're gonna go, I was in this room, and I'm like, well, like what building? Right? What time of day? Is it? Like, are you it's a, it's a big difference to say, Oh, I was at this place. And I'm like, Are you in a tunnel at night? Where there's no street lamps? Are you like walking down the street, and you know, in your neighborhood, and it's the middle of the day, and it's 70 degrees out, like, hello, I need some context. So sometimes I'll, I'll interrupt people. Because, you know, again, clarity helps things to also stay clean. Right? And I don't mean physically clean, but emotionally clean. It's like, Tell me tell me what's happening. Tell me why. Because a good story. And I'm not talking about so many details, like not just adding details just to add details, but details that allow us to be grounded in time and space in place and like temperature and sound like what am I the five senses really what am I see? What am I hearing? What am I maybe smelling or tasting or touching or whatever, so powerful.

Karen Kenney: 00:26:25

Specifics when it also comes to goal setting. This can be both in your personal and professional life. There's research that says when people write down concrete specific goals, right, they are way more likely for those things to happen. When you have clarity of vision, when you ask specific now, it doesn't mean that things will always happen exactly. As planned. I often say the universe isn't like a friggin you know, Burger King Drive thru. You don't just like place your order and you get whatever you want, like a note to self, right? Do a whole podcast about manifestation stuff, oh, God gives us a lot to say about that. But it's really impactful when you have a goal to like, write it down to think on it to be specific to get more specific, not in a controlling kind of way, but so that your subconscious mind in your brain knows the direction that you're going in, that's really helpful. Okay. And being specific also enhances problem solving. Because if you say, I'm solving for this particular thing, then it kind of quiets out all the other noise and all the other distractions that would somehow pull you off track from where you're trying to get to. Okay, now, listen to this pot. This is important when it comes to business. It also is important when it comes to your children, to your partners, to the people you love. And this is how we're coming back to Thanksgiving. But first, first, let me make this point. You're specific message when you are talking to possible clients, potential clients, quote unquote, your audience, your listeners, your readers, your fans, your followers, whatever, if you are out in the world, and you are creating a product or a program or offering a service or providing something or whatever, okay, and you have people that you are doing, either personal life with or business transactions with. When you are letting it's like you know, they always talk about like your brand, your brand. God Remember why since I remember we were all just people and we weren't personal brands. Remember, we were just people like before the internet and before social media, we were just a person. And now everybody's a friggin personal brand. Okay, but here's the thing, your specific message, the things that you post about the things that you talk about the way that you say them, the language, you use all these things, your specific message is going to tell others what matters to you. Their specific feedback about those things is going to tell you what matters to them. And this is why specific messaging, right and what that's why you're trying to convince your kid to go to sleep and you say I want you're asked to get into bed now and go to sleep because tomorrow we're getting in the car, we're gonna see grandma at 8am and I want you to be rested. Right? Specifics go a really long way. Okay, so being specific in your messaging, it lets people know why things matter to you, what matters to you, what you love, who you love, what you take a stand for, what you're willing to die for, what you're here in the world to do, what you're trying to help what you're trying to solve all that stuff. If right, and their specific feedback about your messaging, your product, your program, whatever, will often include insights into what matters to them. And if you're paying attention, right, and I'm not saying change your whole program, because three people said they wish it was blue instead of purple, I'm not saying that. But just noticing what you notice about specifics, whether you're giving it or receiving it, it just creates so much opportunity for connection for deepening relationships, to become not only better communicators, speakers, but also storytellers, but also to become better listeners to be able to take in how the world is kind of receiving you. And then you can decide if you want to adapt, shift, plot, twist, whatever, you don't have to. But it's helpful, right? So again, the specificity shows others that you're paying attention, it also is that paying attention is one of the ways that we show love. So this year, as you gather around a table, or sit on the floor with takeout, or whatever you might be doing here in the US if you're somebody who celebrates Thanksgiving, right, hopefully, hopefully, it's a cruelty free Thanksgiving, all those poor dead turkeys just for one holiday millions and millions and millions of birds slotted so people can be thankful it's such a weird tradition, right? So hopefully it's cruelty free in some way. But when you gather around the table, and you're grateful for whatever it is the company, the food, your sobriety, being alive, getting together having a root, I mean, there's, I mean, there's 1000s of things we can be thankful for. Even in the midst of all the trauma, all the tragedies, all the awfulness, all the brutality, all the violence, all the war, all the hatred, all the anti this, and anti that, and every, like just all of the division, and the the destruction. even amidst all of the stuff that is going on in the world, we can be grateful that we woke up today. And it gives us another shot, it may be making the world and ourselves a better place. Not that you are not lovely and lovable just as you are. But the way that the world is going to change is by individuals doing their own work. Because all a nation is all a country is all a government is, is a group of individuals. And that's where change starts first with us. Okay, and we're back. But here's my point. So on Thanksgiving, if you're going to do this little ritual of what you're grateful for, don't just say some fluffy thing, some vague, bizarre, weird thing. Really take a moment. And if you're just doing it very intimately, maybe with one other person, maybe you can't travel to see your people and you're doing a call over zoom, however the message is getting out. First, have a moment to feel it inside. Really take a moment, maybe put your hand over your heart and like embody the feeling like get in touch with the words that are about to come out of your mouth, because they're important. And then be specific. And if you're going to tell your mom or your auntie or your sister or your cousin or whoever, right, that cook the meal, say something specific. Say, oh my god, you make the best mashed potatoes. And I really love how you always set aside some without any dairy in it so that I can bring my own vegan butter and I can season it the way that I want. Thank you so much for your kindness, and your thoughtfulness and your consideration. When you pay attention like that. I really feel the love and the food means a lot to me, or talking to your sister in law. Hey, I'm making this up. Hey, Susie, you know, thank you so much for hosting every year. I know that this must be a lot of work, having like 1215 1617 people at your house every year. And it's all you always do the most beautiful presentation. And I appreciate you opening up your home to us. I appreciate the way that you always X, Y and Z. Do you see the difference between like, Hey, thanks for having us over. Right and Imagine how magical is when you see your niece, your nephew, your grandkids, your kid who have yet maybe your child, whatever, maybe they just spent their first year at college or coming home for the holiday. And you really lean in and you're like, Hey, I just want you to know that I love how creative you are. I love how your brain works. I love how you always pause to think about what you want to say. And then you really choose, you're like, whatever I can go on and on. Because what you're really telling people is, Hey, I see you, hey, I bear witness to you, hey, I listen, when you speak, hey, I'm present, I'm here for you, I love you. And I'm reflecting it back to you. Because that takes a certain amount of depth. To be able to do that, to see it, to make meaning of it, to feel it and then to be able to express it. So it comes into your eyes, it goes from your head down into your heart. And then as I often will say, out through your hands, and whether that's also your mouth, you know what I'm saying? So we take it in, we pay attention, and then we specifically report back, make your report and make

Karen Kenney: 00:36:17

it specific, because it will touch people's hearts, it is an incredible thing to know that you are seen that you are heard that people know notice you. Because when we do this, what it does is it tells us that we matter. When you say this to somebody else, it tells them that they matter. And this is why being specific matters. It can have such a huge exponential ripple effect. Have you ever seen one of those videos, it's often done by like, I think Christian groups or whatever, but they put out these videos. And it literally starts like some guys getting off a bus or somebody's getting on a bus. And the person is like pregnant or whatever I don't know. And a gentleman will get up and give that woman their seat. And then the next scene is the woman getting off the bus, the woman who just got the seat from the kind of act from the man gets off the bus, right? An old person is getting on the bus, and they get out of the way. And then they assist that old person getting on the bus, right? Or there's somebody who dropped something as the woman's getting off the bus and she pauses and she squats down awkwardly and then she hands the the notebook or whatever back to the person who dropped it. And then that person then goes into the post office, you know, and they smile, it's and you can just see like how kindness spreads, how it spreads. Specificity, has magic like that, too, when you start to demonstrate when you model for people, how to bear witness to them and show them that they're loved. Show them that you're paying attention, show them that you're present, show them that they matter. If they're paying attention at all, they will start to glean what is happening. And then they might want to do that for somebody else. So first of all, also do it for yourself, pay attention, be specific with yourself, be specific with your intention, your creativity, your goals, what you're trying to, as, especially as we're moving into a new year, we have so many fantastic opportunities to get a clean slate to start again, to let go of shit. And then I'll just do a whole I'll do a whole other thing in December. But I just want to say being specific matters for 1000 reasons. And today was just an example of a few. And I hope this was helpful to you in some way. I hope it gave you some ideas. I hope I hope I hear from some of you that you try to do this at the holidays. Now, here's a special note from my Masshole hat to some of yours, okay. I can just see some of my Massachusetts brother and my New England kids. Right. I could see some of you may be cringing and going like, Ah, it's gonna be a little awkward. But we don't do that. And my family well, I don't give a shit. Be brave, be bold, start a new tradition. Tell them about why specifics matter. Because here's the thing. We never know when the last exhale is coming. This could be the last time that you gather around a table with all those people because they could die. Somebody could move away a divorce happens a family breaks it and we don't know what's gonna happen. So when you have the opportunity to extend that love, do it and let's break some generational trauma Shall we have been the kids who suck it up and stuff it down and don't talk about their feelings and don't get to machine. Why are you so sensitive and all that bullshit that's been fed to us for so long? How about you be bred, you step up and say, Hey, guys, I want to do something different this year. So when you give your thanks, as we go around the table and we express our gratitude, let's be specific, and then you go first. You go first and write it down, if it helps, and who cares if you've got to read it if your voice shakes if you get a little nervous, because you're like, Oh, my siblings are gonna make fun of me, then fuck them that's on them. Right? But you be brave. You be brave, and speak of the matters of the heart because that's what the specifics are. Okay, I think I'm gonna stop there. So, thank you so much for listening. You guys. If you want to, I got some cool stuff. I got some cool stuff that we're gonna be talking about soon. Something new. It's like not new to me. But it'll be new to you guys. I'm gonna do a couple of episodes. You'll see what I'm talking about what the time comes. But keep your eyes peeled. And if you're not already on my email list, come join. Come join that family to right just go to Karen kenny.com/sign up get on the list. I don't spam yet. I just write to you and let you know when I have fun stuff going on new offers, programs, whatever. And you also get this podcast delivered right into your email box your inbox every Thursday morning. At least that's what I've been doing them on Thursday. So I would love to have you sign up for that too. So thanks again for being here. Wherever you go. May you leave yourself may you leave the animals may leave the planet other people the environment so much better than how you found it. Wherever you go. May Your presence be a blessing by