YOU CAN'T GET THERE FROM HERE

Karen Kenney: 00:00:00

It's the Karen Kenney show. Hey you guys.

Karen Kenney: 00:00:04

Welcome to the Karen Kenney show. I'm so excited to be here

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today, and today I have, like, visual help, helping aids. Just,

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just buckle, buckle up for safety. I'm going to tell you a

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little story. I got some visual aids, and hopefully I'm going to

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share something today that is helpful to you and that you can

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apply to your life right away. That's one of the things about

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this show, is besides just trying to spread a little more

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love in the world, I'm also trying to either, I always say I

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want to either educate or elevate or enlighten or

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entertain, create some sort of emotional connection. You know,

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everybody's got shit to do. Nobody wants to waste their

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time. So if you're tuning in, I want to make it worth your

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while. So we're just going to start off just by diving into

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the title of this sucker, which is, you can't get there from

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here. So recently, I was down in Lawrence mass, which is my

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hometown. It's where I grew up, lawtown and and it was snowing

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out. It was just like a shit show. There was like so much

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snow everywhere. And if you've ever driven in, like a small,

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little city or whatever, and there's a lot of snow, and the

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snow banks get all pushed up, and there's nowhere to park or

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whatever. So I was driving, it was dark, I was in a little bit

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of a rush, and I was trying to get to a certain place, okay?

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And as I was driving, all of a sudden, I looked and I was like,

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Oh yeah, that's the street I want to take. And what I had

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forgotten, because I hadn't driven on this road in a really

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long time in, like, because, like, I'm talking like probably

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35 years, if not more, is that there were two streets right

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after each other that have the similar name. One is like

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reservoir terrace, the next one is like reservoir road, or

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whatever, and I banged the left, unfortunately, onto reservoir

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terrace, which was a dead end street. It's a tiny little

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street I just saw when I was driving reservoir, and I like

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whipped in there. And, of course, all right, so imagine

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all the snow, all the houses are like, like duplexes and triple

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deck is and there's barely any driveways. There's no place to

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turn around, and it's a dead end street, so I'm going down, and

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I'm lined on each side by cars, okay? And then in front of me is

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a car coming towards me. When I realized this is a dead end and

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I also realize I have no place to back up. And I'm like, oh my

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god, I'm gonna have to, like, throw my arm over the back of

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the seat, you know, over the passenger seat, and, like, back

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up, like, in the dock, in the snow while there's a lot of

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traffic coming up April Street. I was like, Oh my God, thank you

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baby Jesus at the very end, because I was like, I'm gonna

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have to back out into this busy intersection. I don't know how

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I'm gonna do this, but fortunately, right there was a

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driveway I could like, you know, back up into and then the guy in

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the truck could go right past me. But one of the things I

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realized, and that I heard in my head, is that I knew where I was

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trying to get to, but I could not get there from here because

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it was a dead end street, and I had gone down the wrong road.

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And it made me think of this old kind of like story, like, and

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it's, I don't know why, it's always usually given like an old

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main farmer, like some farmer from Maine, and there's a couple

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like, driving out, you know, in the, you know, in the land or

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whatever, and they're driving, and they stop and out, they see

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this guy, and they on his tractor or whatever, and they

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stop and ask him for directions. And they're like, Hey, we're

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trying to get to so and so. And he's like, I Yeah, but you can't

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get there from here. That's how it is sometimes, and I want to

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apply this to our everyday lives. And here's the thing, we

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often want things, whether it's actually physical things,

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whether it's internal things. And we'll get more specific in a

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moment, right? We often want new things, better things, different

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things, whatever it is. And the problem that most people have is

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that they're trying to get there, but they cannot get there

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from here, from where they're coming from, what they're doing,

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what they're thinking, right? And one of the things is, is

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that they aren't willing yet. And I always like to say yet,

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because I believe in the power of the capacity for change, is

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that we have to be willing to let go of what's familiar. We

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have to be willing to let go of the here to get to there, and

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you can't hold on to the familiar, the known, the

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pattern, the habit, the way that you've been thinking and doing

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and speaking and behaving. And expect to get the new different

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better thing, the new different, better experience or feeling or

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outcome or relationship or whatever it is, we're not going

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to be able to get there from here if we insist on holding on

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to the way we've always done things, the way we've always

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thought, the way we've always believed the stories we insist

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on telling about ourselves, our own capacity, and others, the

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world, etc. And the challenge is, is that the brain right?

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Just the chemistry of the brain. The brain likes the familiar.

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That's how it finds safety. And the nervous system is always

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seeking safety. So if you have a brain that likes what's

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familiar, that's how it learns. That's how it kind of imprints

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on everything around it's always in comparison and using what

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we've already experienced, what we already think, what we

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already know, believe in the stories we tell, the identity

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that we have. And it's like going into the new that's why

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people are like, you know, their comfort zones, they often don't

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like to leave them, because even though there might be a better

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opportunity, a better relationship, a better

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situation, a better feeling, a better outcome, over there, they

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cannot get there from here. So we have to be willing. And so

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this is where, like, the little visual comes in. I did this

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little drawing, and my sweetie and I were talking about this

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the other day, and he was demonstrating this. It's so fun.

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This is a little drawing of my sweetie. So those of you who are

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listening and not watching, I'm going to describe what's on this

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piece of paper that I drew, I used to love to draw stick men.

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This is a whole that's a whole other story, and we're back. So

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I used to love to draw stick men to do things. Okay, so I'm going

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to show you there's a little stick man, and he has his arms

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reached out in two different directions. Okay, now his left

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arm, and if you're watching this, the left hand is the one

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with the red arrows right, and with his left hand, he's holding

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on to these old things, right? And it's old thoughts, old

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patterns, old beliefs, old stories, old behaviors and an

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old identity. And he's holding on to it tight. He's got a good

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grip on it. But in his right hand, his right hand is

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reaching, and it's like trying to reach across the divide. And

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on the right side, I just drew some symbols that might, you

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know, just symbolize some things that a person might want. They

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might want more time, they might want more love or a better

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relationship. They might want this little happy face. So

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there's like a little clock for time. There's a hat for love,

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relationship, whatever. There's a little smiley face for more

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happiness, right? Then there's a money sign. Maybe somebody wants

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more money or more savings or more income or whatever. And

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then there's, there's a peace symbol. Maybe somebody wants

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more inner peace, or wants more compassion, or whatever it might

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be, right? I also almost drew a muscle like, maybe somebody

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wants more health or fitness or whatever it is. But, you know,

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there's a gazillion things I could have drawn here. But the

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point of this little visual is, I want you to think about it.

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This person is so like insisting on holding on. I'm tapping it

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over here. They're so insisting on holding on to these old ways,

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this old thinking, this old behavior, this old way of being

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and believing. And they're saying, right? They'll say like,

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Oh, but I can't reach it, I can't have it, I can't be it, I

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can't do it right? And I'm like, You're right. You can't. You

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can't do it, not if you're insisting on also holding on to

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these old things, these familiar things, these former things,

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these former versions of you, these former ways of thinking

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and being. And a lot of times, what people really want, and my

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sweetie and I talk about this all the time is they want the

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new thing without letting go of the old thing. They want

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outcomes without doing the work of change. They want

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transformation without

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actually doing the things that they need to do, thinking, the

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things they need to think, becoming the person they need to

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become. Everybody wants change, but most people don't want to

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change, and so we just want to be able to keep doing the same

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old bullshit, but have a different outcome, but you

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cannot get there from here. We have to be willing. We have to

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be willing to let go of those old ways. Ways of being. We have

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to let go of the old version of you. You gotta let go of what

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you've known and what you've done. And you know, that's that

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thing where you hear people say, Well, that's the way we've

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always done it, that's the way it's always been. That's just

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the way they are, that's just the way I am. And I'm like,

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that's fine. We can, we can say that, and we can keep things

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just as they are, but you cannot get there to that new place that

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promised land, that new outcome, that new way of feeling, that

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new relationship, more money, all those things, if you insist

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on staying here doing the same old shit. And so I kind of broke

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it down into like these two sentences that I think can be

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very helpful. People will say so at the end of this, just like

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fill in the blank, right? But the first sentence is usually

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this, I want to be the kind of person who fill in the blank,

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and the second response of the response is, well, then you have

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to stop being if you want to start to be the kind of person

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who fill in the blanks, then you have to stop being the kind of

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person who fill in the blank. I will give you an example. You

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might say, I want to be the kind of person who starts getting up

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at 5am I would say, then you have to stop being the kind of

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person who stays up until midnight, scrolling on their

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stupid phone, because you can't be both, or you can try, but

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you're going to be exhausted because you're not going to get

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enough sleep. You know what I'm saying? Or you might say, I want

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to be, I'm making these up. I want to be the kind of person

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who stops complaining so much, stops whining so much, right?

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Well, then you have to stop being the kind of person who

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appreciates what they have. You might be. Need to be the kind of

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person that practices a little more gratitude. You know, it's

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like, okay, I want to be the kind of person, because they

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always tell you, you want to have three to six months of

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savings, and in your emergency fund, in your savings, right?

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And you might say, Okay, I want to be the kind of person who has

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an emergency savings fund of like, at least three to six

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months. Okay, well, then you have to be a person who makes a

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plan or makes a budget or stops buying shit you don't really

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need. This is about becoming and this is about though baby steps.

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Because a lot of times we think, oh, I want to make this change.

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I want to have whatever it is, more health, more peace, more

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love, more money, more fill whatever it is, right, more

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success, right? I want to have more strength. I want to have

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better cardio. I want to have less high blood brain. I want to

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have better blood pressure. Or I want to lower my cholesterol.

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Yeah, you want to lower your cross cholesterol. Stop eating

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all those dead animals in the in the byproducts of animals,

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right? That's one of the fastest ways to start to change that.

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Okay, so, but it's about taking baby steps. We can't usually

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just swoop in and, like, go cold turkey and do 100% now, there

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are certain things you want to go cold turkey on right? If you

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want to be somebody who is not, let's say that you're somebody

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who has, you know, substance use, with substance abuse or

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substance overuse or whatever, with alcohol or whatever, yeah,

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those situations going cold turkey might be really, really

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smart, but with personality and just patterns and ways of

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thinking and believing, right? Sometimes we just might want to

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start or going to the gym or saving more money, right? It's

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not all of a sudden, like you're just gonna pull like $10,000 out

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of your ass. You might have to, like, little baby steps. You

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know what I'm saying? So it's about becoming, it's about baby

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steps, and it's also, here's the big one, becoming the kind of

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person who baby steps, like, build on those tiny little wins,

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set little goals so that you can actually accomplish them, and

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then you feel victorious, and you get like, Yes, I can do

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this. And you kind of build on your little victories and your

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successes. And then it's about being able to pause long enough

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to recognize that you're about to think, say or do the old

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pattern. That's one of the biggest things. It's all great

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and fine and dandy to say, I want a thing. I want to be the

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kind of my hair is like crazy right now. I want to be the kind

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of person who, or I want to be able to, or I want to stop, or

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stat, or whatever the thing is. But if you can't catch yourself

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in the act if you're not even aware that you're about to do

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the thing at some point, we have to be able to have the

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awareness, enough awareness to be able to pause and observe our

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thinking, our saying. In our doing or are about to do. I

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mean, ideally, if we can catch it before we even do it, before

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the words leave our mouth, before the the HO, HO gets in

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the mouth, before the whatever, the thing that you're about to

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say, think, believe, do you know that's ideal. But even if you

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can catch yourself in the act and stop yourself, pump the

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brakes, hit the pause button. That's like, really, really,

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really big. And if we can put a pause in your pattern, right,

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your patterns of behaviors, or your patterns of thinking, you

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can put a pause in your mind so that you can make a different

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choice. That's like a superpower. And so much of this

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just comes down to again, so often, you know, when I think

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about why I talk about having a DSP and a daily spiritual

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practice, why it's so important, because one of the components of

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at least the way that I talk about, in and teach and share

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about having a DSP is that some of the first steps are number

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one, like slowing down, like helping you and your nervous

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system so that you can start your your mind, your body, so

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it's like your brain, your body right, your breathing, all these

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things so that we can start To slow down, so that we can

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actually experience, like a pause. We can we can get in that

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place. So if we learn how to slow down, if we learn how to

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deepen our breath, because when we when we change our breath, we

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change our physiological state right, which also, over time,

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will help our mental state right. And this is why I'll talk

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about, like having a DSP, because learning how to slow

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down and learning how to meditate, and we often think

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that meditation is just like quieting all of my thoughts, and

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I have to silence myself, and I have to sit very still. Yeah,

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there are forms of meditation where you do sit still, where

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you do get quiet, huh? It doesn't mean all your thoughts.

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We're not trying to silence the mind. Good luck with that,

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right? We want to quiet it a little bit, turn it down, the

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volume a little bit. But the mind is going to mind. The brain

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is going to brain. It's going to do what it does, which is it

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thinks thoughts, right? Does all kinds of things. But one of the

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things it does, it thinks thoughts, right? But if we can

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start to slow things down, and we can start to get a little

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more self aware, so that there's a pause so we can choose who and

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how we want to be. Right to me, meditation and having a DSP,

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these are the things that lead to freedom and happiness. Being

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able to train your mind, train your senses, it's such a

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powerful thing, okay? And there, like I said, there's, there's

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1000 ways to meditate. I have some very simple ones that I

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teach people. One of the main ones is like passage meditation,

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which was taught to me from eknashwaran, which is like

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meditation on a passage like, it's like memorizing, let's say

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the prayer of St Francis, right? Make me an instrument of thy

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peace where there is hatred, let me sow love, etc, etc, right?

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For some people, it might be the Serenity Prayer, whatever it is

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you meditate on that passage, the Buddha is said to have said,

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right, that we become what we think we become what we meditate

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on, if we want to be more more peaceful, then we meditate on

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that peacefulness, right? If we want to become more loving, not

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only do we meditate upon it, but we also practice it, right? We

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want to become more like I said, more patient, more loving, more

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kind, whatever. So passage meditation is really powerful.

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Repetition of a mantra can be very powerful, a very simple

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meditation where you're keeping your awareness on your breath.

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And you can just start with like, five minutes, 10 minutes.

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Maybe I'll do a whole little maybe I'll do a whole other

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episode on just a little quick little meditation practice, but

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learning how right to just kind of sit your ass down and again,

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I know for some people, that's sitting still, but there's

Karen Kenney: 00:19:04

walking meditation, there's mindfulness, right? Walking with

Karen Kenney: 00:19:08

being mindful, or just even throughout your day, having

Karen Kenney: 00:19:11

these little moments of mindfulness and connection can

Karen Kenney: 00:19:14

be a really big thing, okay? And we'll get into that. But so much

Karen Kenney: 00:19:17

of being able to change, right, is actually being aware that

Karen Kenney: 00:19:23

you're doing the thing that you actually don't want to be doing,

Karen Kenney: 00:19:26

that you're doing the the here, when

Karen Kenney: 00:19:28

you're trying to eventually get there. And I'm all into be here

Karen Kenney: 00:19:33

now, but part of being here now is recognizing, right, what

Karen Kenney: 00:19:37

you're doing in the here, what you're thinking, what you're

Karen Kenney: 00:19:40

saying what you're believing. Okay, now here's one of the

Karen Kenney: 00:19:43

things people will often say to me, like, but it's so hard, it's

Karen Kenney: 00:19:48

really hard. Like, like, being vulnerable is hard, or being

Karen Kenney: 00:19:54

honest sometimes is hard, or speaking my truth is hard. Or

Karen Kenney: 00:19:59

what? Don't fill in the blank, right? We know that when we try

Karen Kenney: 00:20:02

to change behaviors, we'll often say, but it's hard, and I'll

Karen Kenney: 00:20:07

often say, like, and this was something that you know,

Karen Kenney: 00:20:10

Marianne Williamson used to say at her lectures, and it always

Karen Kenney: 00:20:14

made me laugh. And I'm like, Yeah, as if being miserable is

Karen Kenney: 00:20:17

easy, as if being in that old pattern and way of being is

Karen Kenney: 00:20:22

easy, as if your suffering is easy, What's hard is it's not so

Karen Kenney: 00:20:27

much. I would say that the easier that you can let go.

Karen Kenney: 00:20:33

Right of the old things come back to this picture, the easier

Karen Kenney: 00:20:36

that you can just take your hand off the wheel, take your hand

Karen Kenney: 00:20:40

off it. Stop doing the old thoughts and patterns and

Karen Kenney: 00:20:43

beliefs and stories and behaviors and identity, right?

Karen Kenney: 00:20:47

The easier you can just let it go. The easier the next thing

Karen Kenney: 00:20:51

can come in. The easier that you just let go of the past, right?

Karen Kenney: 00:20:57

The previous the former. The easier it is for the new you,

Karen Kenney: 00:21:01

the new version, the new behavior, the new belief, to get

Karen Kenney: 00:21:05

wired in, to have a new experience, right? To have the

Karen Kenney: 00:21:09

thing that you actually want. It's not often that it's hard,

Karen Kenney: 00:21:14

it's that it's unfamiliar. It's new that seems scary, that's

Karen Kenney: 00:21:21

valid, but it's not that. It's actually usually hard. And I

Karen Kenney: 00:21:25

tell this story, right? So I do this exercise with people. I've

Karen Kenney: 00:21:29

done it when I've, when I've, you know, had speaking gigs and

Karen Kenney: 00:21:32

stuff in the past. I'll often bring people, or a person up on

Karen Kenney: 00:21:37

stage, and I do this in yoga class sometimes too, and I'll

Karen Kenney: 00:21:40

have them hold a yoga block, and I have them stick their arms out

Karen Kenney: 00:21:44

straight, straight off their shoulders, like straight off

Karen Kenney: 00:21:46

their body, like they're walking like a zombie, right? And or

Karen Kenney: 00:21:49

they're hypnotized, or whatever. You know that old, the old

Karen Kenney: 00:21:53

Scooby Doo hypnotized when your arms are out in front, okay? So

Karen Kenney: 00:21:55

their arms are out in front and between their two hands,

Karen Kenney: 00:21:59

probably about like, six inches, or whatever, a pot they're

Karen Kenney: 00:22:02

holding a thick yoga block, and I have them hold that block out

Karen Kenney: 00:22:06

in and they're just holding on to it, and they're squeezing.

Karen Kenney: 00:22:10

And I have them do this for like five minutes sometimes, but I'm

Karen Kenney: 00:22:13

talking to them through the whole time, right? And I'll say,

Karen Kenney: 00:22:16

no, no. So how is this? How's holding this? And in the

Karen Kenney: 00:22:18

beginning, it's not too bad, right? And then over time, their

Karen Kenney: 00:22:21

arms start to get tired. Their arms start to shake. Because

Karen Kenney: 00:22:24

I'll say, no, no, keep holding on, hold on harder. Hold on

Karen Kenney: 00:22:27

harder. Right? Of course, the block is symbolizing whatever

Karen Kenney: 00:22:31

the belief, the story, the history, the thing, the habit,

Karen Kenney: 00:22:35

whatever it is the addiction, whatever the thing is, you know,

Karen Kenney: 00:22:38

symbolizing for them, representing for them. And I'll

Karen Kenney: 00:22:41

say, no, no, keep holding on to it. And their arms are starting

Karen Kenney: 00:22:43

to shake, and their face is getting all like, ah. And I'll

Karen Kenney: 00:22:47

say, and after doing this for a long time, and I'll say, Okay,

Karen Kenney: 00:22:50

now let it go. And they finally drop it, and I'll say to them,

Karen Kenney: 00:22:56

how was that right? I'll say, which was harder holding on to

Karen Kenney: 00:23:00

the old thing or simply letting it go. And there has to be a

Karen Kenney: 00:23:06

certain amount of willingness, right? There's a temptation to

Karen Kenney: 00:23:11

hold on to the old thing, because we think we're safe

Karen Kenney: 00:23:15

there. We think we're safe there, because we know this,

Karen Kenney: 00:23:18

even if it's a hell, you're like, I know this brand of hell,

Karen Kenney: 00:23:21

right? We're too we're too afraid of like, an aspect of

Karen Kenney: 00:23:24

something new. It's what we call the there's the unsafe known,

Karen Kenney: 00:23:28

the thing that you know, even though it may not be good for

Karen Kenney: 00:23:31

you, versus the safe unknown. That thing might be safe, but

Karen Kenney: 00:23:35

you and your nervous system don't know it yet. Don't believe

Karen Kenney: 00:23:38

it yet, can't trust it yet, right? So even though the thing

Karen Kenney: 00:23:41

over there might be better for us, the person, or the

Karen Kenney: 00:23:43

situation, or whatever the job, whatever it is, might be better.

Karen Kenney: 00:23:47

We don't, you know, it can be a little little hard, but when you

Karen Kenney: 00:23:50

hold on to that visual, and you can even do it for yourself,

Karen Kenney: 00:23:53

just get something and stick your arms out and try to hold on

Karen Kenney: 00:23:56

to it and squeeze it and get tighter and tighter, like, you

Karen Kenney: 00:23:58

know, and then, and then, I'm like, and now drop it well,

Karen Kenney: 00:24:01

letting it go is actually easier, but mentally, we put all

Karen Kenney: 00:24:06

these attachments onto it. But remember, the easier that you

Karen Kenney: 00:24:10

can let go, the easier it is for the new thing, the new pattern,

Karen Kenney: 00:24:13

the new behavior, the new belief, whatever, the new story

Karen Kenney: 00:24:17

for it to come in. And it's not hard, it just requires a little

Karen Kenney: 00:24:21

bit more willingness, it requires a little bit more

Karen Kenney: 00:24:24

focus. It might require a little bit more effort, a little bit

Karen Kenney: 00:24:27

more commitment or consistency, a little bit more

Karen Kenney: 00:24:32

accountability, right? That's the thing. It's not hard. It's

Karen Kenney: 00:24:38

simply unfamiliar. It's simply new. And this is why I said we

Karen Kenney: 00:24:43

go back to the baby steps. It's about becoming, right? It's

Karen Kenney: 00:24:48

about practicing. It's about those baby steps, those little

Karen Kenney: 00:24:51

wins. And whether it's like, you know, as somebody who does Thai

Karen Kenney: 00:24:54

Yoga massage, right, people will say to me, Oh, I'm so tight, you

Karen Kenney: 00:24:58

know, so. Tight. I really need to stretch more. And I'll be

Karen Kenney: 00:25:02

like, well, you can, you could always just start stretching on

Karen Kenney: 00:25:06

your own. You could always come to one of my yoga classes. You

Karen Kenney: 00:25:09

could always come and get a Thai Yoga massage. But if you insist

Karen Kenney: 00:25:13

on just keep doing the same old shit, which is not stretching at

Karen Kenney: 00:25:15

all, and then you wonder, why? Oh, my hips hurt, my back hurts,

Karen Kenney: 00:25:19

my neck hurts, my my jaw, everything, everything's tight,

Karen Kenney: 00:25:23

right? My glutes are tight, my calves, everything's tight.

Karen Kenney: 00:25:26

Everything hurts when I stand, when I move. I'm like, Well, are

Karen Kenney: 00:25:29

you doing any movement? Are you doing any stretching? Are you

Karen Kenney: 00:25:32

doing any flexibility or mobility work? Right? When

Karen Kenney: 00:25:36

people like, oh, I can barely carry my grocery okay, I use

Karen Kenney: 00:25:40

strength training at all? Do you know what I mean? It's like,

Karen Kenney: 00:25:43

people might say like, oh, I want to be stronger. I want to

Karen Kenney: 00:25:45

be more fit. Or, you know, you hear it a lot with like, as

Karen Kenney: 00:25:48

folks are aging and they're getting older, and they're like,

Karen Kenney: 00:25:50

I have grandkids now, I can't get up off the floor. I can't

Karen Kenney: 00:25:53

even put my socks on without sitting down. I'm like, Okay,

Karen Kenney: 00:25:57

you can keep doing what you've been doing. You can keep telling

Karen Kenney: 00:26:01

yourself that story and look, I'm not saying people don't have

Karen Kenney: 00:26:04

real physical limitations. Of course, sometimes you do. You

Karen Kenney: 00:26:07

have an injury, you have a situation, whatever. I'm just

Karen Kenney: 00:26:11

saying whatever. The thing is, when you say, I want to be the

Karen Kenney: 00:26:15

kind of person who and you fill in that blank, saves money, goes

Karen Kenney: 00:26:20

back to church, starts donating more, makes more money, whatever

Karen Kenney: 00:26:24

your thing is, right? Then you have to stop being the kind of

Karen Kenney: 00:26:28

person who fill in the blank whatever the old behavior is.

Karen Kenney: 00:26:32

But you cannot get there from here without some shit changing.

Karen Kenney: 00:26:37

And whether that's the way you're thinking about it, the

Karen Kenney: 00:26:39

way you're perceiving it, the way you're going about it,

Karen Kenney: 00:26:42

right? Your willingness to stop doing the old behaviors, or to

Karen Kenney: 00:26:46

start doing, you know what I'm saying. So I want, I want to

Karen Kenney: 00:26:50

just share this to help you think about it. Because, and I'm

Karen Kenney: 00:26:53

holding up the picture again. I know so many people who say they

Karen Kenney: 00:26:57

want, I'm pointing at this, the peace symbol, the money symbol,

Karen Kenney: 00:27:00

the happiness, the connection, the love, the intimacy, more

Karen Kenney: 00:27:04

time, more patience, whatever it is they say they want it, but

Karen Kenney: 00:27:08

they're not willing to stop doing the other things. They're

Karen Kenney: 00:27:11

not willing to be a little more brave or a little more

Karen Kenney: 00:27:14

courageous, and not willing to be bad at something like to try

Karen Kenney: 00:27:19

and to make mistakes. They're not willing to fall on their

Karen Kenney: 00:27:22

face. They're not willing to, like, go for it and show that

Karen Kenney: 00:27:24

they really want something, because what if they get

Karen Kenney: 00:27:26

rejected, or what if the other person's not doing their part,

Karen Kenney: 00:27:29

or what if blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I'm like, Look, all

Karen Kenney: 00:27:32

we can control is us and what we're doing and thinking and

Karen Kenney: 00:27:35

saying and believing. I can't change the rest of the world. I

Karen Kenney: 00:27:39

can't forcibly, like, make those things change, the way that the

Karen Kenney: 00:27:42

world slowly changes is enough individuals doing the work on

Karen Kenney: 00:27:46

themselves and with themselves right to create different

Karen Kenney: 00:27:50

experiences within themselves where maybe right. They're more

Karen Kenney: 00:27:55

happy, they're more peaceful, they have more energy, they have

Karen Kenney: 00:27:58

more patience. They have more compassion. Sometimes they have

Karen Kenney: 00:28:01

more more. They're listening better to their own internal

Karen Kenney: 00:28:04

rage, right? They're acknowledging and honoring their

Karen Kenney: 00:28:08

symptoms and their feelings. They're not trying to fix

Karen Kenney: 00:28:11

themselves into oblivion. They're not thinking, Oh, I'm

Karen Kenney: 00:28:14

fucked up, I'm screwed up, I'm broken. They just might be aware

Karen Kenney: 00:28:18

that there's been some things, but sometimes those things that

Karen Kenney: 00:28:21

we don't like about ourselves. This is a whole other episode.

Karen Kenney: 00:28:25

You know, people. I'll just go here. I'll take a tiny, tiny,

Karen Kenney: 00:28:28

tiny right detour. If you tell somebody that they shouldn't

Karen Kenney: 00:28:34

feel angry, they need to get rid of their anger right now. I'm

Karen Kenney: 00:28:37

not talking people. I'm not talking people who are going out

Karen Kenney: 00:28:41

into the world and inflicting harm on people or themselves.

Karen Kenney: 00:28:44

I'm just saying, you know, sometimes people don't like when

Karen Kenney: 00:28:46

women are angry. They call angry women. Sometimes women need to

Karen Kenney: 00:28:50

get fucking angry so that we'll stop putting up with nonsense,

Karen Kenney: 00:28:54

right? Sometimes that anger is theirs, because when you were a

Karen Kenney: 00:28:56

kid, somebody put their hands on you, and you couldn't say no,

Karen Kenney: 00:28:59

because you didn't have any power, because you were a little

Karen Kenney: 00:29:01

kid, and that anger is going to be the thing that allows you to

Karen Kenney: 00:29:04

now use your voice or say no or say stop, or to make a change or

Karen Kenney: 00:29:09

to end the relationship or to leave, or whatever the thing is.

Karen Kenney: 00:29:13

So we'd like to pathologize everything and label things

Karen Kenney: 00:29:16

good, bad, whatever. I'm not saying that all the old things

Karen Kenney: 00:29:20

are horrible that you need to change everything. But if

Karen Kenney: 00:29:23

certain things are causing you pain and suffering and they're

Karen Kenney: 00:29:26

getting

Karen Kenney: 00:29:27

in the way of you having these things over here on the right

Karen Kenney: 00:29:31

that you say that you want, then there has to be a willingness.

Karen Kenney: 00:29:34

And I'm pointing back to that hand with the red arrows that's

Karen Kenney: 00:29:37

holding on to the old ways. Right? You cannot get here,

Karen Kenney: 00:29:43

right? Or you cannot get there. I'm pointing at the new ones

Karen Kenney: 00:29:46

from here. By doing the same old, same old, there has to be

Karen Kenney: 00:29:50

some willingness to change. So I hope this has been, I don't

Karen Kenney: 00:29:54

know, helpful in some way, beneficial in some way. And if

Karen Kenney: 00:29:58

it has, share it with somebody. Share this. I. Episode with

Karen Kenney: 00:30:00

somebody, right? And just maybe take a few moments to get clear

Karen Kenney: 00:30:05

with yourself if there's some part of you that's trying to

Karen Kenney: 00:30:08

become if there's some part of you that wants to be a new way,

Karen Kenney: 00:30:13

or think a new way, you know, these are all the things that

Karen Kenney: 00:30:15

like we do in the nest. We talk about meditation, we talk about

Karen Kenney: 00:30:19

daily spiritual practice. We talk about just the whole being

Karen Kenney: 00:30:22

human experience, and what are some really good resources and

Karen Kenney: 00:30:25

tools for creating change and transformation in our life?

Karen Kenney: 00:30:27

Should we need it and want it? And here's the thing, when

Karen Kenney: 00:30:30

you're trying to make change, you want to put yourself in

Karen Kenney: 00:30:33

environments where change is already happening, where change

Karen Kenney: 00:30:37

is the normal thing. But if you want, if you want to become

Karen Kenney: 00:30:41

somebody who wants to become more patient, you don't go join

Karen Kenney: 00:30:46

in. You don't go and join the impatient people's group. You

Karen Kenney: 00:30:49

know what I mean when you're trying to make change? This is

Karen Kenney: 00:30:51

why, like, if you're trying to make change. And yes, of course,

Karen Kenney: 00:30:55

if you're self motivated, you can work out at home, in your

Karen Kenney: 00:30:57

basement, buy a whole gym, do all that stuff. But if you're

Karen Kenney: 00:31:00

somebody who wants to create change in your physical capacity

Karen Kenney: 00:31:03

and your strength, your cardio, whatever, that's why people join

Karen Kenney: 00:31:06

gyms. They go to the place where that new behavior is normalized.

Karen Kenney: 00:31:11

It's already happening. You can be influenced. You can be

Karen Kenney: 00:31:14

inspired, right? So if everybody that you hang out with are

Karen Kenney: 00:31:19

negative Nellies and you're trying to have more positivity

Karen Kenney: 00:31:21

and gratitude or whatever in your life, right? You might want

Karen Kenney: 00:31:25

to, like, find a place where that's happening. And the nest

Karen Kenney: 00:31:28

is one of those places where change work is going on. So I'm

Karen Kenney: 00:31:33

saying, and if you want to learn more about the nest or any of

Karen Kenney: 00:31:36

the stuff that I do, just go to Karen kenney.com right? It's so

Karen Kenney: 00:31:40

easy to find all the things that I'm up to, yoga and Thai Yoga,

Karen Kenney: 00:31:43

massage and the nest. And my hot to hot days, my hot to hot days

Karen Kenney: 00:31:46

are really fun. It's just like having a coach in your pocket.

Karen Kenney: 00:31:49

It's like three hours of coaching over Voxer, a Voice

Karen Kenney: 00:31:53

app. It's so easy. You don't even have to put on makeup, get

Karen Kenney: 00:31:55

on a call, do anything, right? You can just talk to me through

Karen Kenney: 00:31:58

the phone. It's so much fun. All those things are on my website

Karen Kenney: 00:32:02

right the nest, and coaching and Thai Yoga, massage, all that

Karen Kenney: 00:32:05

shit, so you can find it all there. So you guys, I love

Karen Kenney: 00:32:08

spending a little bit of time with you today. I hope wherever

Karen Kenney: 00:32:11

you are and whatever you're doing, you're having some sort

Karen Kenney: 00:32:13

of fun. It is. It is insane out there. It is insane out there,

Karen Kenney: 00:32:16

but there's always hope. We just saw this past weekend that there

Karen Kenney: 00:32:19

was a shit ton of people out for the no kings protests, and it

Karen Kenney: 00:32:24

just feels good to know that there are a lot of people out

Karen Kenney: 00:32:26

there that care about themselves, care about justice,

Karen Kenney: 00:32:29

care about what's right and what's fair, and they care about

Karen Kenney: 00:32:32

their fellow human beings in the environment, etc. And so that

Karen Kenney: 00:32:36

that was hopeful. All right. Well, thank you so much for

Karen Kenney: 00:32:39

tuning in. Wherever you go, wherever you go, may you leave

Karen Kenney: 00:32:44

the animals and the people and yourself and the planet in the

Karen Kenney: 00:32:47

environment better than how you found it wherever you go. May

Karen Kenney: 00:32:51

you and your presence and your love and your energy be a

Karen Kenney: 00:32:56

blessing. Bye. Hey. Thanks so much for listening to the show.

Karen Kenney: 00:33:01

I really love spending some time together. Now, if you dig the

Karen Kenney: 00:33:05

show or know someone that could benefit from this episode,

Karen Kenney: 00:33:09

please share it with them and help me to spread the good word

Karen Kenney: 00:33:12

and the love. And if you want to be in the know about all of my

Karen Kenney: 00:33:16

upcoming shenanigans, head on over to Karen kenney.com/sign up

Karen Kenney: 00:33:21

and join my list. It'll be wicked fun to stay in touch.

Karen Kenney: 00:33:26

Bye. You.